tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24159194548760066582024-02-23T00:44:05.745-08:00The Gweilo's Guide to Hong Kong Chinese MoviesIn-depth movie reviews of Chinese movies by a possibly naive (but very enthusiastic!) American fan. Enter the awesome world of Hong Kong produced Chinese movies!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-24240111805558099962011-12-22T19:18:00.000-08:002017-08-20T15:52:53.175-07:00Chinese Movie Review Christmas Special: It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!There are not a whole lot of Chinese Christmas movies. That's actually a good thing, because it means that when Hong Kong does make a Christmas movie, it's likely to be the weirdest, most WTF Christmas movie you've ever seen.
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
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<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.8 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.7 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.4 out of 5</b></td>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDpXzCNGbbAS8OoHg3fDOT7ZYxSN42bUMPdOVOsp64HbGRE7G0C0pKslAZUlfbADfMs_Yz3DZ2CaA0iaKxcq8gPBxuhYbZsB-W8qlXkMNVYOtZJ5k8zImxrMqFA1bu2aXe1xBRyxFddwQ/s1600/IADIAB-cover-scan.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDpXzCNGbbAS8OoHg3fDOT7ZYxSN42bUMPdOVOsp64HbGRE7G0C0pKslAZUlfbADfMs_Yz3DZ2CaA0iaKxcq8gPBxuhYbZsB-W8qlXkMNVYOtZJ5k8zImxrMqFA1bu2aXe1xBRyxFddwQ/s200/IADIAB-cover-scan.png" width="142" /></a></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">David Chung</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">John Shum, George Lam, Maggie Cheung</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1985</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Universe DVD 5169 </td>
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Also please note: The title of this Hong Kong film is <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i> From the Gweilo's perspective, nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a movie named "It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!" <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Quick! Name some Hollywood Christmas movies! <i>How the Grinch Stole Christmas</i>, <i>Elf</i>, <i>It's A Wonderful Life</i>, <i>White Christmas, Bad Santa,</i> and so on, right? Hollywood has made a <i>ton</i> of Christmas movies over the years, and they all end up being ... well, Hollywood Christmas movies. There are "heartwarming" Christmas movies and "funny" Christmas movies and bland combinations of the two of those. They are cheery and Christmas-y and all, but they are never very surprising.<br />
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But then there's David Chung's <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_soCaGek_xzFpNsW-wALBCNxRusuLLkVQSkh5t9LHylf8JKp2OkEOEtb0a4k4bDoMtfJOH9Of031WqR7YOqcAW798pSzsUYXqFpemyXfp-O9_RTpv9Yaux2ZkVE0PF0l2htshyphenhyphenoUiwaM/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+3+Can+of+Sarsae.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_soCaGek_xzFpNsW-wALBCNxRusuLLkVQSkh5t9LHylf8JKp2OkEOEtb0a4k4bDoMtfJOH9Of031WqR7YOqcAW798pSzsUYXqFpemyXfp-O9_RTpv9Yaux2ZkVE0PF0l2htshyphenhyphenoUiwaM/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+3+Can+of+Sarsae.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is it a drink, or a bomb?! Won't someone make a movie so we can find out!??!!</td></tr>
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I bought this movie quite a while ago, but I was initially very reluctant to watch it. That's because <b>I simply couldn't imagine how a movie could ever be made with a title like <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i></b> I mean, how would that even work? That's not a movie title. It wouldn't even make sense as a line of dialog in a movie. Before reading any further, try to figure this out yourself. And remember, <i>it's a Christmas movie</i>!<br />
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Like an unwrapped Christmas present, this Hong Kong movie sat unwatched on my shelf for many, many months, full of mystery, possibility, and potential. If the world ever seemed dull, boring, or overly predictable, I could always contemplate the mystery of <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i> and feel a little better about things. With this movie unwatched and unexplained, the world wasn't completely devoid of inexplicable wonders.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL-WZU65hT3kmqkkdOv12KpJugIJLBcUxlVLaN9MUzn_DCPbH0jZwPnFmdfyjYjxtDZ49Tf8OPcQcRfc1YqGw9R7NZJJnYbk_by0JkdSAmMi_Cg4Mlh87Ibl4CznEOaEiJjlCMp7ggzHY/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+1.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL-WZU65hT3kmqkkdOv12KpJugIJLBcUxlVLaN9MUzn_DCPbH0jZwPnFmdfyjYjxtDZ49Tf8OPcQcRfc1YqGw9R7NZJJnYbk_by0JkdSAmMi_Cg4Mlh87Ibl4CznEOaEiJjlCMp7ggzHY/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+1.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Summing up the dilemma of the film</td></tr>
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But part of me was also curious to see if the movie would live up to its name. So, seeing as it's the Christmas season and all, I decided to go ahead and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wave_function_collapse" target="_blank">collapse the probability waves</a> and actually watch it to find out. And write a movie review too, of course. <br />
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Let's get the premise out of the way first. There's a guy who's made some cans of soda that are actually hand grenades.<br />
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How this will change the field of modern warfare, I'm not sure. Curiously, this movie was made almost 20 years before the TSA rules against bringing liquids on airplanes. Maybe the TSA director is a fan of obscure, corny 1980s Hong Kong movies?<br />
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Anyway, this guy is trying to sell his soda-bombs to some evil "Japanese" villains. The "Japanese" villains look exactly like 1980's post-punk, New Wave musicians. In fact:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8qPHWU1Eu7ifh9OQDfdp8oaSsUkuzTqEffPnVtCKTHjoA9ucPbnpQWBP1g6FDPDS9hyphenhyphenM8ONVoMm8ZXXwIV1L9_lsyKWpGcWp-Vpp95CEFAAEuQmBvMK8wbj-syWP1_VwOaghjqM_lLzI/s1600/Adam+Ant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8qPHWU1Eu7ifh9OQDfdp8oaSsUkuzTqEffPnVtCKTHjoA9ucPbnpQWBP1g6FDPDS9hyphenhyphenM8ONVoMm8ZXXwIV1L9_lsyKWpGcWp-Vpp95CEFAAEuQmBvMK8wbj-syWP1_VwOaghjqM_lLzI/s200/Adam+Ant.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1/3 Adam Ant</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlyMXheIUeK38E2Bn_fH4CG8drJXeb8aX6MQkTV3oQk_FHhcrE_ihj5fq2iAACTFW1ahYXOWaFun8nPwBzKxTNlhkpDbTWijwR1QRZ0GNUtcmIYs1U9h0xqzDKdXPlZTdAnZxyIBm2Ig/s1600/Prince.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIlyMXheIUeK38E2Bn_fH4CG8drJXeb8aX6MQkTV3oQk_FHhcrE_ihj5fq2iAACTFW1ahYXOWaFun8nPwBzKxTNlhkpDbTWijwR1QRZ0GNUtcmIYs1U9h0xqzDKdXPlZTdAnZxyIBm2Ig/s200/Prince.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2/3 Prince</td></tr>
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<td valign="top"><br /></td>
<td valign="top"><span style="font-size: x-large;">=</span></td>
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<td colspan="3" rowspan="1" valign="top"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU57w8oLrV9Xf1Jj1bPQhXg_jX2SqP8wchGuRVYa5ymtDOQweK3BXNmpjEjtPPeN3toCtuTbOpbgc_7IIr453i8eTu1O0dKqKmC0SjEBTJ8jo90VeYuATbhUc2B3mKPXsGgEeiCVbSQUA/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+2+Main+Bad+Guy+Looks+Like+Adam+Ant.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU57w8oLrV9Xf1Jj1bPQhXg_jX2SqP8wchGuRVYa5ymtDOQweK3BXNmpjEjtPPeN3toCtuTbOpbgc_7IIr453i8eTu1O0dKqKmC0SjEBTJ8jo90VeYuATbhUc2B3mKPXsGgEeiCVbSQUA/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+2+Main+Bad+Guy+Looks+Like+Adam+Ant.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This film's main "Japanese" Bad Guy. Yes, he has a cross bow.</td></tr>
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</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
Trying to stop these bad guys are a heroic trio of nerdy individuals: A taxi driver who likes to pretend he's a police man named either "Lion Head" or "Stupid Pig" (John Shum), a geologist who drives a moped named either "BoBo Lam" or "Mustache Monkey" (George Lam), and bicyclist named "Cat" or occasionally "Cake" (Maggie Cheung). <br />
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They get involved in this soda-bomb plot because of a nonsensical motorcycle / car chase and because of an equally nonsensical taxi / car / bicycle chase or two.<br />
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Ultimately, the trio ends up witnessing the bad guys murder somebody on a nonsensical giant pile of toilet paper in the middle of the woods:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxJMTPIwe_mw8gFkvOyW5xokxit8USs-iFFiIDBmOGRckjPBqeQMZ_wXDrtO39jDJUdWcEbEhrl7zrsUoQ03tOli-z4HSt9-02n4kvu5U_n3jlC4qv_viduyEanKbG0_Q9loxv2LA4KIM/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+4+Giant+Pile+of+Toilet+Paper.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxJMTPIwe_mw8gFkvOyW5xokxit8USs-iFFiIDBmOGRckjPBqeQMZ_wXDrtO39jDJUdWcEbEhrl7zrsUoQ03tOli-z4HSt9-02n4kvu5U_n3jlC4qv_viduyEanKbG0_Q9loxv2LA4KIM/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+4+Giant+Pile+of+Toilet+Paper.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nobody is bothered that there is a giant pile of toilet paper here. <br />
The result of a giant camping-trip-and-chili-cook-off gone horribly wrong? <br />
We'll never know.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They then spend a <i>long</i> time trying to explain what they saw and make sense of it.<br />
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Sometimes they are too vague:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq3hcT89q_LyEZakwXjO1CyQ4XZ3fZ_bLq5ehXnPlqdKx8hmANsmaOj7UpmcAKCX1QuieCf5qGKYw4ZosOHCrYnZIWcofq9f34nMpQ5Ndyp1m5uaTyS9cew7ZsmdBAzUE0WZLfmV6J7eA/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+5+Confusing+Story.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq3hcT89q_LyEZakwXjO1CyQ4XZ3fZ_bLq5ehXnPlqdKx8hmANsmaOj7UpmcAKCX1QuieCf5qGKYw4ZosOHCrYnZIWcofq9f34nMpQ5Ndyp1m5uaTyS9cew7ZsmdBAzUE0WZLfmV6J7eA/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+5+Confusing+Story.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Try again with fewer pronouns.</td></tr>
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Or they get very sidetracked:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAUlXjXbTwztOCC4fW99RRsXfvLAmS5Gz4sLEbe4DQs3gK8Si-pFpBluaCtznBIUkvDDVUrFPlcPHOaDELHkLId-YsJ6W1OxtI7RwHV4K3sXSGI5sg7wH7FKRAHnVInFxGcGXkgsziqBU/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+6+Getting+Sidetracked.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAUlXjXbTwztOCC4fW99RRsXfvLAmS5Gz4sLEbe4DQs3gK8Si-pFpBluaCtznBIUkvDDVUrFPlcPHOaDELHkLId-YsJ6W1OxtI7RwHV4K3sXSGI5sg7wH7FKRAHnVInFxGcGXkgsziqBU/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+6+Getting+Sidetracked.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our heroes, being interviewed at the police station.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And often the problem is simply that they are really stupid:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUe0hAO1qU2ZyRR7UmlnYxX9Cu-jelD-sFmfhn5A2zu13d5XunU_bZqOupk8wUyXiu49aZVCLZcV1dbyhDCYRyK7mqdYHZkbX2r3rx9k_u5GNsXL5YuthkjceFVBdJfr0lU5rYeIcjtXI/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+7+Do+they+look+like+idiots.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUe0hAO1qU2ZyRR7UmlnYxX9Cu-jelD-sFmfhn5A2zu13d5XunU_bZqOupk8wUyXiu49aZVCLZcV1dbyhDCYRyK7mqdYHZkbX2r3rx9k_u5GNsXL5YuthkjceFVBdJfr0lU5rYeIcjtXI/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+7+Do+they+look+like+idiots.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes. Yes they do.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwP0aVXULA4ylHayZg-iejvcrBU6_jS9bMRZhz-WVN4bB1yFHftP99ZY3BYSsmykWURxH-dPurnlyWC3s_7xcm5tHXyBr5fMtc_yZ6HfHvXc1A6IaDxYpwHV7P4t9ZBkw8ovpf_cnkMi0/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+9+Being+Stupid+is+not+your+fault.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwP0aVXULA4ylHayZg-iejvcrBU6_jS9bMRZhz-WVN4bB1yFHftP99ZY3BYSsmykWURxH-dPurnlyWC3s_7xcm5tHXyBr5fMtc_yZ6HfHvXc1A6IaDxYpwHV7P4t9ZBkw8ovpf_cnkMi0/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+9+Being+Stupid+is+not+your+fault.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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Actually, this humor is handled pretty well; the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who%27s_on_first" target="_blank">who's-on-first</a> style routines are often genuinely funny.<br />
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Additionally, because they are so clueless, our heroes often get confused as to who the bad guys are in the movie, and who the good guys are. (The bad guys are easy to spot, but maybe our heroes aren't fans of 80s music?) This leads to awkward situations such as stopping in the middle of a car chase to talk to the people in the other cars, asking them if they are good or bad.<br />
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Which reminds me: This movie wins the prize for the <b>silliest car chase scenes</b> I've ever seen. I'm sure you know the normal rule of Hollywood car chases: If a car is chasing someone on foot, the car is never allowed to go faster than that person can run, and the runner is never allowed to go anywhere the car can't follow. David Chung takes this to new levels of silliness in <i>It's A Drink! It's A Bomb!</i> by having car chases so slow that the people can get out of the cars and back into them in the middle of the chase:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC2bMYYjttGyy8slgdf88yCpGifYWjBjE3nvxcKy1t9dCnBEMazl7qYEwNBO4cS8EoF8uC2hMRFstjCzD8fiIu0Aq2U8lYY2e417PQc2TU1RfJOFh2qUlKZ1MiXks-Hd4NHzpcNjDV1Wk/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+8+Slow+Chase+Scene.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC2bMYYjttGyy8slgdf88yCpGifYWjBjE3nvxcKy1t9dCnBEMazl7qYEwNBO4cS8EoF8uC2hMRFstjCzD8fiIu0Aq2U8lYY2e417PQc2TU1RfJOFh2qUlKZ1MiXks-Hd4NHzpcNjDV1Wk/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+8+Slow+Chase+Scene.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Having fun during a car chase scene</td></tr>
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There's even a car chase where the lead car runs out of gas, so our heroes get out and <i>push the car for the rest of the chase</i>, eventually escaping! And for some reason all the car chases in this Chinese movie are accompanied by music that sounds like it came from Mario Cart.<br />
<br />
There's also a bunch of very silly fight scenes as well, sometimes with a holiday theme. For example, while "Lion Head" monkeys around on a Christmas tree, "Cat" figures out a way to defuse a tense stand-off between "Mustache Monkey" and "Japanese Bad Guy". There's a daring escape from a 7-11 (wait for the surprise at the very end). And of course, <b>nothing captures the Christmas spirit better, Hong Kong movie style, than Santa Claus doing Kung Fu</b>:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihD8ap3RmvTzgDVYqJrkC0Jyz33aSiQn1UaYJdd-4JS1JTPcwPksqYLtH38S__uP2rTsBfNWNjxgH-SEp81ht5TYow4QN-zldEnJcjGWoKfCbKGNem7ANY-0jNa6zutbi3RFhu-cQrLoU/s1600/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+10+Kung+Fu+Santa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihD8ap3RmvTzgDVYqJrkC0Jyz33aSiQn1UaYJdd-4JS1JTPcwPksqYLtH38S__uP2rTsBfNWNjxgH-SEp81ht5TYow4QN-zldEnJcjGWoKfCbKGNem7ANY-0jNa6zutbi3RFhu-cQrLoU/s400/It-A-Drink-Its-A-Bomb+10+Kung+Fu+Santa.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ho, Ho, Hai-YA!</td></tr>
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Or crazy BMX-based soda stealing stunts in the midst of a stampede.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b><br />
<br />
Merry Christmas!<b> </b>Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-3072166214262995292011-12-12T16:50:00.000-08:002017-08-20T15:56:24.932-07:00Chinese Movie Review: The Return of Pom Pom<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>The Return of Pom Pom</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.2 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.4 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.2 out of 5</b></td>
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</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">The Return of Pom Pom</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipwZraPkLDVHyxZiLpZBDAPtOgtPo0MHlSfUKFtBbPlxA_FzHl0AUSvysuZRG4ElIz_r_TO-jcEKcimf2liVY3YckTbMzoVV_sIGIalJu91JDEPAbIcRFyk11-DO1vh0T0awYWtid1PwA/s1600/return-of-pom-pom-cover-scan-small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipwZraPkLDVHyxZiLpZBDAPtOgtPo0MHlSfUKFtBbPlxA_FzHl0AUSvysuZRG4ElIz_r_TO-jcEKcimf2liVY3YckTbMzoVV_sIGIalJu91JDEPAbIcRFyk11-DO1vh0T0awYWtid1PwA/s200/return-of-pom-pom-cover-scan-small.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
<br /></td>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Philip Chan</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Richard Ng, John Shum, Deannie Yip, Lam Ching Ying, Kara Hui, Philip Chan, James Tin Jun</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1984</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Fortune Star JS/VCD/3338/HK <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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<br />
<b>Just how far into the closet is it possible for a movie to be?</b>
This seems to be the question that director Philip Chan set out to discover with his 1984 classic Chinese movie, <i>The Return of Pom Pom</i>. <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<i>The Return of Pom Pom</i> is a classic Police Buddy Film, Hong-Kong-Chinese-movie style. The two police officers that are buddies are "Beethoven" and "Ah Chiu" (gesundheit!), played by John Shum and Richard Ng. They are <i>really</i> good buddies. Here they are getting married:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaqimt252g_pmmQNd-5ruCbC19mh3ARPL0rocx_uws0D_-amMRtPz6dI32BB2tpFWxQo37SeSYETIjp9UgQybnR_eoIOxohfS6lkkVv1yReu8wFXjKrBwtd3-WsYzP2nxAb1ydTcxqVnw/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+two+grooms+one+bride.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaqimt252g_pmmQNd-5ruCbC19mh3ARPL0rocx_uws0D_-amMRtPz6dI32BB2tpFWxQo37SeSYETIjp9UgQybnR_eoIOxohfS6lkkVv1yReu8wFXjKrBwtd3-WsYzP2nxAb1ydTcxqVnw/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+two+grooms+one+bride.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two grooms, one bride: Beethoven, Ah Chiu, and bride</td></tr>
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To be fair, <i>only one of them</i> is getting married to Deannie Yip here. The other one is just along for the ride. And speaking of rides, before the actual wedding vows can be exchanged, the buddy cop partners get a call on their pagers and immediately leave the bride at the alter. They jump into their souped-up Police Bridemobile <sup>(TM pending)</sup> and rush to the scene of a suicide attempt. More buddy cop movies should have bridemobile chases.<br />
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When they get there, Beethoven gets ready to negotiate with the suicidal jumper,<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvCenkXR63t-lagptESSNkWrblxIh2ka9DO6zN7dJThyoPLS11fiEVhKzGLM8vlYldAdQm_oFhIkjNASqri4gGvNIMMe6oaOXt8W6YsUy-PQo1F7_Mk8vqQnmr-tA-2KuK_ET7LmykY7Y/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+lend+me+your+lipstick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvCenkXR63t-lagptESSNkWrblxIh2ka9DO6zN7dJThyoPLS11fiEVhKzGLM8vlYldAdQm_oFhIkjNASqri4gGvNIMMe6oaOXt8W6YsUy-PQo1F7_Mk8vqQnmr-tA-2KuK_ET7LmykY7Y/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+lend+me+your+lipstick.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Lend me your lipstick and make-up pencil"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
then he <b>talks the suicidal jumper down by pretending to be his gay lover.</b> How does that even work? And more to the point, what is director Philip Chan trying to establish at the start of <i>The Return of Pom Pom</i>?<br />
<br />
