Movie Review: Kung Fu Hip Hop

I'm pretty sure Kung Fu Hip Hop was conceived of by a marketing director.  I picture some fat guy who despises youth culture, chomping a cigar in a dark room somewhere in Beijing.  He calls in his director, Fu Huayang, and starts shouting:  “What do kids these days like?  Shut up, I'll tell you what they like!  They like hip hop!  They like dancing!  And who the hell doesn't like kung fu?!  So, go go Go!  Make me a movie with hip hop kung fu dancing.  Or kung fu hip hop dancing.  I don't give a damn, as long as the kids line up and buy the tickets.  Go!  Why are you still here, looking at me like I'm crazy?”

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Kung Fu Hip Hop
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	1.3 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Kung Fu Hip Hop
Director	Fu Huayang
Actors	Fan Bingbing, Jordan Chan, Poppin Hyne Joan
Year	2008
Format Viewed	VCD Kam & Ronson KAM2927 What is a VCD?

Thus, Kung Fu Hip Hop was born. And how could it miss? It's got “awesome” kung fu, “awesome” DJ-ing, “awesome” “hip hop” “dancing”, “awesome” “rap.” Wait, why all the scare quotes? Well...

Movie Review: Till Death Do We Scare

Her name is "Irene Leen."  An old, Chinese-movie-style fortune teller proclaims this to be a very unlucky last name indeed.  She should have picked a different one.  With a last name like "Leen," she is destined to always be a widow.  After all, it’s the same last name as JFK’s famous widow.  "You know," he says. "Jacqueline!"  Amazing.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Till Death Do We Scare
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.6 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	2.7 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.2 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Till Death Do We Scare
Director	Lao Kai Wing
Actors	Olivia Cheng, Alan Tam, David Chiang, Wong Ching, Raymond Wong
Year	1982
Format Viewed	VCD (Media Asia/Megastar MS/VCD219HK)

This is a ludicrous premise, and it leads to a satisfyingly silly Chinese movie.  From the Gweilo's perspective, it seems as though nobody was taking Till Death Do We Scare seriously at any point in its creation.  Which frees up the director for some amazingly absurd scenes.  For example,