Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Special Recipe: Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup

So I was enjoying Tsui Hark's crazy cannibalism movie, We're Going To Eat You.  (You can read my full review of the film here).

I thought: "Cannibalism?  This would be a great film to post a companion recipe to!"

As you might expect, there's a lot of evil, badass cooking in a Tsui Hark cannibalism film.  Most of this cooking involves ingredients like "people" and "people by-products."  But at one point they decide to make chicken soup instead.  Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup!

A bunch of Hungry Cannibals!!!
These cannibals are hungry.  Not only that, they're badass!  They don't want ordinary chicken soup.  No, they want Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup.  Yum Yum!
How is this made? Read on!
(Or don't?  This recipe is not for the moderately squeamish.)

Hark really wanted his viewers to understand that his cannibal townspeople were cruel and insane.  He didn't waste a single opportunity to do this.  So when his cannibals run out of people to eat and decide to make chicken soup instead, they make it in the most over-the-top evil way possible.  (Coincidentally, this is also the most minimalist way of making chicken soup I can imagine.)

The Recipe:

Step 1:

Heat up a very big wok. Make it really hot.  Put in some water.  This will become the "soup" part of the Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup.

Step 2:

Take a whole bunch of live chickens.  Don't bother killing the chickens, or cutting them up, or even taking their feathers off.  Put these chickens into the wok.
"You're making those chickens suffer!"
In case the audience is really stupid, Tsui Hark points this out to us.
Step 3:

Put a lid on the wok.  Hold it down tight!  The chickens might want to get out.
"You're making those chickens suffer!"
Yeah, we got that the first time.
Step 4:

Wait until the clucking stops.  Then enjoy your delicious Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup!

Disclaimer:  This is not a real recipe.  (Well, probably not.  Who knows.)  Either way, don't actually do this!  Yeah, it was in the movie.  But do you do everything you see in movies?  Besides, you would definitely be making those chickens suffer!

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