Philip Chan basically sets up the first scene of <i>The Return of Pom Pom</i> to proclaim that it's much better to be alive and miserable than to be any kind of gay. Think about it from the jumper's point of view: He's in suicidal despair. He doesn't care about anyone or any thing. He's ready to end it all. But then along comes Beethoven who accuses him of being gay. <i>If I die now</i>, he thinks, <i>everyone will think I was gay!</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LuxHvrAjOZuNjMXCi-dDqMFvT99HKBEIt7SuxtW43PSUmBK6ArZffV5lr6x_RYkoVILA4717fJDnmCiCp8D92DqqnNWYSPUi_wrynzBeTyYGhnl8yQx2QyD1GAIprdeUeodWkXwpknc/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+doing+it+for+gay+movement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LuxHvrAjOZuNjMXCi-dDqMFvT99HKBEIt7SuxtW43PSUmBK6ArZffV5lr6x_RYkoVILA4717fJDnmCiCp8D92DqqnNWYSPUi_wrynzBeTyYGhnl8yQx2QyD1GAIprdeUeodWkXwpknc/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+doing+it+for+gay+movement.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"We're doing it for the gay movement"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So he changes his mind! It's as simple as that. Living with the torture of suicidal despair is much better than posthumous assumed gayness, apparently.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtuG973ggGtfFSGhcIOhupv88XtoEdT1p4RabYBOWOIuJpIKdZGLU9FMCefYJ_jkz-lt91K-k8cLvrlQdgD3zb7G-AMMymzmmObbJAmatydlSY72yBEfWHT9wWZq7d7N3HhHufTzYtxQI/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+Im+not+gay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtuG973ggGtfFSGhcIOhupv88XtoEdT1p4RabYBOWOIuJpIKdZGLU9FMCefYJ_jkz-lt91K-k8cLvrlQdgD3zb7G-AMMymzmmObbJAmatydlSY72yBEfWHT9wWZq7d7N3HhHufTzYtxQI/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+Im+not+gay.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm not gay, I'm not gay!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
To paraphrase Queen Gertrude in Shakespeare's <i>Hamlet</i>, "This movie doth protest too much, methinks!" <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9fSngwUgZiQhgpxrl8zit8tx2XC4lGvj_lGpItzmobSAJNRkrmj_RzoU4518ErwZa0omA2xCasfVzR9sZd8PO9aUX-2KKLV5HHUEu0-Ql6AnSkZvxJXi2LH_SvuE5tSVTL0nT8t_w9M/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+pose+on+rooftop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP9fSngwUgZiQhgpxrl8zit8tx2XC4lGvj_lGpItzmobSAJNRkrmj_RzoU4518ErwZa0omA2xCasfVzR9sZd8PO9aUX-2KKLV5HHUEu0-Ql6AnSkZvxJXi2LH_SvuE5tSVTL0nT8t_w9M/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+pose+on+rooftop.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beethoven and Ah Chiu celebrate their <i>not</i>-gayness on the rooftop. <br />
Wasn't one of them supposed to be getting married?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The wedding eventually happens. Through a contrived, nonsensical plot twist, Beethoven immediately moves in with the newlywed couple. He quickly replaces the photo of the happy bride and groom with a photo of Ah Chiu (bless you!) and himself:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL6ryp6qID8r5XX4DnkQ3sczQzr33vEt-pOgbWkSMWt1FkWShdE7bSg959KZ8Vx19_x2-Vbjo04DXd-MGOGfyQOLv9k_rYiKlYqgGIZ6mbYLUAjp7_NTFKmQnYU97v5J7Pj5i2sDoM0ZM/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+photo+of+police+buddies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL6ryp6qID8r5XX4DnkQ3sczQzr33vEt-pOgbWkSMWt1FkWShdE7bSg959KZ8Vx19_x2-Vbjo04DXd-MGOGfyQOLv9k_rYiKlYqgGIZ6mbYLUAjp7_NTFKmQnYU97v5J7Pj5i2sDoM0ZM/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+photo+of+police+buddies.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
And he also starts walking around the apartment in various stages of undress, leading to a bunch of rather painful and tedious visual comedy gags:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-O4k-cattW-CGgzOp3iy35bYsZZCD3pAG9LbxiItM0MkwUZ3ofwS2FlEovVyGRAdKshGceNL__53kqGRZo7dYitJxOc2ba3Tts_puaMdF5esxJ_mTAamnaOHpPPEZmurITwlHjLliPBU/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+i+have+no+underwear+on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-O4k-cattW-CGgzOp3iy35bYsZZCD3pAG9LbxiItM0MkwUZ3ofwS2FlEovVyGRAdKshGceNL__53kqGRZo7dYitJxOc2ba3Tts_puaMdF5esxJ_mTAamnaOHpPPEZmurITwlHjLliPBU/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+i+have+no+underwear+on.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Um . . . ok?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But this is also a <i>police</i> buddy film, which means there's a rather convoluted crime for them to solve. Lam Ching Ying plays a bad guy named The Flying Spider who has stolen some police evidence. Beethoven and Ah Chiu (do you need a tissue?) have to get that evidence back!<br />
<br />
This involves some of the most ridiculous police work you've ever seen, such as a police investigation that involves dressing in outdated swim-wear and whistling the tune "Tea for Two" at various guys.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes, there's a lot of definitely-not-gay police work in <i>The Return of Pom Pom.</i></span></div>
<br />
It also involves numerous non sequiters, like this:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP4eauLC0eLomFuyfCShyphenhyphenl7NGEo9KMej-7aoxwZYVmaQEe31-y-nazXbl_kNpgC4FtNSGJKCIid4en4PaiqhFvtfFkXSARtvN3FRX9BThDh4qmuPfhYUBJYO3JaW4LPEYgPgljq5urA08/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+remember+my+turtles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP4eauLC0eLomFuyfCShyphenhyphenl7NGEo9KMej-7aoxwZYVmaQEe31-y-nazXbl_kNpgC4FtNSGJKCIid4en4PaiqhFvtfFkXSARtvN3FRX9BThDh4qmuPfhYUBJYO3JaW4LPEYgPgljq5urA08/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+remember+my+turtles.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You're here? Good. Remember my turtles?" <br />
Out-of-nowhere lines like this make me love Hong Kong cinema even more!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, on the romantic side of this Chinese movie, Beethoven eventually manages to snag a girlfriend of his own. Here he is, all dressed up for his first date. Except it looks like he's gotten all his heterosexual fashion advice from Richard Simmons:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyiChRSnJCAZKy0tGY0YEolWQzn880NW0iZKFmKDpnZuF9F3Wffk9YKMbs6defdLCqWznZIpEg3PQXxJytfarb-CdkjaIzZBqXEnf3xz5txtdiEdWmuHCjKxawWlRDCoRBINGL19VDhKM/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+all+dressed+up+for+his+date+richard+simmons+style.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyiChRSnJCAZKy0tGY0YEolWQzn880NW0iZKFmKDpnZuF9F3Wffk9YKMbs6defdLCqWznZIpEg3PQXxJytfarb-CdkjaIzZBqXEnf3xz5txtdiEdWmuHCjKxawWlRDCoRBINGL19VDhKM/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+all+dressed+up+for+his+date+richard+simmons+style.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beethoven ready for his heterosexual encounter.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Honestly, this is all rather tedious and slow, and not really very funny. The movie finally picks up near the end, when they confront The Flying Spider, Lam Ching Ying, who is pretending to be paralyzed. By the way, Lam Ching Ying is one of Hong Kong cinema's best fight
choreographers, and his presence in this film makes the whole thing a lot more
bearable!<br />
<br />
Watch for how Ah Chiu tests to see if Lam Ching Ying is lying. And there's some amusing potential for paraplegic kung fu:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCbyf59fFKCwxO0pa_x_wClKah6HicX1WrhOrHJkAyVGAyEcTbDxSr6N97jc06Um9WE4BJeIChgcNmnku-YDpKMTtCf1CTF67v6TzY3tB2XKIdgJRY0cxAM6mkvXzUm02qqvu6dPgm33k/s1600/Return+of+Pom+Pom+parapalegic+fight+scene.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCbyf59fFKCwxO0pa_x_wClKah6HicX1WrhOrHJkAyVGAyEcTbDxSr6N97jc06Um9WE4BJeIChgcNmnku-YDpKMTtCf1CTF67v6TzY3tB2XKIdgJRY0cxAM6mkvXzUm02qqvu6dPgm33k/s400/Return+of+Pom+Pom+parapalegic+fight+scene.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If anyone can pull off a paraplegic fight scene, Lam Ching Ying can.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But Lam Ching Ying quickly gets bored of pretending to be paralyzed, so he starts fighting like normal. <i>But then he apparently gets bored of fighting like normal, so he <b>ends the fight scene in one of the silliest ways I've ever seen</b></i>.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review: </b>It's silly and mildly amusing at times, but the whole "we're not gay" thing can get really tedious after a while.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-9744927439515277982011-11-26T21:30:00.001-08:002017-08-20T15:57:51.773-07:00Movie Review: Oily ManiacI love how straightforward the titles of Chinese movies can be. <i>Oily Maniac</i>? Well I guess we all know what we're in for with this fine offering!<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Oily Maniac</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
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<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.8 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.6 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Oily Maniac</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9RFvMFrhpPPD-UxxFWJI7kqBHpimnPgyEcHSoi973vs9WZUkCUmNYm_fywBxjmIs0kNLVw90jQKzji-cYOXkpFJYakj5OAbadDfsWn-7IW4IB2wJ2brj8tnRHXUjOW95VEA8ek6JIwek/s1600/oily+maniac+cover+scan+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9RFvMFrhpPPD-UxxFWJI7kqBHpimnPgyEcHSoi973vs9WZUkCUmNYm_fywBxjmIs0kNLVw90jQKzji-cYOXkpFJYakj5OAbadDfsWn-7IW4IB2wJ2brj8tnRHXUjOW95VEA8ek6JIwek/s200/oily+maniac+cover+scan+small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Ho Meng Hua for the Shaw Brothers Studios</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Danny Lee, Chen Ping, Lily Li, Hua Lun, Wang Hsia</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1976</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Shaw Brothers 100185 <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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<br />
This Chinese movie from the Shaw Brothers Studios is very much in the tradition of the <b>goofy, random monster movies</b> that proliferated in the second half of the twentieth century. This movie making strategy takes anything, anything at all, and makes it into a monster. The <b>monsterfication of ordinary things</b> was often done by making them extra big, or extra strong, or maybe “radioactive.” A reliable hallmark of this technique was ominous, dramatically building music, the slowly rising “<i>dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN!</i>” that we hear whenever the monstrous ant or lizard or shark or doll or janitor or dog or toddler was approaching its next victim.
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<a name='more'></a>The monster in <i>this</i> Shaw Brothers movie is a relatively ordinary guy with crippled legs . . . <i>dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN</i> . . . who is covered in oil! And once he's covered in oil, he becomes far from ordinary. He becomes . . . <i>dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN</i> . . . maniacal, of course! Like some kind of petroleum based Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, he can't control his killing urges when he's gotten all oily: <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDChop5MmnuVgu34sISKXTquthh9QxyZvtdOmLz6MCp6UekGH7wgNOeWjgMgif92u5DS4Q9u8kx_YuAqX636-H7TsKPmtO8RCaCj7Qf6pzXxSxJfcKsPoYxFMvvjMGWvvvK7AvcieEpWI/s1600/Oily+Maniac+I+am+a+monster.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDChop5MmnuVgu34sISKXTquthh9QxyZvtdOmLz6MCp6UekGH7wgNOeWjgMgif92u5DS4Q9u8kx_YuAqX636-H7TsKPmtO8RCaCj7Qf6pzXxSxJfcKsPoYxFMvvjMGWvvvK7AvcieEpWI/s1600/Oily+Maniac+I+am+a+monster.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ah, the ethical dilemma of reluctant monsters the world over!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Thoroughly oiled, the oily maniac also becomes really strong and pretty much invincible. He's like an extra greasy Incredible Hulk. He can leap really high, and knives and bullets cut through his oily self without leaving a scratch. If he does manage to accidentally get his arm or head cut off, he oily-ly grows back a new one, through the seeping, amorphous power of oil!<br />
<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Oil: So many unexplored uses in modern, prosthetic medicine!</span></div>
<br />
He's SO invincible, you start hoping that one of his victims will wise up and attack him with a giant bar of soap. Alas, that never happens. And if invincibility wasn't enough, he's also able to travel really quickly by turning into a slippery, sliding oil puddle (or oil slick, if he's at sea). He can go wherever oil can go, and he's pretty unstoppable. He can even flow through the city water system . . . <i>dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN</i> . . . into your tub!<br />
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How does he get these special oily super powers by just oiling himself up? This old guy tries to explain it to the hero:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjQNp9icwatn6VLrAUSWQGZrxWi3HQZF0PAI53AXaPkaoyc0vniILQSWro9qLH-IvpIGSiTzJyGaTadb7fVSkB8qq-hpOEtXJ1r5iZNGh_M9MyLHJOt45jW-_SWG6IgtNNF9m76Im0YfE/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Explanation+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjQNp9icwatn6VLrAUSWQGZrxWi3HQZF0PAI53AXaPkaoyc0vniILQSWro9qLH-IvpIGSiTzJyGaTadb7fVSkB8qq-hpOEtXJ1r5iZNGh_M9MyLHJOt45jW-_SWG6IgtNNF9m76Im0YfE/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Explanation+1.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Your father was a shaman; sort of exorcist."</td></tr>
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But somehow this explanation leaves both actors looking confused and embarrassed:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1MuhQWYx-tNlVajiqXVticYaZcQOQV8FIrG2_GNU0WwdV3AVZcu_YprTkoi0BbN8j0nKUPH-Fs2tz9e3fa-QiFNqWTzgwRc287JD-c0y87VqwPu6SBqDqTWvtZrddtWhn7gkPYM8ITZw/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Explanation+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1MuhQWYx-tNlVajiqXVticYaZcQOQV8FIrG2_GNU0WwdV3AVZcu_YprTkoi0BbN8j0nKUPH-Fs2tz9e3fa-QiFNqWTzgwRc287JD-c0y87VqwPu6SBqDqTWvtZrddtWhn7gkPYM8ITZw/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Explanation+2.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Geeze, that can't <i>really</i> be what the script says, can it?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Also, the old guy has some kind of treasure map tattooed on his back, which has something to do with these magical oily powers.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy1OFC5CDlAio5iDcTvM3EUrhPwaFqgroUdKO6c0zKK-re8MWZStvWumXTevt2chxBM2yYavDp7upPbnmijCuXHqUW_gsnzoPBAGJhm6DgrBxAI6VXc5rFwk-6-qG7FKWMQFihOVtfVhA/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Treasure+Map.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy1OFC5CDlAio5iDcTvM3EUrhPwaFqgroUdKO6c0zKK-re8MWZStvWumXTevt2chxBM2yYavDp7upPbnmijCuXHqUW_gsnzoPBAGJhm6DgrBxAI6VXc5rFwk-6-qG7FKWMQFihOVtfVhA/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Treasure+Map.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Treasure map, etched out in . . . <i>dun, dun, dun, DUN</i> . . . OIL!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The <i>Oily Maniac</i> treasure map apparently tells our crippled hero to dig a big hole in the middle of his floor and sit in it. Witness the result.<br />
<br />
<br />
I should mention that this Shaw Brothers movie also tries to be some sort of weirdly sleazy romance. (Buyer beware: Many Shaw Brothers movies of the 1970s have a weirdly sleazy vibe to them.) Unfortunately, the hero of <i>Oily Maniac</i> gets the romance parts of this movie utterly and completely wrong.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFb0ARuzhdbo45Nm_IBN__1-uAxXihxF7D0oxNHXky4AhksWhHR-HVskrlkI2IV_nXsBCk1iH7CvuMuzRR6LaZ9Y4R3iQa2Ixp0tc-i4tTRttLd6pXwwaMagEzkMXA9hnBKuT-e9KoVCE/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Tempting+Fate.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFb0ARuzhdbo45Nm_IBN__1-uAxXihxF7D0oxNHXky4AhksWhHR-HVskrlkI2IV_nXsBCk1iH7CvuMuzRR6LaZ9Y4R3iQa2Ixp0tc-i4tTRttLd6pXwwaMagEzkMXA9hnBKuT-e9KoVCE/s1600/Oily+Maniac+Tempting+Fate.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tempting Fate: You should <i>never</i> say this in a horror film!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What our hero lacks in romantic prowess, <b>he makes up for in oily homicidal rage.</b> There's a bunch of rather tedious and complicated plot strands in Oily Maniac, involving unscrupulous lawyers and unscrupulous doctors and unscrupulous business executives and unscrupulous rapists and unscrupulous financiers. You get the picture. Our oily, crippled, Jekyll-and-Hyde guy lives in a mean and seedy world, and the sole reason director Ho Meng Hua populated his movie this way is to give our hero lots and lots of victims he can kill while still retaining our sympathy. <br />
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Once you realize what the director is doing, this becomes quite an impressive feat. Oily maniac wantonly and carelessly kills people left right and center, spattering oil and blood all over the screen, but each murder leaves you oddly cheered. “Yep, he had it coming,” you'll say. “And so did all those others.”<br />
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<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b>
Cheesy, slow at times, and rather genre-confused. But hey, it's called <i>Oily Maniac</i>. What did you expect? If you are the kind of person who would even consider watching a 1970's movie called <i>Oily Maniac</i> in the first place, then sure: for you, it's recommended.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-59153021715912474382011-11-25T11:38:00.001-08:002017-08-20T15:58:44.594-07:00Movie Review: Kung Fu Hip HopI'm pretty sure <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i> was conceived of by a marketing director. I picture some fat guy who despises youth culture, chomping a cigar in a dark room somewhere in Beijing. He calls in his director, Fu Huayang, and starts shouting: “What do kids these days like? Shut up, I'll tell you what they like! They like hip hop! They like dancing! And who the hell doesn't like kung fu?! So, <i>go <b>go Go!</b></i> Make me a movie with hip hop kung fu dancing. Or kung fu hip hop dancing. I don't give a damn, as long as the kids line up and buy the tickets. Go! Why are you still here, looking at me like I'm crazy?”<br />
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<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.3 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.6 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.5 out of 5</b></td>
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</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Kung Fu Hip Hop</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniQsc6vAMbZ0mvil75qLmRkfqvNfUC9XZnkg__Rbji_6kHmu8TEqm8F4KWvWPcP3IW-I1lRmj1CI5_GjhC_hIHPog428K3UfYqr4gY8xq977trncjI01io3hXVbeM5Tfid0HKDWMvF6M/s1600/kung+fu+hip+hop+cover+scan+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniQsc6vAMbZ0mvil75qLmRkfqvNfUC9XZnkg__Rbji_6kHmu8TEqm8F4KWvWPcP3IW-I1lRmj1CI5_GjhC_hIHPog428K3UfYqr4gY8xq977trncjI01io3hXVbeM5Tfid0HKDWMvF6M/s200/kung+fu+hip+hop+cover+scan+small.jpg" width="174" /></a></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Fu Huayang</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Fan Bingbing, Jordan Chan, Poppin Hyne Joan</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">2008</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Kam & Ronson KAM2927 <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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Thus, <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i> was born. And how could it miss? It's got “awesome” kung fu, “awesome” DJ-ing, “awesome” “hip hop” “dancing”, “awesome” “rap.” Wait, why all the scare quotes? Well...<br />
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<a name='more'></a>It turns out there's a really big problem with this film. They overlooked something very important. Nobody involved at any stage of <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i> seemed to know enough about<br />
<ul>
<li><b>kung fu </b></li>
<li><b>hip hop </b></li>
<li><b>dancing </b></li>
<li><b>DJ-ing </b></li>
<li>or<b> rap music</b> </li>
</ul>
to actually make any of these appear even slightly “awesome” in this film.<br />
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The movie apparently had a decent budget, but they really should have spent some of that on a decent fight choreographer, a decent music consultant, and a decent dance choreographer.
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<b>Fun Fact:</b> The dance choreographer they hired was called <i><b>Director of Dance: Ice Cream</b></i>. OK, I can see what he's trying to do, with that “hip hop name” and all. But, no. That's a bad miss. </div>
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If this movie had been made by Stephen Chow, I bet it would have been really, really good. It's not. But, <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html" target="_blank">from the Gweilo's perspective</a>, it's still quite amusing all the same. It's just that most of the fun of watching <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i> comes from seeing what the director hopes will be “awesome”, but isn’t even close.<br />
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<caption align="TOP"><b>Kung Fu Hip Hop Fashion Advice</b></caption>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEHKy5BtW8n7NFmfDze7sMtCm-iREm4bNJwqekPLw-fgjPq2xjf3IDPhv2Q7Fdg-WzoP8BaZFUSCBp6BT9N5eOUgjJbpH-2okucwM9Lu9wfiB4d4P3EmDOQSImr6JKTLgSq5Cxh7e6zWw/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fashion+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEHKy5BtW8n7NFmfDze7sMtCm-iREm4bNJwqekPLw-fgjPq2xjf3IDPhv2Q7Fdg-WzoP8BaZFUSCBp6BT9N5eOUgjJbpH-2okucwM9Lu9wfiB4d4P3EmDOQSImr6JKTLgSq5Cxh7e6zWw/s320/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fashion+1.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bling bling bling, eh?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisC-E3JWur7EM5hVDyKit9RXOj5kIfJQVZbjI2q82HpxUa5Wl1L9JRa3-4xFbTc1gxXs6gWZ5kyspe9h2RYLMCRb0PNebWN0qeTKSojkIXcMPjF0CnIc30VGKeBlp0DWJiHgUaF1zQ27k/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fashion+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisC-E3JWur7EM5hVDyKit9RXOj5kIfJQVZbjI2q82HpxUa5Wl1L9JRa3-4xFbTc1gxXs6gWZ5kyspe9h2RYLMCRb0PNebWN0qeTKSojkIXcMPjF0CnIc30VGKeBlp0DWJiHgUaF1zQ27k/s320/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fashion+2.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll call my dentist now!</td></tr>
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Do you want proof that what director Fu Huayang thinks is amazing is actually only "amazing"? <b>I'll give you proof!</b><br />
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The hero of the film is a down-and-out drunken bum who has a lot of problems. It turns out, because he's <i><b>from the streets</b></i>, he's an “awesome” hip hop dancer, and an “awesome” rapper! <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnG3-VEMYMqwLRi6AJQS6D6a3f21V1rSH-vGFGow3LSe6tZSnofGuig8god-r_1BNQi5ajIlt4iQxXYO7vXCljMRaNUM6yobRu_X5DjhTId_A1OdxDCXzfBKC3ks1aosCA63OuEC80kDo/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Empty+Bindle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnG3-VEMYMqwLRi6AJQS6D6a3f21V1rSH-vGFGow3LSe6tZSnofGuig8god-r_1BNQi5ajIlt4iQxXYO7vXCljMRaNUM6yobRu_X5DjhTId_A1OdxDCXzfBKC3ks1aosCA63OuEC80kDo/s400/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Empty+Bindle.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ah, gosh!" The bum despairs at his empty bindle.</td></tr>
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In the clip below, there's a big hip hop dancing showcase going on at a famous Beijing club. The hero bum is staggering around outside the club, drunk and half frozen. International superstar DJ “Tina” is on the decks, stabbing randomly at two turntables and a two-channel cross-mixer in ways that would not produce any music in real life. (In the film though, her goofy DJ antics somehow produce some simplistic techno.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlSRBRvImhG2mJTpw0OvV2bgB0Did6KMnu9KMfZ3x9sab1QdqfofxqKwgNBeRfO6-MdxarfU0X72D9tweLgO_KtBox0gFoJWizFpAXAtbtje9OjynOfwSpkJcwWIFNIMic6SrDsCuUZMc/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Hot+Girl+is+Awesome.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlSRBRvImhG2mJTpw0OvV2bgB0Did6KMnu9KMfZ3x9sab1QdqfofxqKwgNBeRfO6-MdxarfU0X72D9tweLgO_KtBox0gFoJWizFpAXAtbtje9OjynOfwSpkJcwWIFNIMic6SrDsCuUZMc/s400/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Hot+Girl+is+Awesome.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hint: If you have to <b>tell</b> your viewers that she's awesome, then maybe she isn't!</td></tr>
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Meanwhile, the drunken bum starts to go into convulsions in the alley behind the club. It looks like he's going to throw up. The rent-a-cops in the club notice the bum's spastic seizures on their security cameras, but unbelievably they all decide that his jerking around is actually some kind of really awesome hip hop dancing. They get so excited watching the bum “dance” that they wreck the keyboard on their security system, which somehow malfunctions and projects our “dancing” hero up onto the big screen inside the club. Everyone present stops their own dancing in utter amazement, and all agree that the drunken bum is doing “amazing” “hip hop” “dancing”. SPOILER: HE ISN'T! HE REALLY, REALLY ISN'T. I <i>guarantee</i> this is the most inadvertently funny “awesome dancing” scene you will ever see in any movie, ever.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The drunken bum amazes with his "awesome" hip hop dance moves</span></div>
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A little later, DJ Tina runs into this same bum on the street, selling cheap imitations of name brand merchandise. And “rapping”. Oh yes! His “rapping” is so unbelievably “amazing” that, like Tina, we viewers are all supposed to be extremely impressed and blown away. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The drunken bum amazes again, this time with "awesome" rapping.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">"Snop dog funcky" indeed!</span></div>
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Watch these clips and you will see exactly why this movie is so amusing, and why it provides such amazingly good <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html#mst3k" target="_blank">MST3K material</a>, from the Gweilo's perspective. By the way, the drunken bum hero's name is "Chu Dong." Yes, Chu Dong! But, you know what? I don't even have to go there. His rapping and dancing are hilarious enough all by themselves.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkUhVqZQeED_YoCWtPyMrAO1wf1aVpJqIEgyx_MbFLlGvw46QxZfDL2Yx6dzKJJGhDkX1NCBCAbtC3aR3_dqm9BzAGuVKuDJA0yk-WvTY3Ym0FxLyR5j1a5qmx7doRI3sqlhswWsiAcXU/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Masterstroke.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkUhVqZQeED_YoCWtPyMrAO1wf1aVpJqIEgyx_MbFLlGvw46QxZfDL2Yx6dzKJJGhDkX1NCBCAbtC3aR3_dqm9BzAGuVKuDJA0yk-WvTY3Ym0FxLyR5j1a5qmx7doRI3sqlhswWsiAcXU/s400/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Masterstroke.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If some guy named "Dong" says this to you, <br />
you should probably get out of the way!</td></tr>
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As I mentioned, drunken hero bum Chu Dong has various problems he needs to solve, like a blind sister who needs expensive surgery. <i>Fortunately</i>, there’s a hip hop dancing contest coming up in Beijing with a million dollar prize! Unfortunately, Chu Dong refuses to do it, and stays reluctant at every turn. <i>No, no</i>, says Dong. <i>I will never dance again!</i> The reluctant hero is a common enough plot strategy in Chinese movies. But to make the reluctant hero plot device work, there needs to be some kind of tragic happening in the hero's past. Maybe Dong's “awesome” dancing killed a bunch of nuns and baby seals long ago, so he vowed to never dance again. In <i>Kung Fu Hip Hop</i>, Chu Dong acts like he’s made this vow, but just like actual kung fu and actual hip hop dancing, Fu Huayang left this crucial bit—<i>the reason why</i>—out of the film.<br />
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After a while, Dong gets in a fight and decides he'll compete for the prize money after all. So, <b>of course</b> he recruits a bunch of<b> auto mechanics</b> as his dancing crew (does “auto mechanic” immediately spring to mind when <i>you</i> think “nimble dancer”?) There is also<b> a second, evil dance crew</b> thrown in to act the part of their rivals. And of course we get a few fight scenes between the crews, in which the director apparently decided that<i><b> poor lighting could make up for the poor fight choreography:</b></i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0eMf_v15DTx3DMw1j28bUO2khUyZUQgKF6YrZgBw0v2wis8Gz2moSlBhFtVb8m850ybMpb1iQ62_gLLOfbamNEJLgiQNsI3miCMEBVrJQLY5lq-Giu-rajXUqxO9ogHJBn4w94Yt88g/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fight+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0eMf_v15DTx3DMw1j28bUO2khUyZUQgKF6YrZgBw0v2wis8Gz2moSlBhFtVb8m850ybMpb1iQ62_gLLOfbamNEJLgiQNsI3miCMEBVrJQLY5lq-Giu-rajXUqxO9ogHJBn4w94Yt88g/s320/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fight+1.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can you make out what's going on in this fight?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi79SmFdgBIOipk8fjYs8a3_ZilTnO3iBQcdXP5hariGICIzcPs3WgZOcVx2nlZmicY_yppXCB0AX3UQO50uyH_voBwgfw7VZLrV05iJ4shDCwpzrsC4k3Gh6hPShP2nnVspOXH6h7zM/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fight+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi79SmFdgBIOipk8fjYs8a3_ZilTnO3iBQcdXP5hariGICIzcPs3WgZOcVx2nlZmicY_yppXCB0AX3UQO50uyH_voBwgfw7VZLrV05iJ4shDCwpzrsC4k3Gh6hPShP2nnVspOXH6h7zM/s320/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Fight+2.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, me neither.</td></tr>
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This all leads up to a very long final competition scene that is one of the most <b>self aggrandizing and self indulgent</b> things I've ever seen in a movie. We get a full half an hour of fans screaming at all this “amazing” hip hop dancing. The director then takes us far and wide, showing increasing numbers of fans all across China, from babies to old grandmothers, tuning in to watch this very important competition on TV, and being thoroughly and totally “amazed” by the “amazing” “amazingness” of it all.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaznNlH1vq9u8jdNeBnLPBEowVwrZO1I3J4c_79msuhwKeAqaUr-UJtj_rcyC_JDlyUBitvjfz327DDrHHxzTdd8tK0nEJSmSJ37TpjmPFrW0e6h9lxHI8JNIqZfYWagvOJbweRPxdus/s1600/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Amazing+Dance.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVaznNlH1vq9u8jdNeBnLPBEowVwrZO1I3J4c_79msuhwKeAqaUr-UJtj_rcyC_JDlyUBitvjfz327DDrHHxzTdd8tK0nEJSmSJ37TpjmPFrW0e6h9lxHI8JNIqZfYWagvOJbweRPxdus/s400/Kung+Fu+Hip+Hop+Amazing+Dance.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Amazing!"</td></tr>
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<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> Not awesome. Not even slightly. But "awesome" enough to be a lot of fun. Recommended!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-14816759134805658262011-11-20T19:50:00.001-08:002017-09-02T14:36:31.937-07:00Movie Review: Bury Me HighThis Chinese movie had a huge budget for a Hong Kong film. Tsui Sui-Ming had enough money for full-on war scenes, involving hundreds of soldiers, a dozen or so tanks, helicopters, entire south east Asian villages, and more explosions per minute than a <a href="http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2011/11/04/bayhem-the-infographic-that-goes-boom/" target="_blank">Michael Bay</a> feature.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Bury Me High</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.2 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.6 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.5 out of 5</b></td>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Bury Me High</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZvfAkeHFnHzD6-8Yp82TVGVfvlCjaZYn_CCFu1CoR0HdPXdLWIE14c2YLgFwIXb1i8vV90OwFPD60XnIrNp46FIOgZwxyp1ohMGuI1jPLsT2yTyFj_an1hSNAMNC_qNBraUplRXGlfz0/s1600/burymehigh_cover_scan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZvfAkeHFnHzD6-8Yp82TVGVfvlCjaZYn_CCFu1CoR0HdPXdLWIE14c2YLgFwIXb1i8vV90OwFPD60XnIrNp46FIOgZwxyp1ohMGuI1jPLsT2yTyFj_an1hSNAMNC_qNBraUplRXGlfz0/s200/burymehigh_cover_scan.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Tsui Sui-Ming</td>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Moon Lee, Chin Kar-Lok, Tsui Sui-Ming</td>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1991</td>
</tr>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Fortune Star JS/VCD/3035/HK <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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</table>
</div>
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Tsui Sui-Ming also traveled internationally with his cast and crew, filming some of this on location in Los Angeles, some in Hong Kong, some in what looks like a Hollywood Western, and a lot in what looks like a Vietnam War movie's back lot.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDJ9RTGL2f-vj3oEcQZNcWua2jT3ufrw0zHaeXD6luKmXIZtN9exkLmzrTTU45kaKkweACA8bR2vUZLuAfhcgpa7BGNCSXK7ja1ww7E_TKw0CX5k6GPYQxZoBR65MvEX5mzOaarweWoo/s1600/bury+me+high+western.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDJ9RTGL2f-vj3oEcQZNcWua2jT3ufrw0zHaeXD6luKmXIZtN9exkLmzrTTU45kaKkweACA8bR2vUZLuAfhcgpa7BGNCSXK7ja1ww7E_TKw0CX5k6GPYQxZoBR65MvEX5mzOaarweWoo/s400/bury+me+high+western.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is it a Western?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtIEgsPSevuc8JGhv7YMUcEa3VvWVlMzqp_WVYAW24k2u94bXldrNk3LQAQVCwa_vVh_X_LNoX1v49bSqIEhA-r4jZPD7uinWLsB6TOG_xljOn7K-s1OnqPm3GCbD_BBkwbiZePr3Avg0/s1600/bury+me+high+los+angles+police+chase.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtIEgsPSevuc8JGhv7YMUcEa3VvWVlMzqp_WVYAW24k2u94bXldrNk3LQAQVCwa_vVh_X_LNoX1v49bSqIEhA-r4jZPD7uinWLsB6TOG_xljOn7K-s1OnqPm3GCbD_BBkwbiZePr3Avg0/s400/bury+me+high+los+angles+police+chase.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Or an LA Police movie?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbzHJUmOWjleqyJMlEe3qVj5F4fKu-xhusYM0ciw2tnPyM0ppMPQZNiyMl4EHpftEMPTlSU09eelg-eEk0in28zGFvD3yLaYjtRtl-LXzwgjU87JFPymvVSze4_U90UbXpDDlmlR2SpPs/s1600/bury+me+high+vietnam+war+movie+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbzHJUmOWjleqyJMlEe3qVj5F4fKu-xhusYM0ciw2tnPyM0ppMPQZNiyMl4EHpftEMPTlSU09eelg-eEk0in28zGFvD3yLaYjtRtl-LXzwgjU87JFPymvVSze4_U90UbXpDDlmlR2SpPs/s400/bury+me+high+vietnam+war+movie+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Or a Vietnam War movie?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBG0g6Qz3pMtmc7iPe3FB8N1PS9QUjyCi-pgvqyCvqAV1s4EKRsj-6RH-m88UXr743QEzL4EWkzak9NPE23wSpHOlnU9Rc3lGV38p-CRT_O1WoGxGhXj4ak4ouhR11F6Dw3U_Y6cEVuNQ/s1600/bury+me+high+vietnam+war+movie+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBG0g6Qz3pMtmc7iPe3FB8N1PS9QUjyCi-pgvqyCvqAV1s4EKRsj-6RH-m88UXr743QEzL4EWkzak9NPE23wSpHOlnU9Rc3lGV38p-CRT_O1WoGxGhXj4ak4ouhR11F6Dw3U_Y6cEVuNQ/s400/bury+me+high+vietnam+war+movie+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Recognize this pose?</td></tr>
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It has some <b>awesome, well choreographed fight scenes</b> from Chin Kar-Lok and from the other principals of the film too. It has well-planned, dramatic, and often very effective cinematography, with really effective use of color and lighting and camera placement. On the strength of the fight scenes and the cinematography alone, this movie should have been so much better than it is.<br />
<br />
<br />
But something, somewhere, went horribly wrong with this Chinese movie. From your average movie goer's perspective, <i>Bury Me High</i> ended up a confusing, jumbled mess. From <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html" target="_blank">the Gweilo's perspective</a> though, there's perhaps enough silliness in the confusion for a mildly amusing time.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Heavy-Handed Exposition</span></div>
<br />
One of the first problems with this Chinese movie becomes evident even before the film itself starts: A huge screen of text explaining the premise of the movie before we actually see any action.<br />
<br />
The premise of <i>Bury Me High</i> is that certain locations have more Feng Shui than others, and if you are buried in one of these magic spots your decedents will have lots of luck. That's not a hard concept to grasp, but for some reason Tsui Sui-Ming feels like he has to explain this over and over and over again to the viewer at every chance he gets. For example, when two small kids watch their father die right in front of them, one of the characters takes the opportunity to lecture to them about the film's premise instead of comforting them<span style="font-size: x-small;">.</span><br />
<br />
Tediously, characters like this explain the same information again and again. If that wasn't enough, Tsui Sui-Ming gives us long flash-back scenes to parts of the movie we'd seen only moments before. I think it's safe to say that <b>making the film's premise excruciatingly clear was at the top of Tsui Sui-Ming's priorities list.</b><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Confused and Muddled Plot</span></div>
<br />
It's also safe to say that the rest of this film does <i>not</i> suffer from too much clarity. The heroes of <i>Bury Me High</i> are a business executive, a "hacker", a UCLA Professor of Astronomy. I should mention that in the world of this film "Astronomy" means the same thing as "Feng Shui Astrology". And, yes, the Professor tediously explains the premise of the movie several times, most notably in a Los Angeles planetarium, lecturing to a bunch of Hollywood extras who are trying to look like interested UCLA students. I should also mention that <i>the Professor is played by the director himself, Tsui Sui-Ming, who obviously <b>really, Really</b> has a thing for this movie's premise!</i><br />
<br />
This crew has a series of disconnected adventures, starting with a fight about fruit juice in a "trendy" Los Angeles disco, which makes them decide to "sneak into" a made up east Asian country named Carrinan. But something must have gotten lost in translation, because the next scene shows their plane landing to an army procession, a full brass band, and a ticker tape parade.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLjPXyfWse0U_R8zW-ZTj-gV0s8dxtlBmso7Lnc2S-X127PaUPKkcvr7OSwg8FVBmLT0q0lmvhii2GNgEB4TgiAa3-VPsxNJ4ERFj2gZPrIaaIjGKWQGrgpFXHuZpevYguTX5n5hhv7Mk/s1600/bury+me+high+what+sneaking+into+a+country+doesnt+look+like.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLjPXyfWse0U_R8zW-ZTj-gV0s8dxtlBmso7Lnc2S-X127PaUPKkcvr7OSwg8FVBmLT0q0lmvhii2GNgEB4TgiAa3-VPsxNJ4ERFj2gZPrIaaIjGKWQGrgpFXHuZpevYguTX5n5hhv7Mk/s320/bury+me+high+what+sneaking+into+a+country+doesnt+look+like.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If this is what it looks like when you are "sneaking" somewhere...</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBih2u79Jry8rhKw1a0GcExr3-N1ew11AyKrEnmViyLTA2l2pFdUkQPAPb0tdgTpM8737zs4QqNXJ65WTREeS_mtFn4VzKLhnIxMXRxxYATwgtC2fCENxtKoSuJ6Rru_5Cr6TiEQmPWk/s1600/bury+me+high+what+sneaking+into+a+country+doesnt+look+like+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBih2u79Jry8rhKw1a0GcExr3-N1ew11AyKrEnmViyLTA2l2pFdUkQPAPb0tdgTpM8737zs4QqNXJ65WTREeS_mtFn4VzKLhnIxMXRxxYATwgtC2fCENxtKoSuJ6Rru_5Cr6TiEQmPWk/s320/bury+me+high+what+sneaking+into+a+country+doesnt+look+like+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...then you are doing it very wrong.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Next, while driving along a rural road, they suddenly get attacked <i>for no reason at all</i> by an entire village in which every single occupant has a machine gun hidden somewhere (under their hat, under their chair, behind their cat, etc.) For the next five minutes there's explosions and machine gun fire and . . .<br />
<br />
. . . and, honestly, it's one of the silliest things I've ever seen, although it's not intended to be comic at all. It's like Tsui Sui-Ming decided the movie was getting a little dull, and he had a huge special effects budget, so why not put in several minutes worth of gunfire and explosions and people falling off exploding bridges and so forth. He doesn't even <i>try</i> to make it make sense.<br />
<br />
After that, it just gets worse, with a military coup (in which our newly-arrived heroes are nonsensically key figures), with more gun fights and bomb fights and kung fu and a really improbable <i>escape by freight train</i>. And then, just when you thought it couldn't get more random, out of nowhere he throws in a bunch of <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i> stuff.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i> Stuff</span></div>
<br />
My guess is that Tsui Sui-Ming was a big fan of the Indiana Jones movies. There's tons of Indiana Jones . . . <i>references?</i> . . . throughout <i>Bury Me High</i>. If it was a comedy movie, these references would constitute a running gag. But here they just seem weird and out of place. Like this version of the map room in <i>Raiders of the Lost Ark</i>:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4i7XgIDeqA2Th6WF3iIF3EWkDPVFMZiFvviG4IACFDyTnSefllEWllCRQ4b2xKEGndAncf7lKB0xwIbtVOjoC8B00QtKWYcO6HBKL4ve6i3Z3d4XKPlR7lJYhpzKPNby86WrYCzKluXA/s1600/bury+me+high+map+room.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4i7XgIDeqA2Th6WF3iIF3EWkDPVFMZiFvviG4IACFDyTnSefllEWllCRQ4b2xKEGndAncf7lKB0xwIbtVOjoC8B00QtKWYcO6HBKL4ve6i3Z3d4XKPlR7lJYhpzKPNby86WrYCzKluXA/s400/bury+me+high+map+room.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Map Room</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And watch for this film's own version of the iconic Ha-Ha-I've-got-the-key-branded-on-my-hand plot twist.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> It's a heavy-handed, big-budget mess. Genre-wise, it's all over the map. It's <i>potentially</i> weird enough to provide some amusement from <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html" target="_blank">the Gweilo's perspective</a>, but there's not really enough to raise it into true WTF or MST3K territory.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-45721913992821862852011-11-13T08:30:00.000-08:002017-09-02T14:38:07.953-07:00Movie Review: The Little Drunken Masters<b>It's</b> a movie staring kids. <i>I think I'll pass.</i><br />
<b>But</b> it's a Chinese movie where all the kids do Kung Fu. <i>It might be mildly amusing, but...</i>
<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>The Little Drunken Masters</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.9 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.6 out of 5</b></td>
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<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.8 out of 5</b></td>
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</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">The Little Drunken Masters</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhglr7EiSkA7dP0oqgjbWppogRPyFykRv8Ay36aliK_XFAr3Ia9bonyW6cnfEZEKR8rPzi59o1u8lDXYUpj2_Gdab6DpckkjwnXCiBxH0pQxsgwdcBH1DQcHEOSxOd_T-M62ZLrU9rrtzE/s1600/LDM+Cover+Scan+Small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhglr7EiSkA7dP0oqgjbWppogRPyFykRv8Ay36aliK_XFAr3Ia9bonyW6cnfEZEKR8rPzi59o1u8lDXYUpj2_Gdab6DpckkjwnXCiBxH0pQxsgwdcBH1DQcHEOSxOd_T-M62ZLrU9rrtzE/s200/LDM+Cover+Scan+Small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Stanley Sui Wing</td>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Carman Lee, Willie Chi, Xiong Xin Xin</td>
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<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1995</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Mei Ah VCD137 <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
</tr>
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</table>
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<b>But</b> it's a Chinese movie where the kids do all their own stunts, and the filmmaker has no qualms about dangling them from bridges, dropping them off tall ladders, throwing them against walls... <i>Oh really?</i><br />
<b>And the kids have to get really drunk to fight.</b> <i>Color me intrigued!</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeNxO0bZcdKj8jED6QvpmPm3VNQ_dt2KhgU5VntT8CczbMbUzsmIPx8-39g-BdokMoPThrUYdiaSUBU0j6bOXcQS9Kh7pmrGZQXKqG7nESZO2cvt4yS3LEI951grw1S5Wx0oQDNS-JPHs/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Liquor+Kid+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeNxO0bZcdKj8jED6QvpmPm3VNQ_dt2KhgU5VntT8CczbMbUzsmIPx8-39g-BdokMoPThrUYdiaSUBU0j6bOXcQS9Kh7pmrGZQXKqG7nESZO2cvt4yS3LEI951grw1S5Wx0oQDNS-JPHs/s640/Little+Drunken+Masters+Liquor+Kid+1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Give me liquor!" <br />
How a 7-year-old starts the day right in <i>Little Drunken Masters</i></td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a><br />
There's a sub-genre of Chinese Kung Fu movie called "<b>drunken kung fu</b>". The best example of this is Jackie Chan's 1978 masterpiece <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drunken_Master" target="_blank">The Drunken Master</a></i>, and I've reviewed <i><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/movie-review-taoism-drunkard.html" target="_blank">Taoism Drunkard</a></i> on this site as well.<br />
<br />
There's another sub-genre of Chinese Kung Fu movie called "<b>kid fu</b>." As you might imagine, this is a film in which the protagonist fighters are all children.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpb6dr7LWsjMel1Q_pJtepSr2FFKIiIM3lYkFNcO5W0dkI2zl6meburob6SzR24Cj9S6nj1ZM10CnB4GUdKoHpJKhYnNnwCwd9K-fz99QzUetcoHg89TmCaWP48ztuW1Ft21lqX8EpDew/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Kung+Fu+Girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpb6dr7LWsjMel1Q_pJtepSr2FFKIiIM3lYkFNcO5W0dkI2zl6meburob6SzR24Cj9S6nj1ZM10CnB4GUdKoHpJKhYnNnwCwd9K-fz99QzUetcoHg89TmCaWP48ztuW1Ft21lqX8EpDew/s320/Little+Drunken+Masters+Kung+Fu+Girl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>Truth be told, both of those sub-genres are pretty amusing from the Gweilo's perspective.</b> Drunken kung fu is a fighting style based entirely on teetering, falling down, staggering around, and all the other violent, erratic bursts of motion that you've seen your Uncle Steve do when he's had way to much to drink and is about to pass out. Done well, it's a sublime form of physical comedy. And Kid fu can be great too, because the world of a Hong Kong movie is miles away from the plucky, suburban, saccharine sweetness of a Disney PG film. Kid fu child actors are just as cute as Hollywood kids, probably even cuter because they lack the Hollywood child star's pretentiousness and self-awareness. But they also do their own stunts, and kick some serious ass.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh4PF8DLo7Q4QucNLVpoJgAbXoAemdr_EiBBfW7l_EGZosL6cfzEKEwlsYSIuQxYWZz1u_zoOQ06A917qLqmkLtLOOlosoRQ9iVELS3h2jAWgFFFW6ZG8UjORxYB8OL4b-GD6buaOjSAc/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Kick+ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh4PF8DLo7Q4QucNLVpoJgAbXoAemdr_EiBBfW7l_EGZosL6cfzEKEwlsYSIuQxYWZz1u_zoOQ06A917qLqmkLtLOOlosoRQ9iVELS3h2jAWgFFFW6ZG8UjORxYB8OL4b-GD6buaOjSAc/s320/Little+Drunken+Masters+Kick+ass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The Plot</span><br />
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The premise of <i>The Little Drunken Masters</i> is that the Emperor is sick, and he needs the "Little Buddha" to get better. The Little Buddha is apparently one of the children at a monastery consisting almost entirely of child monks. This makes the children really valuable, so their monastary is attacked and their master killed. The kids spend most of the movie on the run from various mercenaries, evil villains, and also two bumbling "guards" who are trying to capture them.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihfn9V1mTsz9gpGLEDvPws6xAOq37yhZOA3szOZr1CTFfMGEPhyphenhyphen8M82NVNmMzRlQ7-We6BibbOVELH53tYxI6oTIoCuNBTXjnakWBIR6x27D_KKIH39EzQee4Omdl_uOuaP30SbV5Hldk/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+bumbling+cops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihfn9V1mTsz9gpGLEDvPws6xAOq37yhZOA3szOZr1CTFfMGEPhyphenhyphen8M82NVNmMzRlQ7-We6BibbOVELH53tYxI6oTIoCuNBTXjnakWBIR6x27D_KKIH39EzQee4Omdl_uOuaP30SbV5Hldk/s400/Little+Drunken+Masters+bumbling+cops.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Their main comic relief enemies</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Just how this "Little Buddha" child is supposed to cure the Emperor is something of a mystery. One theory is that the Emperor just needs to <i>look</i> at the child to be healed. But all the other theories involve the Emperor <i>eating</i> the child, or cooking it in a wicker basket, or cutting the child open and eating its brain, or eating its "Pearl of Essence" (what?!) Weirdly enough, that makes <i>The Little Drunken Masters</i> yet another <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/search/label/Cannibalism">Hong Kong cannibalism movie</a>. <br />
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I say "weirdly enough" because it's pretty clear that <i>The Little Drunken Masters</i> is<b> intended to be a kids' movie</b>, even though the cannibalism and some of the other stuff is really quite grim. But Hong Kong is far from Hollywood, and director Stanley Sui Wing seemed to have no worries about traumatizing his target audience.<br />
<br />
One of the ways you can tell this is intended to be a kids' movie is the preponderance of <b>second-grade potty humor</b>. The child monks use farts as a weapon, pee on their captors, and invent weird, levitating toilets. You're probably thinking: <i>Hell no. I'm an adult. There's no way I want to waste my time with second-grade potty humor in a kid's movie</i>. But what makes this amusing, <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html">from the Gweilo's perspective</a>, is the fact that most of this potty humor gets mixed up in translation, and what emerges on your screen is just plain WTF weird<span style="font-size: x-small;">.</span><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAIlFHz7YV4BE3Or4VrOE9B9VkoZX5gb_9LR__PYicwk_DnVZdR9YdBjYlMhotsQtUTAscT3LPVEYJrMMDMtOvN1NzGUawki83TZ-KFLQLm3yD0tQZZv5QA4-lhLvGh59c3HH3mPuxxQ/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Bro+what.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAIlFHz7YV4BE3Or4VrOE9B9VkoZX5gb_9LR__PYicwk_DnVZdR9YdBjYlMhotsQtUTAscT3LPVEYJrMMDMtOvN1NzGUawki83TZ-KFLQLm3yD0tQZZv5QA4-lhLvGh59c3HH3mPuxxQ/s400/Little+Drunken+Masters+Bro+what.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Bro, we go there and shit."<br />
Yeah, <i>Bro</i>, I think you're doing it wrong.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>The escaping kids gain a couple of allies:</b> a nice lady who helps them because she's kind, and Sande, a greedy conman puppeteer pick-pocket (yes indeed) who has other motives:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-Y6s_BFR9-kIJbK_8bWfI6W5gfOqlLwnM0HjFINCMxzwW2-CS_6PHB2Or-gK2dA6oVj0lCWdVFjjKIlDWMXl5lPb611b0zYUB0uY1bbVZXM1PVqeHlJBADA_KqRFUtz67aR93bEQ9Xw/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Not+Modest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-Y6s_BFR9-kIJbK_8bWfI6W5gfOqlLwnM0HjFINCMxzwW2-CS_6PHB2Or-gK2dA6oVj0lCWdVFjjKIlDWMXl5lPb611b0zYUB0uY1bbVZXM1PVqeHlJBADA_KqRFUtz67aR93bEQ9Xw/s400/Little+Drunken+Masters+Not+Modest.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm handsome, polite, and lovely Sande." <br />
He's certainly not "modest Sande" though, is he?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Their main non-comic-relief enemy is an evil villain named King Fifth, who thinks nothing of picking up four of our tike-sized heroes in each hand and flinging them across the room. He also has real anger management issues. For instance, when he hears the kids might be hiding out in a Shaolin Temple, he busts out with some spontaneous, furious kung fu leaf raking for no reason at all.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">If you do <b>Angry Kung Fu Leaf Raking</b>, you just might have an anger management problem!
</span></div>
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> Not great, but definitely worth seeing anyway, if only to experience how much weirder a Chinese kid's movie is than an American one.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcJG4P3BbmAlrrIdLHrqe9Q9JzpXua-NuQW_l3KeUFiFWrhBDms5UypQHLgC2UNA_Bwg2WlsIKonl83037notbE5TM7_tvzd_FJc9t7UetfNrfrLqh-u1I3-Dm8PLRuh1dUjIrvaEPwZ4/s1600/Little+Drunken+Masters+Liquor+Kid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcJG4P3BbmAlrrIdLHrqe9Q9JzpXua-NuQW_l3KeUFiFWrhBDms5UypQHLgC2UNA_Bwg2WlsIKonl83037notbE5TM7_tvzd_FJc9t7UetfNrfrLqh-u1I3-Dm8PLRuh1dUjIrvaEPwZ4/s640/Little+Drunken+Masters+Liquor+Kid.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-9851331346688192802011-11-09T13:58:00.000-08:002017-09-02T14:39:12.630-07:00Movie Review: Ghost for Sales<table border="1" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="3" style="background-color: black; color: white; text-align: center;">
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<td>As I was preparing to post my review of Chinese movie <i>Ghost for Sales</i> today, I learned that the star of this movie, Ricky Hui, died this morning. This is sad, of course. Ricky Hui starred in dozens of golden era Hong Kong movies, and his distinctive looks, his understated comedic acting style, and his deft martial artistry were a reliable staple of so many weird and goofy movies. That he died on the day I posted my first review of him seems like the kind of coincidence that would only happen in the world of a Hong Kong movie. RIP, Ricky Hui. Such as it is, this movie review is for you.</td>
<td><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJrz47ADbRa-C_4W7B9Gnnba2NmY-xXIdehb_tHl-usdV3tFwOtAEZ-fPt8kb_xvfc_rMAQl68Dk29M3fZJifQFShys64qPtdgfmWyjsrlPRWaf7W4CPSy12HDW_hROLIHoVY6triaIbQ/s320/Ricky+Hui.jpg" width="192" />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Ghost for Sales</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
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<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.2 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.6 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2 out of 5</b></td>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Ghost for Sales</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtixROMgxuwWHQuvSpYBQq1tcbrpUoubTtPlL1-ONZefi56-1F6Q04hAa5mbECf3h8H5aZo84PtcguHB_16kjC1ozl4CbhKzgllCVmMXRaUbysP7jMQEvX-YEe8wvBEG1vHuiNRV5JxFo/s1600/Ghost+for+Sales+cover+scan+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtixROMgxuwWHQuvSpYBQq1tcbrpUoubTtPlL1-ONZefi56-1F6Q04hAa5mbECf3h8H5aZo84PtcguHB_16kjC1ozl4CbhKzgllCVmMXRaUbysP7jMQEvX-YEe8wvBEG1vHuiNRV5JxFo/s200/Ghost+for+Sales+cover+scan+small.jpg" width="177" /></a></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Guy Lai</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Ricky Hui, Sheila Chan, Wilson Lam, Shing Fui-On, Maggie Sui, </td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1991</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD Wide Sight WCVCD1160 <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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You might think that a movie titled <i>Ghost for Sales</i> would have a ghost that was for sale. Or perhaps a salesman of ghosts, trying to ply his trade. Or perhaps a ghostly sales clerk, or a ghostly job seeker, looking for some employment in sales. But this is a Hong Kong produced Chinese movie, not a Hollywood film. So of course this movie is none of those things. Instead, <i>Ghost for Sales</i> is a delightfully mixed up, <i>Three-Stooges</i>-style knock off of <i>Ghost Busters</i>.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Ricky Hui, along with his friend and his uncle, make up the bumbling ghost-busting trio of this film. Ricky uses the typical Taoist priest strategies of fighting ghosts, using mirrors and magical post-it notes and hexagrams and wooden swords, etc. His inventor friend prefers a more <i>scientific </i>method of busting ghosts. Apparently his scientific research involved watching <i>Ghost Busters</i> a few times:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsECrT24cFp8__GM90z_CnypDmfgTPW1bNncatc_fQMsLfJAgko3LEMOYsYQSjetmApN791l4QWWYQOfzT3IMNJYucx4N6snwjDAsrJ2PB3J-3qb6i1Bslbtum4xIo-RB96vfiTclqNE8/s1600/GFS+who+you+gonna+call+ghost+busters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsECrT24cFp8__GM90z_CnypDmfgTPW1bNncatc_fQMsLfJAgko3LEMOYsYQSjetmApN791l4QWWYQOfzT3IMNJYucx4N6snwjDAsrJ2PB3J-3qb6i1Bslbtum4xIo-RB96vfiTclqNE8/s400/GFS+who+you+gonna+call+ghost+busters.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who you gonna call?</td></tr>
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<br />
Just try to tell me this isn't a <i>Ghost Busters</i> rip-off.<br />
<br />
<br />
But, just like <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/movie-review-spooky-family.html" target="_blank"><i>Spooky Family</i> immediately abandoned its initial purpose of ripping off the <i>Addams Family</i></a>, <i>Ghost for Sales</i> quickly veers off into a goofy, all-over-the-map Hong Kong movie. The result is part low-budget <i>Ghost Busters</i> parody, part wirework flying kung fu historical piece, part "sleazy corporate world versus honest fellow" feel-good movie, part Three Stooges buddy movie, part relationship movie, ... and the list goes on.<br />
<br /><br />
<b>The plot of <i>Ghost for Sales</i></b> is just plain weird. There's an amusement park, which is run by an evil, corporate, plutocratic amusement park baron:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9t4uyIOXCBHDhuMExXMePBhfY0tGTFq7miCEtfSMf8AZFK0mxuw4liK-nR-6ohc9FNhKga2FYRxxE4Jxxe0nEu-yma1K_jsKOlvrH61Q6T0R6DsD49-chzxg2kcWYI9x9_2o45xbwSGE/s1600/roller+coaster+tycoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9t4uyIOXCBHDhuMExXMePBhfY0tGTFq7miCEtfSMf8AZFK0mxuw4liK-nR-6ohc9FNhKga2FYRxxE4Jxxe0nEu-yma1K_jsKOlvrH61Q6T0R6DsD49-chzxg2kcWYI9x9_2o45xbwSGE/s320/roller+coaster+tycoon.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Evil Corporate Amusement Park Baron</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJNLr28lLLxcpALK66DPfzu36B5o9oa83Jsb064X2140NArVMAH2AQDmcfFIV5AxdAszX6Zu-fYfW1ANugO0GJaNFH5g2GbPwN9IhJAXMCz3kgcyVSRN2_WEq1hJOt0-kRzuusV4QLY5Y/s1600/GFSRollerCoasterTycoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJNLr28lLLxcpALK66DPfzu36B5o9oa83Jsb064X2140NArVMAH2AQDmcfFIV5AxdAszX6Zu-fYfW1ANugO0GJaNFH5g2GbPwN9IhJAXMCz3kgcyVSRN2_WEq1hJOt0-kRzuusV4QLY5Y/s200/GFSRollerCoasterTycoon.jpg" width="166" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He played too much of this as a kid.</td></tr>
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His theme park is doing fine ("fine" here means "not haunted"). But for some reason he decides he needs to install two dangerously haunted thousand-year-old corpses on the grounds of the park. You can probably guess where this is heading.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile Ricky Hui and the rest of the <i>Ghost for Sales</i> crew have been goofing around exterminating ghosts and pulling nonsensical pranks in a haunted brothel. Somehow they wander onto the amusement park grounds with special "ghost wave finding" hand held GPS machines. These machines are used to measure <b><i>exactly the place you should</i> </b><b><i>never ever</i> <i>put haunted corpses</i></b><i>.</i> And, yes, it turns out that the location the Roller Coaster Tycoon has in mind for his corpses is <i>coincidentally</i> the very worst place to put corpses in all of Hong Kong.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho88KRIGJfebPi8aKMTnD8zzyuoCFRr_hcvqxtaKWarLNiL2JWAVvuD99uPt-UpXElbreYcoTgC9mCnr1hGnVBFWp68wiALfaRd9CrHOlAOeo6xvGC0bAN6Uv3m6ExenGugUkhsSMTl9s/s1600/GFS+Weird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho88KRIGJfebPi8aKMTnD8zzyuoCFRr_hcvqxtaKWarLNiL2JWAVvuD99uPt-UpXElbreYcoTgC9mCnr1hGnVBFWp68wiALfaRd9CrHOlAOeo6xvGC0bAN6Uv3m6ExenGugUkhsSMTl9s/s320/GFS+Weird.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, I'd look worried too</td></tr>
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There are a ton of continuity problems in this movie that really only make it more fun to watch from the Gweilo's perspective. There's an old window washer who gets fired by the Roller Coaster Tycoon, then turns into a ghost, and <i>then </i>dies. (Yes, in that order.) There's scenes of trucks and police cars driving around that are entirely unconnected to the plot at all.<br />
<br />
<b>And then there are the translation errors. </b>I have to assume they are translation errors. Like the title of the movie itself: "Ghost for Sales" can hardly be accurate, can it? Numerous times characters will say something that makes no sense and leads to nothing, so I can only assume it's a translation error. Like when this magical angel tells the Ghost for Sales crew to "go & find a junkie":<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5dVJieQ959JLXAxSqtHpwIHwlgfrRFeKWZZwRvtrHcAg2W60JohJwULDHj7GDjZdP4KcIZvufHK7cTC95veEf6Bo0IpZoZUceDIRR0TlTlZlghCO4Vi7dBpPy1GLFPTFVNNXO3Uh4sM4/s1600/Ghost+for+Sales+Go+and+find+a+Junkie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5dVJieQ959JLXAxSqtHpwIHwlgfrRFeKWZZwRvtrHcAg2W60JohJwULDHj7GDjZdP4KcIZvufHK7cTC95veEf6Bo0IpZoZUceDIRR0TlTlZlghCO4Vi7dBpPy1GLFPTFVNNXO3Uh4sM4/s400/Ghost+for+Sales+Go+and+find+a+Junkie.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You mean like William Burroughs?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They don't. <br />
<br />
<b>Then there are times when the subtitle guy seems to be actively rebelling, and mistranslating things on purpose!</b> Like the conversation that is perfectly normal for a while, but then suddenly everything that is said is simply translated as "Fart":<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVVuomQ3wSG3S9vvgklBAZxbSsz3TmR8IBrnz4ixiE5sKYdE7y9n8ZsOKe_AeOahKGLJenoTpNc4fm-CUZwyn_xTHQC8VfzV6QWPnsFzMsJ4OSBg3OYWlRYbr_EbeqUTxifk7E1TLXkR4/s1600/GFS+fart1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVVuomQ3wSG3S9vvgklBAZxbSsz3TmR8IBrnz4ixiE5sKYdE7y9n8ZsOKe_AeOahKGLJenoTpNc4fm-CUZwyn_xTHQC8VfzV6QWPnsFzMsJ4OSBg3OYWlRYbr_EbeqUTxifk7E1TLXkR4/s400/GFS+fart1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We're farting here.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeMzmrzjRDNLKlhWDXr231NPhijHqJTgvcEGuIA9aMT2XwfSnCqHZkjPmt_Xk15evvwYIT0TzDup9Ds06sRbk_wdRu6-Ljc5ziBFbD77cDzxHeAmV2AFd6HKsvtPMvwOcJgyKDFEWvE3I/s1600/GFS+fart3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeMzmrzjRDNLKlhWDXr231NPhijHqJTgvcEGuIA9aMT2XwfSnCqHZkjPmt_Xk15evvwYIT0TzDup9Ds06sRbk_wdRu6-Ljc5ziBFbD77cDzxHeAmV2AFd6HKsvtPMvwOcJgyKDFEWvE3I/s400/GFS+fart3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fart? Fart.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hBkUJwKXk-_dhSiDd4KdWMvMZ2d9kPF8kSzD9KbcijangOs_2AoWflvDweIcAQ1d4DrqW4mwc6Ab5L1zATi0e_Xo2GeoItEgv2X10zAQV7QqpT4sXJncPbgnaj8SdTXQHmfIBaS-rPc/s1600/GFS+fart2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6hBkUJwKXk-_dhSiDd4KdWMvMZ2d9kPF8kSzD9KbcijangOs_2AoWflvDweIcAQ1d4DrqW4mwc6Ab5L1zATi0e_Xo2GeoItEgv2X10zAQV7QqpT4sXJncPbgnaj8SdTXQHmfIBaS-rPc/s400/GFS+fart2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fart!</td></tr>
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<b>Really?</b> <i><b>Really?</b></i> This juvenile, unsung act of rebellion on the part of this movie's lowly, underpaid subtitle translator makes <i>Ghost for Sales</i> golden by any standards! If I ever meet the disgruntled employee who translated the conversation this way, I will happily buy that man a beer. This guy is my new hero.<br />
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And then there are the fight scenes, which are well executed but full of WTF moments.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I like how this monk tries "Abracadabra!" as a magic spell to banish this ghost. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">And I like how it doesn't work.</span></div>
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And I like how they play around mixing Taoist ghost busting techniques from Hong Kong movies with the weird mechanical inventions of <i>Ghost Busters</i>.<br />
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<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> <i>Ghost for Sales</i> is a real delight from the Gweilo's perspective. Recommended!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-28926951455653670962011-11-03T14:42:00.000-07:002017-09-02T14:40:13.545-07:00Movie Review: The Red PantherThe best thing about watching (and reviewing!) obscure Chinese movies from the Gweilo's perspective is that you are carried into a cinematic world that is entirely different from anything you've ever seen before. <i>The Red Panther</i>, an obscure 1983 Hong Kong film from director Kong Lung, definitely fits this bill.
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>The Red Panther</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
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<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.7 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.3 out of 5</b></td>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.7 out of 5</b></td>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">The Red Panther</td>
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<img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsgqQ9LYEecHv8wHkqLnY6aZMsg3ENa4KJcrG8cUJj5saC-pKgmYe2gge2-kqC5ktJMw92nrkj-ev4kB9EK-L3np7egWcbP54kiWiMWcSnh5BgA4-MLPxIP5N9tQyIntfIlQs728MrR_Y/s200/theredpanthercoverscansmall.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" width="200" /></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Kong Lung</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">James Yi, Margaret Lee, John Chang, Lawrence Cheng</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1983</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Megastar VCD MS/VCD/234/HK <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
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From the opening scene of this Chinese movie, where characters eat bananas, inexplicably blow up inflatable pool toys, and seek “toilet pepper” while enjoying an “opera” performance that looks like it's taking place in a bus station, it is obvious that this film was not made with any kind of international or Western audience in mind. Let's start with the film's genre:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A Typical Night at the Opera in <i>The Red Panther</i></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgilhxLzYgYCce1sasHGIfyuhCKqfcPJmuvEMeXUMPRttB9a80jS_wVVdK5k7JVevqyf8Z3i6b4B3MwYXDPG_z6UGbB90FxL7i4dI5vYA4dVRsYx0pk69oIUBQS6KYJzJS67ge-BlzHRBI/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgilhxLzYgYCce1sasHGIfyuhCKqfcPJmuvEMeXUMPRttB9a80jS_wVVdK5k7JVevqyf8Z3i6b4B3MwYXDPG_z6UGbB90FxL7i4dI5vYA4dVRsYx0pk69oIUBQS6KYJzJS67ge-BlzHRBI/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_2.png" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEger0OVUNxtiBxzg06hf7IRfbIjC16EixzQr1F5K8SK6qnGODovU3NRtU1t4ikLGw8UQz_fK9pV482Zif3-IocxBnmQLMk0knLZZdyN7_pn1hkNAJQ1TlFvu4X83RpqfXDlvYzBfGzQGfs/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEger0OVUNxtiBxzg06hf7IRfbIjC16EixzQr1F5K8SK6qnGODovU3NRtU1t4ikLGw8UQz_fK9pV482Zif3-IocxBnmQLMk0knLZZdyN7_pn1hkNAJQ1TlFvu4X83RpqfXDlvYzBfGzQGfs/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_1.png" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVhyphenhyphen-TWCSaTDq5DsTL7yi3Q1xRGLyCESoD1xY5QN-k_eQkSxe8R7ceDXwSoSkvHrurCw6mBkdgIljO7WpCDLn8k3E9i3dpAv2jT9xoh4ixq9Q0wGHnbXY4KeDgjPLILqOAvW1XimEt46Y/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVhyphenhyphen-TWCSaTDq5DsTL7yi3Q1xRGLyCESoD1xY5QN-k_eQkSxe8R7ceDXwSoSkvHrurCw6mBkdgIljO7WpCDLn8k3E9i3dpAv2jT9xoh4ixq9Q0wGHnbXY4KeDgjPLILqOAvW1XimEt46Y/s1600/the_red_panther_opera_night_3.png" /></a></div>
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<i>The Red Panther's</i> film genre is ostensibly a <b>police procedural</b>, a <b>suspense thriller</b> kind of like CSI. There's a bunch if grisly murders, and a police guy who needs to solve the crime. I'll call him “police guy” because he's really, really hard to take seriously as a police detective. He's essentially a scruffy looking bum, with a corny early-80s mustache. He looks a lot like Cheech (of "Cheech and Chong" fame). Or like Tony Orlando (of the musical catastrophe "Tony Orlando and Dawn"). Or like a dirty, homeless version of Mario:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ubi-FXXEeL9G0d6iwK5BM7GhdTW3OgqCmMslGsgK_vxeVVAsigv8Yopsbq84mNGByyWC-rTIOZ5V7vbkK4fjlhQPoukBLFlJn-i97FShtX4F3ZVU6I7VSElQQbIMXk6kIFXKbXE2eF8/s1600/Red+Panther+Police+Guy+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ubi-FXXEeL9G0d6iwK5BM7GhdTW3OgqCmMslGsgK_vxeVVAsigv8Yopsbq84mNGByyWC-rTIOZ5V7vbkK4fjlhQPoukBLFlJn-i97FShtX4F3ZVU6I7VSElQQbIMXk6kIFXKbXE2eF8/s1600/Red+Panther+Police+Guy+small.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Red Panther's Police Guy</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQYMlhKwWi2W9YwFLGAHfMq7npuU0PZNmjMvs2EoR35URyvat2AFJvEg2IuYzG-29ev6YpqcnHn11XcKCxiAjRwrH4DVjjPB_O6WxxgZeSscDDMjqilfj54IKBWS-A096Lc3YHoVfLs_Y/s1600/RedPanthercheech-marin-up-in-smoke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQYMlhKwWi2W9YwFLGAHfMq7npuU0PZNmjMvs2EoR35URyvat2AFJvEg2IuYzG-29ev6YpqcnHn11XcKCxiAjRwrH4DVjjPB_O6WxxgZeSscDDMjqilfj54IKBWS-A096Lc3YHoVfLs_Y/s1600/RedPanthercheech-marin-up-in-smoke.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cheech</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3o-N2q-EykPbJrBG87-TIPWtdjR2o5uHerLpYQTSO3EdS7gczGObWE6TZfcwQRnEDqBaG5dNM1coKEME3VYgHAC4ICGy3m4JPqzn53HA43XfWRAKzPvmIBwXNbVvC_9iEgIwcD7CJ1ws/s1600/RedPanthertony-orlando.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3o-N2q-EykPbJrBG87-TIPWtdjR2o5uHerLpYQTSO3EdS7gczGObWE6TZfcwQRnEDqBaG5dNM1coKEME3VYgHAC4ICGy3m4JPqzn53HA43XfWRAKzPvmIBwXNbVvC_9iEgIwcD7CJ1ws/s1600/RedPanthertony-orlando.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tony Orlando</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinVNmVMtEzxWzpxDMtbFZJJoXy6awLPw1LspQUcUkA7fBR1nfsrL7cqqCQ5NPnONMA_FpfPMKBw7yTrPRbDPPW6WpiyCqtdv4R_Qy1AvgPRtwlb7Wa8k6dMnKUPCxzqn-MMOF7aAvMue4/s1600/RedPanthermario.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinVNmVMtEzxWzpxDMtbFZJJoXy6awLPw1LspQUcUkA7fBR1nfsrL7cqqCQ5NPnONMA_FpfPMKBw7yTrPRbDPPW6WpiyCqtdv4R_Qy1AvgPRtwlb7Wa8k6dMnKUPCxzqn-MMOF7aAvMue4/s1600/RedPanthermario.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mario</td></tr>
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Is <i>The Red Panther</i>'s hero, the police guy, up for the role of serious crime solving? Just look at him. Of course he isn't! He spends the whole film bumbling around complaining about his hemorrhoids (which the doctor tells him are extra bad and probably fatal), and trying to get it on with a nurse. Apparently, in this film, hemorrhoids can be used as a seduction technique? (Yeah, sorry about that, but it only gets worse. I'm warning you now.) He doesn't ever really try to solve the crimes, even when his sexy police supervisor throws a tantrum and cries, threatening to keep crying until they are solved.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnNvjbUVU3RmfMnkT4b9lwENX7mP5nFtxdWHG7_PGbCtZ_4E9KTyDDe6dQq8FA5YpfgjWugcbrkk88RiW21wad1fmiyoNvnfqoujObpsonB61Ss28ixiygRMdSO16Gk7w1cuRoppfP8s/s1600/the-red-panther-crying-1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxnNvjbUVU3RmfMnkT4b9lwENX7mP5nFtxdWHG7_PGbCtZ_4E9KTyDDe6dQq8FA5YpfgjWugcbrkk88RiW21wad1fmiyoNvnfqoujObpsonB61Ss28ixiygRMdSO16Gk7w1cuRoppfP8s/s320/the-red-panther-crying-1.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeNZG6UT-LBR7-YqEBs5KrK3bmvFXy6X7AqSsHUgHGjxbltBbPqIc1bKqbhlepaGROrpeCKufJ5MAODMaFfxCqyyE0bz03YO1Le9v7kGx13ZqOl1Xkbe21EPBVaKdCGmuMtfmE5MtFZI/s1600/the-red-panther-crying-2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYeNZG6UT-LBR7-YqEBs5KrK3bmvFXy6X7AqSsHUgHGjxbltBbPqIc1bKqbhlepaGROrpeCKufJ5MAODMaFfxCqyyE0bz03YO1Le9v7kGx13ZqOl1Xkbe21EPBVaKdCGmuMtfmE5MtFZI/s320/the-red-panther-crying-2.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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So <i>The Red Panther</i> is not really a suspense film or a police procedural, but rather, maybe, … <b>a comedy?</b> I'm not really sure. I can see how parts of this movie, if acted out properly and in a humorous way, might qualify for a kind of low-brow “comedy.” You know, the kind of movie with a lot of toilet humor. Jokes like “Is this blood-filled toilet the result of badly flushed murder evidence, or is it just an exploded giant hemorrhoid?” Except a “joke” like that would <i>never ever be funny</i>. Do you see my problem here? <br />
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It's even more confusing because<i> The Red Panther</i> has all the trappings of a straight up <b>horror film</b>. Murder victims are disemboweled and gruesomely cut apart (by a surgeon serial killer!) and there's plenty of low-budget gore. It also reenacts famous horror movie scenes, like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psycho_%28film%29#Shower_scene" target="_blank">the iconic shower scene from <i>Psycho</i></a>. Except in this version of the <i>Psycho</i> shower scene, it's Norman's actual mother with the knife attacking the young woman through the shower curtain. And in this version there is no stabbing or death. Instead, Norman's mother and the Janet Leigh character drop the knife and start insulting each other while the Norman character (here played by the police guy) bumbles around helplessly (like he's done the whole movie so far). <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjigvW1rckTCcarnFo4752hj5P6vsBulwMiTChqtbpiVGExbf0LGN3JUr2km0Go92XfY7cX3jrBjA84mDWsWj1ZDsiafThFjJ-3s1jbRVrPYl3w_aW9V182MiNzyp4e2ZY-DvlGHasuzug/s1600/the_red_panther_psycho_1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjigvW1rckTCcarnFo4752hj5P6vsBulwMiTChqtbpiVGExbf0LGN3JUr2km0Go92XfY7cX3jrBjA84mDWsWj1ZDsiafThFjJ-3s1jbRVrPYl3w_aW9V182MiNzyp4e2ZY-DvlGHasuzug/s320/the_red_panther_psycho_1.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why does "Help" end with a question mark in Chinese?<br />
Maybe she's just as confused about genre as we are!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Police Guy grapples with Norman Bates' key psychological issue.</td></tr>
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So. Horror? Honestly, I've got no idea. Like <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/movie-review-were-going-to-eat-you.html" target="_blank">a lot of Hong Kong cinema</a> of this time period, there is cannibalism, and that's usually a sign of horror. But it's a kind of <b>slapstick cannibalism</b> here. A bunch of human organs are stolen from a morgue, and when police guy shows up to investigate he gets hungry. He buys some mysterious organ meat from a creepy looking food vendor, with predictable results. <i>Mmm, this is delicious mysterious organ meat</i>, he thinks. <i>If only I could solve the mystery of the missing human organs!</i> If this was a Troma film, a scene like that would be played for laughs. But in this movie, I honestly think it's supposed to be chilling<b>.</b><br />
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But, when you get right down to it, this kind of ambiguity and weirdness is exactly why I love these movies so much. Yes, it's a bad film. But it's bad in a way that you've probably never seen before, and will never see again. From the Gweilo's perspective, therefore, <i>The Red Panther</i> is recommended.<br />
<br />
I'll leave you with one last, mind-bending scene. The police guy is interviewing a taxi driver about the murders, just like you would see in a normal police procedural movie. He's doing this in the taxi. But then...<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> Whatever was director Kong Lung thinking?Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-853727096649689952011-10-31T01:20:00.000-07:002017-09-04T12:28:38.255-07:00Movie Review: Taoism Drunkard<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPuPpqFTOR7ohcwXJNhfIawRHUodnnYcKZLfgVjBMjwgyaPUjmjFVfVzT1LHQMOubQbI1dDspC7c2N1gD-IvZFeCtR9Q6KiJJMfLtKmoE-UJNHXe6sb4LXvRuk1NRRXpAw9PB5x-AAnL0/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Dilema.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"The grandmother really knows how to calculate. Therefore, I have to be roasted." <br />
I think it's safe to say: This is not a dilemma <i>anybody</i> has ever faced <i>at any time</i>. <br />
Except in this movie!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Wow! Just wow! I don't even know how to start this Chinese movie review, except to say this is quite possibly the weirdest, strangest, most utterly bizarre film I have ever seen.<br />
<br />
<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Taoism Drunkard</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>5 of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>5 of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3 of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Taoism Drunkard</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho0hfTf7EV1BewKvUsz2jf_dL7dyV8iS6zwLdSeFJm750Cet6XCNUjk0MhiyKUGe_-1OJCXmW-aGwg1ofCgFsixVnufj2U4QIbdIlbFYGQtPSrKDygeLr30jBiGIYG_GFw4-m7YrAeHbg/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Cover+Scan+2+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho0hfTf7EV1BewKvUsz2jf_dL7dyV8iS6zwLdSeFJm750Cet6XCNUjk0MhiyKUGe_-1OJCXmW-aGwg1ofCgFsixVnufj2U4QIbdIlbFYGQtPSrKDygeLr30jBiGIYG_GFw4-m7YrAeHbg/s200/Taoism+Drunkard+Cover+Scan+2+small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Yuen Chung Yan</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Yuen Chung Yan, Yuen Yat Choh, Yuen Shun Yi</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1984</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Fortune Star JS/VCD/3104/HK) <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<br />
It would be easy to jest (<i>hur, hur, hur!</i>) that director Yuen Chung Yan, and everyone else in the cast and crew, must have been as drunk as the film's hero when <i>Taoism Drunkard</i> was created. But I don't believe they were.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>This film is <i>way</i> too inventive, and the creative weirdness
reaches such genius levels of WTF-ery that it's much more likely
everyone knew <i>exactly</i> what they were doing.<br />
<br />
When I first got this movie, my copy had no English subtitles (Media Asia VCD MS/VCD/323/HK). This <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html#subtitles" target="_blank">happens occasionally</a> with Hong Kong VCDs. I watched it anyway, and the lack of subtitles didn't seem to matter at all. I bought the Fortune Star version of the film with subtitles included, just to be sure. I was right. The subtitles made no difference.<br />
<br />
Here's why. There is an old lady, who's kung fu style involves smoking a giant pipe as a weapon. There's a scene where an evil boss attacks a monastery with tiny helicopters which explode, turning their victim's heads into pig heads for no apparent reason. There are subtitles in both of these scenes. Do they help the scenes make sense <i>at all</i>? No they don't.<br />
<br />
You see, sometimes it's possible to watch a film without subtitles because the movie is clear and linear, and it's easy to follow the plot without them. But sometimes a movie makes <i>absolutely no sense at all</i>, so that even with prefect translations it's impossible to follow. <i>Taoism Drunkard</i> is that second kind of movie.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I don't think there is a plot. There's the main drunk guy, who drives around (drunkenly) in a wicker pig head that can do kung fu:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpDXDQ-YFx3yc4eKdSNp0N2CmzUo_QoY8WGnofn4xRpbSWePb5bxT4bgXcYtr_k5AARVfX-xMDjYK8W0BifRatwR5H5QZjZEdUWyyjbp46olLihp-izcwnF4NdQMFWuoVzNdDgnola6EE/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Wicker+Pig+Head.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpDXDQ-YFx3yc4eKdSNp0N2CmzUo_QoY8WGnofn4xRpbSWePb5bxT4bgXcYtr_k5AARVfX-xMDjYK8W0BifRatwR5H5QZjZEdUWyyjbp46olLihp-izcwnF4NdQMFWuoVzNdDgnola6EE/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Wicker+Pig+Head.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a vehicle in the world of this film!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, his plot line is just basically getting enough to drink:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWIvnHpZ6S-AtKO0bmTfEXA0AHkTWq9hqeUxyduWAXi03ZUCgy4feV-m2AbD9zJ3b1p1GqqMaeekJtb_hL0z2UTw2I2e2CBM9yumIbm0aF9QhEYK3dtao45popYpoeKkYdOKwLenjsXhQ/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+No+Money+No+Wine.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWIvnHpZ6S-AtKO0bmTfEXA0AHkTWq9hqeUxyduWAXi03ZUCgy4feV-m2AbD9zJ3b1p1GqqMaeekJtb_hL0z2UTw2I2e2CBM9yumIbm0aF9QhEYK3dtao45popYpoeKkYdOKwLenjsXhQ/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+No+Money+No+Wine.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"There is no money and no wine." OK, character motivation is clear.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He also likes to fight. Often as a means of obtaining wine. This is his fighting motto:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ7xnjSGH0WGItZ-g2ycX9_32WAsh3Z7yVlGiXlnw6AjdP4PxMYQkVjcJ6-SXIG6zj_6qxbTw-23N2Q_Ni2jV-cdyXB2g1mzrb3yfh3cGrrBW2BKwbAm0ZjAtBxrbaehBQzR1ClOcpW0Y/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Drunk+Guy+Fight+Motto.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ7xnjSGH0WGItZ-g2ycX9_32WAsh3Z7yVlGiXlnw6AjdP4PxMYQkVjcJ6-SXIG6zj_6qxbTw-23N2Q_Ni2jV-cdyXB2g1mzrb3yfh3cGrrBW2BKwbAm0ZjAtBxrbaehBQzR1ClOcpW0Y/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Drunk+Guy+Fight+Motto.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You must lose this time, and I enjoy the wine."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He drunk drives his wicker pig head around a Taoist temple and accidentally breaks a statue. Which means--<b>somehow</b>--that <i>the temple now needs to find a virgin boy born on a certain day.</i> Yes, apparently this is <b>totally logical</b> in the world of this film. Here's the head priest explaining:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH_z_m_uHJYdbOYD-7xwvV47xcw3E35Dxz1hNkn0Xis9mbPvuXCj8rTY3xPULGZ1Ub7cL_fnB5MqXlsTt_7yiAVysa_rZPnLKNfFOctKwtk5a2CuFun2cX3HjET4BRxQlmmJ9KfkAhuDI/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Cherry+Boys+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH_z_m_uHJYdbOYD-7xwvV47xcw3E35Dxz1hNkn0Xis9mbPvuXCj8rTY3xPULGZ1Ub7cL_fnB5MqXlsTt_7yiAVysa_rZPnLKNfFOctKwtk5a2CuFun2cX3HjET4BRxQlmmJ9KfkAhuDI/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Cherry+Boys+1.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"And to find cherry boys who are born in the year of 'Sun Mou', the 15th of August."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Really? "Cherry boys"? Are you sure Mr. priest?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7KhUpNkij5eaJ9KUTO9PfDb7OsvcFieBu0eeH0Z915Un0CidtUs00R2_mMz1AmlJCdMdJqMVOAK2nTY7_fIfUShhyphenhyphen1KlyIaDx0PnNm5eksak5znH1QTPzq40zNa3tWNwOMelv9KXIYU0/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Cherry+Boys+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7KhUpNkij5eaJ9KUTO9PfDb7OsvcFieBu0eeH0Z915Un0CidtUs00R2_mMz1AmlJCdMdJqMVOAK2nTY7_fIfUShhyphenhyphen1KlyIaDx0PnNm5eksak5znH1QTPzq40zNa3tWNwOMelv9KXIYU0/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Cherry+Boys+2.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Remember, I want cherry boys."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i>Ech!</i> Good thing Yuen Chung Yan drops this whole "plot" thing almost immediately, and spends the rest of the movie jumping from one hilarious, surreal fight scene to another.<br />
<br />
<b>A typical fight scene</b> involves <i>characters we've never seen before</i>, fighting with <i>weapons that make absolutely no sense</i>. More often than not, these odd weapons <i>hinder</i> the person wielding them rather than help:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijjI8-4ZeK2d73N-YW-HPIqFks4IeYaM7xGYIBiulC2Dh5DKm9kzc7nBslvRyeKi057kyBq_MFhYD3XnDPoSAvAp78WL6Q70oAJuh4pQBhFPwxKQ-OI4zZaxzkWSyF4CSRSI15VoCAWdQ/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Old+Lady+Sword.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijjI8-4ZeK2d73N-YW-HPIqFks4IeYaM7xGYIBiulC2Dh5DKm9kzc7nBslvRyeKi057kyBq_MFhYD3XnDPoSAvAp78WL6Q70oAJuh4pQBhFPwxKQ-OI4zZaxzkWSyF4CSRSI15VoCAWdQ/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Old+Lady+Sword.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This old lady's sword turns out to be way too... <i>unwieldy</i>... to be practical.<br />
Who would have ever guessed?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Consider this random fight: One of the guys has a kung fu style based on <b><i>extra sharp knees and elbows</i></b> and <b><i>porcupine quills stuck to his back</i>.</b> His opponent fights with a weapon that appears to be <b><i>a cross between a boomerang and a bowling ball</i></b>, which can launch miniature versions of itself.<br />
<br />
The only thing that stays constant is the utter randomness, and the playful freedom of the director. In one of my favorite scenes, a guy wakes up to a fresh dawn. A rooster crows while he smiles and stretches. He goes to the door to greet the new day. But wait! What's that black spot in the sky? No, it's an <i>evil kung fu villain</i> of course! He's randomly flying through the sky <b>at this precise moment</b> (how did he know exactly when the guy would wake up?) and now suddenly attacking him <i>for no reason at all </i>and <i>breaking all his furniture</i>. W. T. F!<br />
<br />
From <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilo.html#perspective">the Gweilo's perspective</a>, this kind of crazy, swaggering, carefree movie making is amazingly refreshing compared to Hollywood's timid formulas. Who the hell makes movies this way? Who the hell would even dare? Yuen Chung Yan, that's who!<br />
<br />
But wait! There's so, so much more. There's the <b>angry fat lady</b> who (for no apparent reason) is dressed like a bee: <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD-kF7V2VkNdcqqTs9mn0oIFfQ6RrJIq42DgfnGEpyWE3p1Gphrt64YeWm8mJ3RkNQNgwU_zYTnXDyJvhGWw_mcg3eSF4lpq_KyKLPdyrBG0eMYwDpQ2gSML42e4ShHYAhyphenhyphenQ6k4rLO_RM/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+Angry.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD-kF7V2VkNdcqqTs9mn0oIFfQ6RrJIq42DgfnGEpyWE3p1Gphrt64YeWm8mJ3RkNQNgwU_zYTnXDyJvhGWw_mcg3eSF4lpq_KyKLPdyrBG0eMYwDpQ2gSML42e4ShHYAhyphenhyphenQ6k4rLO_RM/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+Angry.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll dress like a bee if I want!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Being both large and unwieldy, she is of course immediately wielded as a weapon:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGn6WXDMCLPE_2HNJpPDCVO4xy-5_RvFXS_XLlO6Eo8YDnpExKnAS_MedAJgxG7ohnxMddLS0cv-FFiCvwxEOltrmInmk6mNAStEc5V9XJ5y1gb84mqp5d5gl4CewxmraIFAW7CNiUqDI/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+As+Weapon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGn6WXDMCLPE_2HNJpPDCVO4xy-5_RvFXS_XLlO6Eo8YDnpExKnAS_MedAJgxG7ohnxMddLS0cv-FFiCvwxEOltrmInmk6mNAStEc5V9XJ5y1gb84mqp5d5gl4CewxmraIFAW7CNiUqDI/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+As+Weapon.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bam! Pow!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Not content to be someone else's weapon, she develops a kung-fu style of her own, which involves violently sitting on people and making holes in the ground:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy1QEvI288ZGSh_8sb-dxdTl_VIguRWm5o9JMhffOjf-mfKY1z_FxglDB5bLVnk4MpByRuEc21yd8wE0xFPjcHdNeVRe9rdJr4fuWZPvV77gxrDX2EUgvJE6oakO_iHQFeXr2SU3eXHFk/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+Fighting+Style.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy1QEvI288ZGSh_8sb-dxdTl_VIguRWm5o9JMhffOjf-mfKY1z_FxglDB5bLVnk4MpByRuEc21yd8wE0xFPjcHdNeVRe9rdJr4fuWZPvV77gxrDX2EUgvJE6oakO_iHQFeXr2SU3eXHFk/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+Fat+Lady+Fighting+Style.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ouch!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Then there's this <b>weird Pacman robot</b>, known as "Banana Monster":<br />
<br />
And there's fight scenes that transition smoothly from intentional dancing-style kung fu to accidental frying-eggs-style kung fu. <i>Accidental frying-eggs-style kung fu?!</i> Yes indeed!
And, and, and... OK, I'm getting too excited here. I've already thrown in way more clips and stills than usual, and I feel like I'm just getting started. So I won't even go into the characters that suddenly turn into other characters in <b>weird Scooby-Do revelation scenes</b>. Or the scenes where the characters fight <i>themselves</i>, in a warehouse full of badly made dummies of themselves.<br />
<br />
No. The problem is, <i>Taoism Drunkard</i> simply cannot be explained without showing you every clip from the movie and outlining every scene. And even if I did that, you'd still have no idea, no idea at all, of the non-stop delightful mind game this movie is.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeniWBNzoVEZKpv1yd399vPL-KClphePjAP_O08wIdFNcaovP5hlMxWV9GdwQUi-gaIzb2bXEm4gamAAjvz0Q0phFFoJE1DFoFOFIqOZiFykbMhyXH9ADKOgP8Dvn8Ip2HPokf94x_o64/s1600/Taoism+Drunkard+WTF.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeniWBNzoVEZKpv1yd399vPL-KClphePjAP_O08wIdFNcaovP5hlMxWV9GdwQUi-gaIzb2bXEm4gamAAjvz0Q0phFFoJE1DFoFOFIqOZiFykbMhyXH9ADKOgP8Dvn8Ip2HPokf94x_o64/s400/Taoism+Drunkard+WTF.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> See it!</div>
Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-44559990365072482522011-10-25T16:49:00.000-07:002017-09-04T12:30:23.527-07:00Special Recipe: Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken SoupSo I was enjoying Tsui Hark's crazy <i>cannibalism</i> movie, <i>We're Going To Eat You</i>. (You can read my full review of the film <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/movie-review-were-going-to-eat-you.html" target="_blank">here</a>).<br />
<br />
I thought: "Cannibalism? This would be a great film to post a <i>companion recipe</i> to!"<br />
<br />
As you might expect, there's a lot of evil, badass cooking in a Tsui Hark cannibalism film. Most of this cooking involves ingredients like "people" and "people by-products." But at one point they decide to make chicken soup instead. <b>Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup!</b><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcLeHJb-nVUzfntee3fFq1r5lVfSUUQBmc79MuwbfV8_E1MKL0BLx_U8I8GK1jSawd49Rd0vdJvWd47WzW-cXWT4dWdFtQAqXcOy_ZChPPxQaNWj33kLoA6EPXpmqoTauT4Jf2bpTMqWo/s1600/WGTEY+Lining+up+for+Food.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="A bunch of Hungry Cannibals!!!" border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcLeHJb-nVUzfntee3fFq1r5lVfSUUQBmc79MuwbfV8_E1MKL0BLx_U8I8GK1jSawd49Rd0vdJvWd47WzW-cXWT4dWdFtQAqXcOy_ZChPPxQaNWj33kLoA6EPXpmqoTauT4Jf2bpTMqWo/s400/WGTEY+Lining+up+for+Food.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These cannibals are hungry. Not only that, they're badass! They don't want ordinary chicken soup. No, they want Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup. Yum Yum!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
How is this made? Read on!<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">(Or don't? This recipe is not for the moderately squeamish.)</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Hark really wanted his viewers to understand that his cannibal townspeople were cruel and insane. He didn't waste a single opportunity to do this. So when his cannibals run out of people to eat and decide to make chicken soup instead, they make it in the most over-the-top evil way possible. (Coincidentally, this is also the most minimalist way of making chicken soup I can imagine.) <br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2415919454876006658" name="recipe"><b>The Recipe</b></a>:<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Step 1:</span></b><br />
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<b>Heat up a very big wok.</b> Make it really hot. Put in some water. This will become the "soup" part of the Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Step 2:</span></b><br />
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<b>Take a whole bunch of live chickens.</b> Don't bother killing the chickens, or cutting them up, or even taking their feathers off. <b>Put these chickens into the wok.</b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMk_quL0fTVMJ7iDxANPOgy88zVZS9qh-N5LkE1am5xOQgwaa3aVXPTrETo628CncgMMXAl-ZkbyAsbJVsPBl0YcU5ncqRSM7aGFSqpEPqE7TlYLUJldAxG9PaOJucEQCNxfjVR93oTTk/s1600/WGTEY+Put+Chickens+in+Wok.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMk_quL0fTVMJ7iDxANPOgy88zVZS9qh-N5LkE1am5xOQgwaa3aVXPTrETo628CncgMMXAl-ZkbyAsbJVsPBl0YcU5ncqRSM7aGFSqpEPqE7TlYLUJldAxG9PaOJucEQCNxfjVR93oTTk/s400/WGTEY+Put+Chickens+in+Wok.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You're making those chickens suffer!" <br />
In case the audience is really stupid, Tsui Hark points this out to us.</td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Step 3:</span></b><br />
<br />
<b>Put a lid on the wok.</b> Hold it down tight! The chickens might want to get out.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIGRFqIY3nJOotmYize4xHmrndWRlrDfmHH_gUAE1XK57mAQfKf-eZwBDT13yysEPHPke8mtv-vW40S8lDsQkCwgISi3mgAkvgWUHsGTYvX_eTk-WMRvPkIWfUZu-vXMQqjbaC38HmCcg/s1600/WGTEY+Put+Lid+on+Wok.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIGRFqIY3nJOotmYize4xHmrndWRlrDfmHH_gUAE1XK57mAQfKf-eZwBDT13yysEPHPke8mtv-vW40S8lDsQkCwgISi3mgAkvgWUHsGTYvX_eTk-WMRvPkIWfUZu-vXMQqjbaC38HmCcg/s400/WGTEY+Put+Lid+on+Wok.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You're making those chickens suffer!" <br />
Yeah, we got that the first time.<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Step 4:</span></b><br />
<br />
Wait until the clucking stops. Then <b>enjoy</b> your delicious Badass Evil Cannibal Chicken Soup! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbczk-SjWFOPuvjdwa9BC5oQkNe-bMZL8NpDov0ojBWuZfyLiSdmxDmMQnpnH9touirz9w5I9_OLuG_-a5CJan2lAE9SyC5H_Kij0K0sw_tShLXyuY_IzE17y8anxSUW3UNIBggBhhqk/s1600/WGTEY+Soups+On.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbczk-SjWFOPuvjdwa9BC5oQkNe-bMZL8NpDov0ojBWuZfyLiSdmxDmMQnpnH9touirz9w5I9_OLuG_-a5CJan2lAE9SyC5H_Kij0K0sw_tShLXyuY_IzE17y8anxSUW3UNIBggBhhqk/s400/WGTEY+Soups+On.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yum!</td></tr>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">Disclaimer: This is not a real recipe. (Well, </span><i style="color: #674ea7;">probably</i> <span style="color: #351c75;">not. Who knows.) Either way, don't actually do </span><span style="color: #674ea7;">this! Yeah, it was in the movie. But do you do </span><span style="color: #351c75;">everything you see in movies? Besides, you would</span> <span style="color: #674ea7;">definitely be making those chickens suffer!</span></span>Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-8090070797544350552011-10-24T21:44:00.000-07:002018-02-28T18:49:19.517-08:00Movie Review: We're Going to Eat YouI looked at the cover of this Chinese movie. I saw the title. <i>We're Going To Eat You</i>!? Finally! A Hong Kong produced Chinese zombie movie!
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<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>We're Going to Eat You</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.8 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.2 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">We're Going to Eat You</td>
<td ;="" colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJROwYFn4Fm9QmD4R0cirmaftmI3PkrK9xhBwr36hiBswhroUpIB8QScdgZncdxjbS6hkB0FMU1qEUY0rCVkWcbzrUPxL2_M5BNB03UXU9biYr_umcW-LVS8kYDqM2_BczFHK5LChSJhg/s1600/WGTEY+Cover+Scan+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJROwYFn4Fm9QmD4R0cirmaftmI3PkrK9xhBwr36hiBswhroUpIB8QScdgZncdxjbS6hkB0FMU1qEUY0rCVkWcbzrUPxL2_M5BNB03UXU9biYr_umcW-LVS8kYDqM2_BczFHK5LChSJhg/s200/WGTEY+Cover+Scan+small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Tsui Hark</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Norman Chu, Eddie Ko Hung, Melvin Wong, Michelle Yim</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1980 </td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Mei Ah VCD937) <span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/10/what-is-vcd.html">What is a VCD?</a> </span></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<br />
But there were no zombies. What was I thinking? Hong Kong never had many zombie movies. But they <i>did </i>have a whole bunch of <i>this kind</i> of movie. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>It's a <i>cannibalism </i>movie! And cannibalism movies can be even more fun than zombie movies in the right hands!<br />
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The film opens as two bumbling friends with bladder control problems happen upon a remote island.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQcQruJvdExeGBGFLPxefRecd2IF4OJrrSiOuZFDfVWZV7-8K6ZhhMnpZbBhhD1a5Y4Mw3rJSfAl9T00DZgHv74HbTVYLYRA0nqCxXQUIaRyXT3E9GXm71LPyNYLQlYTMK3wkx8qov2UI/s1600/WGTEY+Weak+Bladder.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQcQruJvdExeGBGFLPxefRecd2IF4OJrrSiOuZFDfVWZV7-8K6ZhhMnpZbBhhD1a5Y4Mw3rJSfAl9T00DZgHv74HbTVYLYRA0nqCxXQUIaRyXT3E9GXm71LPyNYLQlYTMK3wkx8qov2UI/s400/WGTEY+Weak+Bladder.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Weak bladder!" <br />
One of many pee breaks.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Just as you start wondering if this movie is a mis-packaged documentary for urologists, the horror suddenly begins! It's an attack by cannibals! How can we tell they are cannibals? They fight with kitchen implements, and they all wear cooking aprons. Duh! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXCp8EITBdX6eiX5suH4p7ln5Rs0VVKdhujQD89AlYu5V4WC_seQ4CUJq6HEIecleqW1zFjKc8v-E8bBQqw6wXkYzXQcVOUHop90E7RxfkMx_RoZbX9aZlE_JDq3_akkVuc9PM3gd87jk/s1600/WGTEY+Cannibals+Wear+Aprons.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXCp8EITBdX6eiX5suH4p7ln5Rs0VVKdhujQD89AlYu5V4WC_seQ4CUJq6HEIecleqW1zFjKc8v-E8bBQqw6wXkYzXQcVOUHop90E7RxfkMx_RoZbX9aZlE_JDq3_akkVuc9PM3gd87jk/s400/WGTEY+Cannibals+Wear+Aprons.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Apron + Cleaver + Stupid Mask = Cannibal!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The leaky, bumbling friends fight valiantly, even using a cage of ducks as a weapon (!), but they succumb at last. They are "batchered", cooked up, and doled out to a hundred ugly, screaming townspeople, the whole insane flesh-eating population of this remote island.<br />
<br />
Some cannibalism movies might raise interesting ethical, moral, and philosophical dilemmas for their characters. Not this one! This whole town just <i>loves</i> being cannibals. Just how comfortable are they with their cannibalism? Here's an example: If your restaurant food arrives with a mysterious, curly human hair in it, you are likely to complain and send it back. At one point in this movie though, a guy complains because his dinner <i>doesn't </i>have any pubic hair in it. That's how <i>enthusiastic</i> and <i>untroubled</i> these guys are about their cannibalism.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Cage of Ducks Cleverly Deployed as a Weapon!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXDAGRYZEM4eP0gFBTlxuF3rL6VmgqT5Egf9UFNmIu-qdfYnTXFmO3godZpB7MGCHxEWvHGOXzcUVP0XNHQ7qpsLYlUiCq1OoLcXqQZ9I5wZN5iol8QieQglRPATZPUNNkEpvivbYHVSM/s1600/WGTEY+Lots+of+Batchering.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXDAGRYZEM4eP0gFBTlxuF3rL6VmgqT5Egf9UFNmIu-qdfYnTXFmO3godZpB7MGCHxEWvHGOXzcUVP0XNHQ7qpsLYlUiCq1OoLcXqQZ9I5wZN5iol8QieQglRPATZPUNNkEpvivbYHVSM/s400/WGTEY+Lots+of+Batchering.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Take the body and batcher it!"<br />
There's lots of "batchering" in this movie...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This film's director, Tsui Hark, is not known for subtlety. There's lots of over-the-top <b>silliness</b> in all of this violence. The kung fu is impressively choreographed for such a low-budget movie, but there's an overall <i>Three Stooges</i> aesthetic to a lot of the fights. And while cutting up a person and eating them is generally considered pretty gruesome, in <i>We're Going to Eat You</i> the victims get <i>batchered</i> with an over-sized saw at a raised table, creating a cheesy "Saw The Lady In Half" magic show vibe that is equal parts macabre and ridiculous.<br />
<br />
Unlike a Hollywood horror/comedy though, the silliest scenes in this movie are played entirely straight. From the Gweilo's perspective, <i>you never actually know if it's supposed to be funny (and missed its mark), or terrifying (and missed its mark)</i>. Riding this line and trying to figure out how to respond is a large part of the fun of watching this film.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqfJkNML_JsTNhfpevsZa7yIHhcaEp2OoUacGKBCHEUppRxT509y24ZGmyGjQfD-VRBUs-ct-P0rAXzAbeaQkKU4xs2Zr09l4A4X_EG75QH7k2rsrQQu9aqlJ1AkOW-ltoFqLkHHC7iC0/s1600/WGTEY+So+Glad+the+Movies+Over.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqfJkNML_JsTNhfpevsZa7yIHhcaEp2OoUacGKBCHEUppRxT509y24ZGmyGjQfD-VRBUs-ct-P0rAXzAbeaQkKU4xs2Zr09l4A4X_EG75QH7k2rsrQQu9aqlJ1AkOW-ltoFqLkHHC7iC0/s400/WGTEY+So+Glad+the+Movies+Over.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yay! We're extras in a Tsui Hark movie! Er, I mean, Rawrr! We're cannibals!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Eventually, the hero of the film, "Agent Number 999" shows up to put an end to all this inappropriate dining.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifEB3bLAHe-36Vl-0uMy7fJW0Rbo-WqlttBY1j1BaPO3i3J7WUw7w394a1coInBhMiVtCRQXWu_6DntErfZhq12h3zEO_wMk_O70shzMNjsVEWNnwTI3N_Nb5QLkApxtmS0rrVRkDBCm4/s1600/WGTEY+Agent+999.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifEB3bLAHe-36Vl-0uMy7fJW0Rbo-WqlttBY1j1BaPO3i3J7WUw7w394a1coInBhMiVtCRQXWu_6DntErfZhq12h3zEO_wMk_O70shzMNjsVEWNnwTI3N_Nb5QLkApxtmS0rrVRkDBCm4/s400/WGTEY+Agent+999.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm coded as agent no. 999." <br />
Serious Business, this guy!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He has a weird sidekick, who introduces himself to 999 this way:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkvqoBIXnBI7jmBKwMVa7S7y10O3DtOy_0P1A0CuqOR31S0ukCKl2JXQafB_xmG1yi4VIqUyGSLtxCwxyt9k8zka2sWrRXmAX0pSyne2Kcs1Ge05xhwaYvj0H5GUCCNqUcaAwD_DA7I4/s1600/WGTEY+Introduction+to+a+Weirdo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFkvqoBIXnBI7jmBKwMVa7S7y10O3DtOy_0P1A0CuqOR31S0ukCKl2JXQafB_xmG1yi4VIqUyGSLtxCwxyt9k8zka2sWrRXmAX0pSyne2Kcs1Ge05xhwaYvj0H5GUCCNqUcaAwD_DA7I4/s400/WGTEY+Introduction+to+a+Weirdo.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I like forgetting toilet paper after taking a shit!" <br />
Um, OK. Personally, I <i>don't</i> like doing this, but to each their own.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Agent 999 is a Goodie-Goodie, and the weird guy is a Bad-Guy Thief, not to mention Really Weird and also Unhygienic. So they make a <i>terrible</i> crime fighting team. In fact the weird guy steals all of 999's stuff and abandons him as soon as they get to the island, leaving 999 tied up and suspended in the air between two trees.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Agent 999 fights off an attacking cannibal while tied up and suspended</span></div>
<br />
The cinematography in <i>We're Going to Eat You</i> is pretty <i><b>silly</b> </i>too<i>.</i> That's the best word I can think of for it. The camera jumps around a lot. Scenes are often shot from down low or over head, for no apparent reason. There are lots of close-up shots that cut quickly from here to there, and lots of cameras zooming and moving around wildly. All this don't really help the Gweilo understand what's going on.<br />
<br />
What's more, lots of the most important fight scenes are fought in the near dark, with all this enthusiastic, silly, jumpy camera work. This <i>might</i> be intended to build the suspense, but it primarily builds just confusion. Which might be Tsui Hark's idea all along? If you are confused by the fight scenes, don't worry. So are the actors:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieOSaQoJtqULnHuWpMx_aVI79ySCKPNWdtSqU8deUiXyyinQMjsv7ueZ8nMvrc7FwIGvteqDuLpwD20Tam1EEiA1xyQzjN2qcRrJfkc2GwBm5uGwxnrZt2uYO2F5Fi250lkteB6qhe6QQ/s1600/WGTEY+Confusing+Fight+Frustration+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieOSaQoJtqULnHuWpMx_aVI79ySCKPNWdtSqU8deUiXyyinQMjsv7ueZ8nMvrc7FwIGvteqDuLpwD20Tam1EEiA1xyQzjN2qcRrJfkc2GwBm5uGwxnrZt2uYO2F5Fi250lkteB6qhe6QQ/s400/WGTEY+Confusing+Fight+Frustration+1.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You killed the wrong guy!" <br />
The frustration of an evil priest, trying to direct a confusing fight scene.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA1eBx8NWPW6cRW78vXuzL9uf8AJfyMoIpU68HcP6whhkrNSesYGV0WrV0lDtVg0g0M3ic9ijxmtCFStZwMRu9GNnCi45EUPgSFnKkEG0DI8LzzrP5KQwmqVaDM_DDtPaehUIjKwlyURI/s1600/WGTEY+Confusing+Fight+Frustration+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA1eBx8NWPW6cRW78vXuzL9uf8AJfyMoIpU68HcP6whhkrNSesYGV0WrV0lDtVg0g0M3ic9ijxmtCFStZwMRu9GNnCi45EUPgSFnKkEG0DI8LzzrP5KQwmqVaDM_DDtPaehUIjKwlyURI/s400/WGTEY+Confusing+Fight+Frustration+2.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Don't Kill indescrimanently!" <br />
I think this line was probably the assistant director's.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
All in all, it's not a very good movie. Tsui Hark has done <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/gweilos-guide-movie-review-detective.html" target="_blank">a lot better</a>. But the <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html#mst3k">high MST3K factor</a> makes this a rollicking good time anyway. That is, if you find being really confused to be good, rollicking fun!<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> Rollicking!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOJSJjeRXFE55gtDOSstSlcVqBnWoITgzcj6O4769JgVY_kEVeVoSnHnjrYheppjdz4opp-62P1TNqen-tMJwLuPAA8b02krWaJGzQKZoefmx4PJBf3V70cgOoMcCzlZRoKkOaqyHaVz4/s1600/WGTEY+Deep+Philosophy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOJSJjeRXFE55gtDOSstSlcVqBnWoITgzcj6O4769JgVY_kEVeVoSnHnjrYheppjdz4opp-62P1TNqen-tMJwLuPAA8b02krWaJGzQKZoefmx4PJBf3V70cgOoMcCzlZRoKkOaqyHaVz4/s400/WGTEY+Deep+Philosophy.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"If you don't eat people, they'll eat you!" <br />
Yeah, but only if they are also cannibals. Which, you know, is <i>really, really unlikely.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-49673488621911827602011-10-20T23:46:00.000-07:002011-10-31T11:01:19.602-07:00What is a VCD?You may have noticed that in a number of my reviews, I watch most of these movies in a format called VCD. What is a VCD?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgriKeGF4B0X6NBBdWUsLbPGYSKTkgpdBUCpL5P50cC4AIMt86mn0l69FjgHkhCV_KwMuK9jQSnsyMnsBDia_Q3YCD5edSw7LP4koptRndFqRmhvX75d_vdJ7QFSgvsm8oSdyZBSQkElDs/s1600/VCDjackiechan_WTF_VCD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgriKeGF4B0X6NBBdWUsLbPGYSKTkgpdBUCpL5P50cC4AIMt86mn0l69FjgHkhCV_KwMuK9jQSnsyMnsBDia_Q3YCD5edSw7LP4koptRndFqRmhvX75d_vdJ7QFSgvsm8oSdyZBSQkElDs/s400/VCDjackiechan_WTF_VCD.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
If that's what you want to know, this is the post for you. If you want to learn some tips and tricks for working with VCDs, this is also the post for you.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>VCD stands for Video Compact Disc. It's a weird hybrid that developed when CDs and CD-ROMs were pretty common, but before DVDs really took off. Basically, it's a CD-ROM with up to an hour's worth of video, super compressed and crammed onto it. <br />
<br />
Because of this, the video quality kind of sucks. Watching a VCD is about the same quality as watching an old VHS tape. It's easy to see why: A single DVD disk holds 4.7 GB of video data. A single VCD holds only 0.6 GB of video data. Even with the most brutal video compression, a whole movie rarely fits on a single VCD. So most VCD movies come split over two discs.<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="3">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEHHuby-vt4ljFpUVQzz5zJV8ODj1JBaawTU9jRUbnHqXz38IbHHlepmC7shMP9_Jn38T1LeXSVLmrBeLr9H6Xx7yuYARarPfBdcBwNosq1Kh4czXowv65sKphRJwf08gz5_zdIRqmB-k/s1600/VCD+Logo+1.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Common VCD Logos</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
<td style="text-align: right;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: 0px; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDzNShcK9imsRcMWyob2zoORA2cy5KQO4gpyyZQzgfQRLf3HfNGwERip5DyrvXhPDfxq8QrY35BwwpBGbeZ7ovh8ErdM24oVHcv-ejEiE2C9agkADWF_rN7zexWDepD3Vb5Mp0sBkbIhE/s1600/VCD+Logo+2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
The format never really caught on in the US. However it was a <i>huge</i> success throughout Asia, where VCDs are still manufactured for new movies right along with DVDs.<br />
<br />
Why does this matter?<br />
<ol>
<li> VCDs are a <i>whole lot cheaper</i> than DVDs for the same movie.</li>
<li>There are literally thousands of Hong Kong films that have only been released on VCD, and will probably never see the light of day on DVD.</li>
<li>Unlike DVDs, VCDs have no "Region" lock-outs, and no DRM. You can buy a VCD from Beijing and it will play just fine in Kansas. That won't work for a DVD, unless you've got a special, region-free international DVD player.</li>
</ol>
The bottom line is this: If you want to become a fan of Hong Kong movies, sooner or later you will have to get comfortable with VCDs.<br />
<br />
But don't worry. I'll take you through it one step at a time.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">How To Read the VCD Case</span></b></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0h8CsQ5Cac6SMbR5GthFCLgEt2x9dvlRmq8Bbdrx-U6EXkOHh9i1KqVUFnyIaMyGXEJddRCTlpIpfXRIW38atgtpJY8h8uhu_5ls11nxvo5cFnA1uTJ02W1QxgWhksuk1bJiUA9lzxDg/s1600/VCD+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0h8CsQ5Cac6SMbR5GthFCLgEt2x9dvlRmq8Bbdrx-U6EXkOHh9i1KqVUFnyIaMyGXEJddRCTlpIpfXRIW38atgtpJY8h8uhu_5ls11nxvo5cFnA1uTJ02W1QxgWhksuk1bJiUA9lzxDg/s1600/VCD+1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">New VCD</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Here's a VCD, fresh from the store. This is the back:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPthsxY37uF3GBHMzyJVgICAEIMWylxAiC-6g1N2096v266dz7EdVMcBlMFV7I22JTLs1LELYWJ-8GoTOcqW9FH3sxYP3ElzMUrqygbJUYZVH4Rr9nsAbSbVYM-O2y822RNQximKrA4k/s1600/VCD+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPthsxY37uF3GBHMzyJVgICAEIMWylxAiC-6g1N2096v266dz7EdVMcBlMFV7I22JTLs1LELYWJ-8GoTOcqW9FH3sxYP3ElzMUrqygbJUYZVH4Rr9nsAbSbVYM-O2y822RNQximKrA4k/s1600/VCD+2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back of VCD</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It looks a little confusing, and you will notice that there isn't a lot of English to help you out. Even the spine of the case just has the Chinese title of the movie:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpoboE_tJlajyB_9krWizjR_FBJ5SgjODEowSu0SGslTXXGLztiFTgjrDiC3xtHEWzSBI2MclkpcBHuTEzOiNdeBhctzRb_kHtCMZOUuU7DBmtp7hOmWnwwUJ9Nr6jG4chmYsX2aRygbE/s1600/VCD+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpoboE_tJlajyB_9krWizjR_FBJ5SgjODEowSu0SGslTXXGLztiFTgjrDiC3xtHEWzSBI2MclkpcBHuTEzOiNdeBhctzRb_kHtCMZOUuU7DBmtp7hOmWnwwUJ9Nr6jG4chmYsX2aRygbE/s1600/VCD+3.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Don't despair! Usually the other side of the VCD case (the side opposite the hinge) has the English title of the film:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz-Xsxmh0fNcmNu04KqcNnfcmz7EUON99i9DQc9Cpta2VE2Y_oKUtnSDUZ8lF5MyLTggNB6hDgjivsVdLl-DGHpgZ8RP7s85T2TITgL9zZmkul1arbEmymggZvivs6jtKXTWYanYt9yAY/s1600/VCD+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz-Xsxmh0fNcmNu04KqcNnfcmz7EUON99i9DQc9Cpta2VE2Y_oKUtnSDUZ8lF5MyLTggNB6hDgjivsVdLl-DGHpgZ8RP7s85T2TITgL9zZmkul1arbEmymggZvivs6jtKXTWYanYt9yAY/s1600/VCD+4.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aaahhhh no! That's a really unfortunate translation of the title!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Generally the English translation of the Chinese title is very, very bad, and it will sometimes have almost nothing to do with the movie at all. So with this movie, we get our first WTF moment before we've even taken the plastic off! From the <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html">Gweilo's perspective</a>, that's awesome!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmZvG2N-bw7s6jbjs6brgReudm6jTybIiYtaQkq6K72vuarvQvo0WqmAD7JNToSul6RIolFhbHr8tPB20iR9sT0pvNLmxLNJe-fytrc3IzcKDVCWwnd1eIsi7izWjICf6pNhxzN48GBB4/s1600/VCD+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmZvG2N-bw7s6jbjs6brgReudm6jTybIiYtaQkq6K72vuarvQvo0WqmAD7JNToSul6RIolFhbHr8tPB20iR9sT0pvNLmxLNJe-fytrc3IzcKDVCWwnd1eIsi7izWjICf6pNhxzN48GBB4/s1600/VCD+5.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did I mention that VCDs are really cheap to buy?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Let's take a closer look at the cover and see what we can find out:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj84RCKKsvfoH64fvHA-b81TYsAkIiqIzYtHGcFVgAau-WexTGjrlJ08OOXP3C7E66_GGyDo7QuyrgarKaOsjSkDR6FcmG4qAR-KA9wsWwm4v5Z8HHy8Uat2s36nVl56VcOqrTzIuiEBAg/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj84RCKKsvfoH64fvHA-b81TYsAkIiqIzYtHGcFVgAau-WexTGjrlJ08OOXP3C7E66_GGyDo7QuyrgarKaOsjSkDR6FcmG4qAR-KA9wsWwm4v5Z8HHy8Uat2s36nVl56VcOqrTzIuiEBAg/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+full.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Besides getting an idea about the movie's theme (Woot! Apparently, we've got Ninjas in this one!!), there are a couple of other things to look for on the front cover:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPT-Ta6L53wf6v6Nf2zOV0Yf0NW5pYzzNOtx90lfcfa0Nfv4X-oJtoYPgtKqv13jj6mru77jlSsPbLsi2bKdAZWqAPOnVsYgH9KjoYDXF_GncOcmpRlHX0RtiaZVZQE_kVl9D3jx34sg/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+full+with+highlights.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrPT-Ta6L53wf6v6Nf2zOV0Yf0NW5pYzzNOtx90lfcfa0Nfv4X-oJtoYPgtKqv13jj6mru77jlSsPbLsi2bKdAZWqAPOnVsYgH9KjoYDXF_GncOcmpRlHX0RtiaZVZQE_kVl9D3jx34sg/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+full+with+highlights.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Hidden somewhere on almost every VCD cover is 1) the English title of the movie, and 2) whether or not it has English subtitles.<br />
<br />
This particular VCD is very helpful, because it <b>actually uses English</b> to mention the English subtitles:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4GKSqLVKHR7X9YsQAzXWvkD-7Ms-Hh_KCfr6Ps_yTc8FpWfuXr01Q_p86_g1_um20-mzH4BcM7LIu89AGTLvj_9n2DXfMwIYk9NUEceJOwnHDJvgVVY-bAz1JxXZTzF7NWG2Akjq0K24/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+closeup+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4GKSqLVKHR7X9YsQAzXWvkD-7Ms-Hh_KCfr6Ps_yTc8FpWfuXr01Q_p86_g1_um20-mzH4BcM7LIu89AGTLvj_9n2DXfMwIYk9NUEceJOwnHDJvgVVY-bAz1JxXZTzF7NWG2Akjq0K24/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+closeup+1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">English Subtitle!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
While it certainly makes sense to use English to announce English subtitles, I've unfortunately found that many, many Hong Kong VCDs with English subtitles only announce this fact in Chinese. Therefore, when shopping for VCDs, it's important to always look for these characters:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDHDbJ68rKUHOTGXzdn1Pb2dOyygXQouZlnDWBWcfvfLPstTadqMCnSCl-ige5IEW-ixC26Bh-e_W0YVeWf9IvEfHadoTLZame29rKOdWTthvMyNe4jElnmhV2q-90q0_UmCj2p_fX4A/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+closeup+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDHDbJ68rKUHOTGXzdn1Pb2dOyygXQouZlnDWBWcfvfLPstTadqMCnSCl-ige5IEW-ixC26Bh-e_W0YVeWf9IvEfHadoTLZame29rKOdWTthvMyNe4jElnmhV2q-90q0_UmCj2p_fX4A/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+2+closeup+2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The magic symbols that mean you might actually understand at least some of the movie.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Sometimes this information isn't on the front, but on the back of the VCD case:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhysav_jkqDK7K3azV8QlEfs4qWEk3ipvf39hWjYbC_inhClY5Xl2TPybI69vn0fjV71I6gii6p6IZBPRoyuMhTDOmhBeU_Dyrjd75EfH6Lr0qsrnaqF8_AcyVcKedT-wm0XGocsRcmM_w/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+1+full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhysav_jkqDK7K3azV8QlEfs4qWEk3ipvf39hWjYbC_inhClY5Xl2TPybI69vn0fjV71I6gii6p6IZBPRoyuMhTDOmhBeU_Dyrjd75EfH6Lr0qsrnaqF8_AcyVcKedT-wm0XGocsRcmM_w/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+1+full.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
This is another polite one. It's also got an English language description of the movie! Sometimes, the WTF-Level of the English language description of the movie is a good indication of the WTF-Level of the movie overall. Like with <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/movie-review-never-compromise.html">this one</a>.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQq6d_3oONRLEN7t2TaUo1SwdthoTzY8ZmZOT9g5M97mSo-uvQojahn09I9bYd3AG0H22Q506AWFc6lajHewSlCyp9rxyi1sqOqSCC2ZANYuVesLUfbvmK7rYupWHUd26Of99SM98KSbM/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+1+closeup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQq6d_3oONRLEN7t2TaUo1SwdthoTzY8ZmZOT9g5M97mSo-uvQojahn09I9bYd3AG0H22Q506AWFc6lajHewSlCyp9rxyi1sqOqSCC2ZANYuVesLUfbvmK7rYupWHUd26Of99SM98KSbM/s1600/VCD+Subtitle+example+1+closeup.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Print this out when you go VCD shopping! These characters are your friends!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="" name="subtitles">A Few Words</a> about English Subtitles in Hong Kong Movies</span></b></div>
<br />
Hong Kong used to be a British colony. It remained a British colony all the way up until the turn-over of 1997 (which is really late in the game for England to still be messing around with colonialism, but that's another story). Because of this odd situation, it was actually <b>required by law that every movie made in Hong Kong up to 1997 have English subtitles on the final print of the film</b> (official language of the Empire and all that.)<br />
<br />
So, English subtitles was something the studios <i>had</i> to do, but they didn't have to <i>like</i> doing it, and they didn't have to do it <i>well</i>. As a result, big budget studio movies would sometimes spend as low as $50 on the English translation subtitles. And it shows! Creative, zany, and downright poetic WTF translation errors in the subtitles are some of the most amusing things to watch for in any Hong Kong film!<br />
<br />
Also, just because there legally had to be English subtitles on the film, and just because the cover of a VCD promises English subtitles, doesn't actually guarantee that the subtitles will be there. About 1 in 10 VCDs will have no English subtitles.<br />
<br />
If you get one like this, don't rage. Just go with it. From the Gweilo's perspective, no subtitles just introduces a little more challenge into the mix. If you are truly hard core about watching a really weird and unusual movie--a WTF movie like nothing you've ever comprehended before--then no subtitles makes the experience even more sweet.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">How to Play A VCD</span></b></div>
<br />
Open the VCD case, and you'll find two CD-ROMs inside, containing part 1 and part 2 of the movie:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK7H8yLtEFc7PAo6rVKczTtwRsYEgmwJzh27ybUvRgQtcQZRilX-YJy_WeE1KaJiR61IvLX7MD_0N6_EkHQEbxaLWZLjWK9HFDZOP6-jdeQMLooiAFo3v39LqbFf-jlqvZptw2GFPuA6c/s1600/VCD+6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK7H8yLtEFc7PAo6rVKczTtwRsYEgmwJzh27ybUvRgQtcQZRilX-YJy_WeE1KaJiR61IvLX7MD_0N6_EkHQEbxaLWZLjWK9HFDZOP6-jdeQMLooiAFo3v39LqbFf-jlqvZptw2GFPuA6c/s1600/VCD+6.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
You have a few options at this point. The easiest thing is to try playing it in your DVD player.<br />
<br />
Most DVD players don't <i>advertise</i> that they also play VCDs, but almost all modern DVD players can actually play them. Remember, this is still a very popular format in Asia, so any DVD player made by an international company will probably support this format. If your DVD player comes from an Asian company, like Sony for example, it is certain to play VCDs.<br />
<br />
So, pop the first disk in your DVD player and see what happens. Here I've stuck our VCD into my crappy Pioneer DVD player:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaSFBH194mDEY2vqEAWb-OiOxOi5ykWGST5PH2-5VzYrHjYsCHU8X9jAq8j3QZ1UdbgpdhnUAG_HiXcGO-5gjMKKesMfgoViPIP2np0Ao0z_5pCXCjnkGJJLLjl8nsXk-150BUOxuqo3Y/s1600/VCD+on+DVD+player+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaSFBH194mDEY2vqEAWb-OiOxOi5ykWGST5PH2-5VzYrHjYsCHU8X9jAq8j3QZ1UdbgpdhnUAG_HiXcGO-5gjMKKesMfgoViPIP2np0Ao0z_5pCXCjnkGJJLLjl8nsXk-150BUOxuqo3Y/s1600/VCD+on+DVD+player+1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It looks like it's not working, but it actually is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
See the letters "VCD" up there in the blue bar? That means it the Pioneer recognizes the disk. There's no menu, or any kind of start-up screen, or previews, or anything, because none of that fancy stuff will fit on the super-compressed CD. Instead,<b> just press play and off you go.</b><br />
<br />
But there's one last thing to do, if you want the audio to sound right!<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;"><a name="audio">A Few Words about Audio Tracks on VCDs</a></span></b></div>
<br />
Once the movie starts, you'll notice the audio will sound weird. Whenever someone talks, you will hear two different voices stumbling over each other. This is because all Hong Kong VCDs have two separate audio tracks for two different Chinese dialects: Cantonese and Mandarin.<br />
<br />
On a fancy DVD, you can have as many language tracks as you want. You can select them individually with the remote, and each language stays separate from the others.<br />
<br />
As the DVD's cheap-ass cousin though, the VCD format presents its two audio tracks in the cheapest way possible: as the left and right channels of a single, stereo track!<br />
<br />
<b>So to make it sound normal,</b> <b>you have to press the "Audio" button on your DVD player's remote, and make your machine play only the left (or the right) audio track, instead of stereo</b>.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMebdh91efWtNwC1TVCKMAtD8UhvpZPbXt0Hbq3BGby0_y2_x5sW7XV-aDlqtO2dTDhSqGWNI38yt75nMEr7OMA6x0mdBpbjdVD5_2V4vi-G-rKzRUmsCsAr4iYqFfyboL9elZgQAQExQ/s1600/VCD+on+DVD+player+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMebdh91efWtNwC1TVCKMAtD8UhvpZPbXt0Hbq3BGby0_y2_x5sW7XV-aDlqtO2dTDhSqGWNI38yt75nMEr7OMA6x0mdBpbjdVD5_2V4vi-G-rKzRUmsCsAr4iYqFfyboL9elZgQAQExQ/s1600/VCD+on+DVD+player+2.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Selecting Audio Left</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Here I've selected only the left audio track, so I can hear it in Cantonese (the language the movie was filmed in).<br />
<br />
You'll also notice the subtitles, both Chinese and English, at the bottom of the screen. On a VCD, these are permanently a part of the video you are watching--they are burned right onto the print of the film. <b>Pressing the "subtitle" button on your DVD remote will never do anything when you are watching a VCD.</b><br />
<br />
If you want to try watching them on your computer, most software video players ought to be able to handle the VCD format. I personally prefer <a href="http://www.videolan.org/vlc/" target="_blank">VLC</a>.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Hacking the VCD Format</span></b></div>
<br />
You don't need to read this last section at all, unless you are having trouble playing a certain disk, or you want to understand the nuts and bolts of how the format works.<br />
<br />
Every so often, I'll get a VCD that my computer has trouble playing. In that case, it's nice to be able to temporarily extract the video data from the VCD and play it directly from the computer's hard drive. This is actually pretty simple to do.<br />
<br />
VCDs <i>are</i> in fact just CD-ROMs. They are CD-ROMs with a certain expected set of directories and files. To see them, stick your VCD into your computer's optical drive, and mount it as a normal data CD. (Don't "play" it, but "open" it or "explore" it instead.)<br />
<br />
You'll see something that looks like this:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaO7qMhs23Bj2bG7a4uJphN-ePPzpFtVUgaXnDg1xLdhNOfiZnG7-VyEl1T1_DIC07G_fuw7_TXyTg3taAzeI5KXtR4ceD_lc12-GBhmy1J8kV4WHZ6wVMZr1FbJTCQEipKrXxndJX_Us/s1600/Extracting+Video+from+Problem+VCD+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaO7qMhs23Bj2bG7a4uJphN-ePPzpFtVUgaXnDg1xLdhNOfiZnG7-VyEl1T1_DIC07G_fuw7_TXyTg3taAzeI5KXtR4ceD_lc12-GBhmy1J8kV4WHZ6wVMZr1FbJTCQEipKrXxndJX_Us/s400/Extracting+Video+from+Problem+VCD+1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click picture to enlarge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Note:</b> Make sure your file explorer is showing you "hidden" files and showing you file extensions as well.<br />
<br />
There will be several folders here and some files. Look for the MPEGAV folder and open it. This folder will have one or more files with the .DAT file extension. These are <i>not</i> Windows .dat files; they contain the video information. What you want to do is choose the .DAT file in this directory that is the largest. (In this case, there's only one file, but some disks will have a lot of them. In any case, you always want the largest file size!)<br />
<br />
Copy this file. Then change the extension from .DAT to .MPG<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2qk32Z5Z_8ibJFDCOJbnznEcUBMjdq2p_Z8el21yFuehpvd08HubaqFnsh4kHprw2O48eop-5PlKmwnMLudT4vnKrdQ36b7TYp0wtbYTwv14SyMkEH0Cb1uyGO5O_BwWA-a2ji0FJwYA/s1600/Extracting+Video+from+Problem+VCD+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2qk32Z5Z_8ibJFDCOJbnznEcUBMjdq2p_Z8el21yFuehpvd08HubaqFnsh4kHprw2O48eop-5PlKmwnMLudT4vnKrdQ36b7TYp0wtbYTwv14SyMkEH0Cb1uyGO5O_BwWA-a2ji0FJwYA/s400/Extracting+Video+from+Problem+VCD+2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click picture to enlarge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In this case, I'd change AVSEQ01.DAT to AVSEQ01.MPG. Now you can play the mpg file with any video player you like.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-20651582751653817932011-10-10T20:01:00.000-07:002018-02-28T18:50:56.146-08:00Movie Review: Spooky FamilyI think I can guess how this Chinese movie got made. Some producer thought it would be a good idea to cash in on the huge and lucrative <i>Addams Family</i> craze of 1990 (you'll have to stay with me here). So director Chin Yuet Sang begin his film with a shot of the "Spooky Family" posing together in a recognizable Addams Family style, while the Addams Family theme music played (<i>with one note different, to make it an "original" song!)</i><br />
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<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Spooky Family</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.4 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.7 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Spooky Family</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgD8a57rGGflU3pnqDwPiLBW7_RYMxm91rdLqqCBVV5YO5Bgk8Aht2y2mPNNkIJCV5Lv08IA7G_GmWBbWws_jLQZGkVcO-XejGuf9B6Tv_skJOPJynKsKeSyd2RIGArcPod1gsOgjgbk/s1600/spookyfamilycoverscansmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtgD8a57rGGflU3pnqDwPiLBW7_RYMxm91rdLqqCBVV5YO5Bgk8Aht2y2mPNNkIJCV5Lv08IA7G_GmWBbWws_jLQZGkVcO-XejGuf9B6Tv_skJOPJynKsKeSyd2RIGArcPod1gsOgjgbk/s200/spookyfamilycoverscansmall.jpg" width="199" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Chin Yuet Sang</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Kent Cheng, Nina Li Chi, Pauline Wong, Sandra Ng, Billy Lau, Peter Chan Lung </td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1990</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (China Star Entertainment Group, WF50103V)</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<br />
At this point, about twenty seconds into the movie, the director must have said "Screw this! The <i>Addams Family</i> is <i>not</i> huge and lucrative, as my stupid producer thinks. I'm going to make my <i>own</i> movie!" So, after <i>less than a minute</i> into the film, the director tore up the script and threw out the premise. The movie struck off entirely on its own...<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>What follows is an amazing collection of delightfully unconnected nonsense, which finally gels into a semi-coherent Hopping Vampire movie about half way through.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkvv1zn0-8Od4grdDipwmAmjEv3jEWNvBXoUTcCxf8QxuefEr8mvmgUHf6quprHfZ5v4G3hXn-lSijyK1w18vF0AfqjoV-FQQn_F4_8HyPviGSAUgepfLgvLE39CMqYVtZvmb0QuoBcx8/s1600/addamsfamilyvsspookyfamily.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkvv1zn0-8Od4grdDipwmAmjEv3jEWNvBXoUTcCxf8QxuefEr8mvmgUHf6quprHfZ5v4G3hXn-lSijyK1w18vF0AfqjoV-FQQn_F4_8HyPviGSAUgepfLgvLE39CMqYVtZvmb0QuoBcx8/s1600/addamsfamilyvsspookyfamily.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, let's not do that.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For the first half hour, the movie just spins out entirely random and unconnected plots, sometimes featuring members of the "Spooky Family" and sometimes not. I like to imagine the director swaggering about, drunk with freedom and high on his new-found rebellion against making <i>an Addams Family knock-off</i>. I picture him storming around the set screaming "Stop whining about <i>coherence</i> and <i>plot</i>. You can't tell <i>me</i> how to make a movie! I'm gonna do what I want!"<br />
<br />
So in the first part of the movie, there's scenes of bandits, and army officers with battalions escorting condemned prisoners, and fortune telling, and some guy who eats cigarettes. Forget about those people and scenarios. They won't show up later in the movie at all.<br />
<br />
We also learn that the family collects hopping vampires, for no apparent reason except that they think hopping vampires are "valuable" somehow. OK. And they amuse themselves by doing things like kung fu nose picking with the vampires:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENFWCjO1sQDpb51lBmt3mWgzeobGY7CL5NDnnBudPl2Dpjmij_yEjIh-fTaOYGMQsqk_IteOYMhBlVhQMTaT_gOIddLezvyP5SM2zZvnYNAsdsu1DFtEsTHXD6yQh_zEmBnqACPnbuYs/s1600/Spooky+Family+Vampire+Nose+Picking.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhENFWCjO1sQDpb51lBmt3mWgzeobGY7CL5NDnnBudPl2Dpjmij_yEjIh-fTaOYGMQsqk_IteOYMhBlVhQMTaT_gOIddLezvyP5SM2zZvnYNAsdsu1DFtEsTHXD6yQh_zEmBnqACPnbuYs/s320/Spooky+Family+Vampire+Nose+Picking.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That looks like . . . fun?</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They've also invented a machine that lets a human and a vampire swap brains:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-Rt9ZEgV_YHUMeavkswWsZ03Igq11Gd_mQ_q_-n0hBZYzDjANne3OKgCdrFn-hmUKpuZ8SAUFbGJH3wJ9HQoRWaHWimAgcBOxm99MCSU1QdhT_qLvbvhkDNJjEOI_P9A5x9iXnUZDQg/s1600/Spooky+Family+Machine.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd-Rt9ZEgV_YHUMeavkswWsZ03Igq11Gd_mQ_q_-n0hBZYzDjANne3OKgCdrFn-hmUKpuZ8SAUFbGJH3wJ9HQoRWaHWimAgcBOxm99MCSU1QdhT_qLvbvhkDNJjEOI_P9A5x9iXnUZDQg/s320/Spooky+Family+Machine.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wish I had a machine that looks like this. Even if it's just a toaster.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Why do they need this machine? What possible reason could the father have for putting his son in the machine with a vampire? <i> "You can't tell </i><i>me how to make a movie! I'm gonna do what I want!"</i><br />
<br />
But <i>Spooky Family</i> moves on quickly, before this random brain swap becomes any kind of problem.<br />
<br />
Eventually, the family learns of a very valuable "Copper Vampire" from East China, so the bumbling father and son team head off into the woods to find it. They find it immediately, "East China" being quite small, and subdue it after a long protracted nonsensical fight, involving lots of magical post-it notes and "cock blood" and such.<br />
<br />
They head home, happy with their new prize.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvbI8VJMyXPnPkGDjyIYuJeyDvKnev_k-vjCxL1By1CRgcp-vFIEfuvbXNRJukNAvjvVJycFm7JxxH73YC3tXO2Y65fUyW2vSu8iX6qXISwKXMR84XhcwA7WscOCa8dDPGbT89rDp5Vw/s1600/Spooky+Family+Gary+Busey+Vampire.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvbI8VJMyXPnPkGDjyIYuJeyDvKnev_k-vjCxL1By1CRgcp-vFIEfuvbXNRJukNAvjvVJycFm7JxxH73YC3tXO2Y65fUyW2vSu8iX6qXISwKXMR84XhcwA7WscOCa8dDPGbT89rDp5Vw/s320/Spooky+Family+Gary+Busey+Vampire.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gary Busey, you've really let yourself go!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then we get more haphazard scenarios, like using dirty water as a telephone, awkward family dinners, a "Naughty" family ghost. Oh, and this:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRjL-aRTVemh3r9gGU5HYmc24ZgKbHKn29Sd6788r7jQd2oE0IQBt_q4rE5Lwv_8XQ9bPwU1T5NsdpuvCebQsNftL1AcO_fuP-fUVs5GPsb2_qkoTtAIpF_ro4opMNsp_GOF3KXjyarc4/s1600/Spooky+Family+Great+Line.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRjL-aRTVemh3r9gGU5HYmc24ZgKbHKn29Sd6788r7jQd2oE0IQBt_q4rE5Lwv_8XQ9bPwU1T5NsdpuvCebQsNftL1AcO_fuP-fUVs5GPsb2_qkoTtAIpF_ro4opMNsp_GOF3KXjyarc4/s320/Spooky+Family+Great+Line.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"My buttocks get itchy, can't you see?"<br />
Imagine auditioning with this line.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Finally, some kind of plot returns near the end of the film. An evil magician shows up who wants to get his hands on the valuable "Copper Vampire", so we get lots of silly fight scenes.<br />
<br />
And here's the biggest payoff, at least from the Gweilo's perspective.<br />
<br />
You might think a director storming around screaming<i> "You can't tell </i><i><b>me</b> how to make a movie! I'm gonna do what I want!"</i> would be a <i>bad</i> thing for a movie. Usually, this is probably so.<br />
<br />
But there's something really delightful about the sheer freedom of crazy, drunken, entirely unsupervised movie making. Sometimes the disconnected silliness strikes a note you've never heard before, and you get <i>brilliant</i> disconnected silliness.<br />
<br />
The evil magician is a perfect example of this. Tons of movies (especially tons of <i>Chinese</i> movies) have evil magicians. But because this is a "copper" vampire, something clicked together in the director's mind and he decided that the evil magician in this movie should therefore be . . . David <i>Copper</i>field!<br />
<br />
Ok, so he doesn't look much like David Copperfield, and the director probably realized this too. So he's introduced in the film as "David Copperfield's <i>protégé</i>" instead. <br />
<br />
The upshot is, while the "Spooky Family" uses tons of the goofy kung fu magic typical of a Hopping Vampire movie--and this goofy kung fu magic is <i>extremely amusing</i> from the Gweilo's perspective all by itself--the "evil magician" uses a bunch of corny stage-magic tricks, involving scarves and big handkerchiefs and such. He launches rabbits and pigeons out of his magician's hat at enemies, and conjures goofy looking "magic boxes" straight out of a Vegas magic act to trap his enemies.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> This kind of brilliant, delightful randomness is one of the main reasons I love Hong Kong movies. Enthusiastically recommended!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-70413664513957208022011-10-08T14:42:00.000-07:002018-02-28T18:51:53.582-08:00Movie Review: Till Death Do We ScareHer name is "Irene Leen." An old, Chinese-movie-style fortune teller proclaims this to be a very unlucky last
name indeed. She should have picked a different one. With a last name like "Leen," she is destined to <i>always be a widow.</i> After all, it’s
the same last name as JFK’s famous widow. "You know," he says. "Jacque<i><b>line</b></i>!" Amazing.
<br />
<br />
<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Till Death Do We Scare</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.6 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.7 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.2 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Till Death Do We Scare</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7NAZ8N2z6Q7RAN0aTSDGwom4X4Fb26uXxx916HEM7Mok-OZtemtFGyLGBIumepFbMjSDgwuKrRFRa4EdRIib30RcGvjjmRsYrU6170RxbSgYBobTmfDdlQf8MgqQ2aNlsn2Y0oswRVMM/s1600/Till+Death+Do+We+Scare+coverscan+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7NAZ8N2z6Q7RAN0aTSDGwom4X4Fb26uXxx916HEM7Mok-OZtemtFGyLGBIumepFbMjSDgwuKrRFRa4EdRIib30RcGvjjmRsYrU6170RxbSgYBobTmfDdlQf8MgqQ2aNlsn2Y0oswRVMM/s200/Till+Death+Do+We+Scare+coverscan+small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br /></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Lao Kai Wing</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Olivia Cheng, Alan Tam, David Chiang, Wong Ching, Raymond Wong</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1982</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Media Asia/Megastar MS/VCD219HK) </td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<br />
This is a ludicrous premise, and it leads to a satisfyingly silly Chinese movie. From the Gweilo's perspective, it seems as though nobody was taking <i>Till Death Do We Scare</i> seriously at any point in its creation. Which frees up the director for some amazingly absurd scenes. For example,<br />
<a name='more'></a>...the cursed woman marries three men in rapid succession in the early part of the film, leading to some amazing <b>Rube Goldberg Death Scenes.</b> For example, Husband 2 (a cartoonish Mob Boss) sends a hit man to kill Husband 1, a B-Movie Actor, at the first wedding. The hit man <i>does</i> end up killing the actor, but not how he was planning.<br />
<br />
The mob boss then dies... Actually, I don't think it can be explained in words. You'll have to see it.<br />
<br />
The third, instantly dead husband is the priest who oversaw all the other weddings and funerals. At one of the funerals he tells her "May the lord be with you. But if the lord isn’t with you, there’s always me. Hubba hubba!"<br />
<br />
A little tacky? To be fair, most of the courtship in this film happens at funerals. That seems to be the norm in the world of this film:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9SJKafKkUkmjJzqOboLIk53OsD9R2JRx5-6Z5uC6mkIk61-hUloL9T5bPPgrOfzt-Vfc00S8Ns7TZQdhCbRtovCnbui78kMsmp2NAESdMZh9dfV1UCmOhyphenhyphenfM9WgsLPHk8aimRnBAmYdE/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Courtship.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9SJKafKkUkmjJzqOboLIk53OsD9R2JRx5-6Z5uC6mkIk61-hUloL9T5bPPgrOfzt-Vfc00S8Ns7TZQdhCbRtovCnbui78kMsmp2NAESdMZh9dfV1UCmOhyphenhyphenfM9WgsLPHk8aimRnBAmYdE/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Courtship.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dearly Beloved, I've come a-courtin'!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The other way courtship happens in this film is through <b>stalking</b>. Actually, the level of creepy stalking in this film is far more unsettling than the rubber mask monsters of the "ghosts," "werewolves," and "draculas" we see later <i>(Most of Lao Kai Wing's special effects budget seems to have been spent in a joke shop or novelty store!</i>)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYKMC2xwhmRI49Ps1CbBLBRtaWVnPzvUELay9dCwEv4bt7jw2VxDnCTurll5iVlBFmYrm3oeAvxfy9nfR5cyFzl5IpBhAJqkp_BpM664SE38W8ekB8tDQMtUZV6_fuXeBrC9PYwFnSw4w/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Joke+Store+Mask.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYKMC2xwhmRI49Ps1CbBLBRtaWVnPzvUELay9dCwEv4bt7jw2VxDnCTurll5iVlBFmYrm3oeAvxfy9nfR5cyFzl5IpBhAJqkp_BpM664SE38W8ekB8tDQMtUZV6_fuXeBrC9PYwFnSw4w/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Joke+Store+Mask.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This "Ghost King" looks more constipated than terrifying, in my opinion.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, <i>stalking</i>: Love interest number four breaks into Irene's house with a baseball bat. Good thing she's got one too:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHkJ9NsmeZPT-STzaTmR14yqQov8VgC9PadWFlIwRFRh0SvhI6aB8oNS2usa-Co0RUslYgL538dr6LKidHaMSZY3VL3jXWT2W9FsaxVR-mZczgyrFDVzx2FlisFdu0prz8XbiHaB5zL4/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Batting+Practice.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHkJ9NsmeZPT-STzaTmR14yqQov8VgC9PadWFlIwRFRh0SvhI6aB8oNS2usa-Co0RUslYgL538dr6LKidHaMSZY3VL3jXWT2W9FsaxVR-mZczgyrFDVzx2FlisFdu0prz8XbiHaB5zL4/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Batting+Practice.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bats: Perfect for stalkers and stalkees!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
She knocks him out, thinking he might be a burglar. But the next morning it's all good, because it turns out <i>he's just a creepy stalker/rapist!</i> Well, apparently that's just fine:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixuhLC9NlVy7vp0eRQ3jpM-h8Ml0xKAPam8e1u5fk2Z6RjWE1Kdsx7gNpQ5-YinScMA9BlXlLV-06V8FmjLL7LQmdGJumV8olZcte1GsUAnza9wQkLnde3vkfoAEncC5zkeoKjOWmzeJc/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixuhLC9NlVy7vp0eRQ3jpM-h8Ml0xKAPam8e1u5fk2Z6RjWE1Kdsx7gNpQ5-YinScMA9BlXlLV-06V8FmjLL7LQmdGJumV8olZcte1GsUAnza9wQkLnde3vkfoAEncC5zkeoKjOWmzeJc/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+2.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sorry for knocking you out last night.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirR01HgHdF6P6TLtq_6tX_f3YDL4S05oEQ-nuLa3Y0BFpEbAiiW1u7WMby6DbjmexL-egTu7nHPwUc_aBILfmjYFDvjU4PZwWQGYRhrvlpk4JatsIEGDIKGtpDo7mGP0jFDH2IiPPUlKA/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirR01HgHdF6P6TLtq_6tX_f3YDL4S05oEQ-nuLa3Y0BFpEbAiiW1u7WMby6DbjmexL-egTu7nHPwUc_aBILfmjYFDvjU4PZwWQGYRhrvlpk4JatsIEGDIKGtpDo7mGP0jFDH2IiPPUlKA/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+3.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I thought you were a burglar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5S1fBxbMLKGeBM64LRUbGE6-wXAy9fttmJHB0j8WyWBer5casN5O60UKlLi9VCR7yYsY-LfPWuIi14Sp1eJ48viZwjNkOqGFXNVLkDhTNdcZDxA3n93OELteazmyKN1_Qc6aRPJBSqVs/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5S1fBxbMLKGeBM64LRUbGE6-wXAy9fttmJHB0j8WyWBer5casN5O60UKlLi9VCR7yYsY-LfPWuIi14Sp1eJ48viZwjNkOqGFXNVLkDhTNdcZDxA3n93OELteazmyKN1_Qc6aRPJBSqVs/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Stalking+4.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You're here because you fancy and adore me!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Yes, that really happens.<br />
<br />
Even weirder, this is followed up by a <b>Stalking Montage</b>! If you're used to Hollywood films, I'm sure you've seen plenty of <i>training montages</i>. I'm sure you've seen montages where the heroes are building something, or planning something, or traveling somewhere. But I challenge you to find a <i>Stalking</i> <i>montage</i> with upbeat, happy background music in <i>any</i> Hollywood film, <i>ever</i>!<br />
<br />
A compliment:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgynPw93PKH_mKi1lpsnFpPhKjToClmPJE1XctDUZgFJVv4xurOrKgdmKHgb8D64BW6o1QNF0DMA_FBy6IRptj5kWgB8jNfM7NEyVHYSpIvRf8AC_dvQGCInzPDii0H-NToD0MXSkg3hw/s1600/Till+Death+Do+We+Scare+Complement.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgynPw93PKH_mKi1lpsnFpPhKjToClmPJE1XctDUZgFJVv4xurOrKgdmKHgb8D64BW6o1QNF0DMA_FBy6IRptj5kWgB8jNfM7NEyVHYSpIvRf8AC_dvQGCInzPDii0H-NToD0MXSkg3hw/s320/Till+Death+Do+We+Scare+Complement.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Let's hope something was lost in translation</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, the plot basically involves the ghosts of her first three insta-dead husbands as they get involved in her current (fourth) relationship. They are kind of like the Three Stooges of ghosts:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitn5c1ip_wRAyTU9bW9Cr11p2A6sP9oXcjWCoBkpMAH-2gb40jUkJNLgTamAgZGmkHocJJ81-WYfxEshUnl3cYwKUeX65MWB0FsMLq13BPGfKt1_4LxbJAgCLy0t2vhw4Z00ivnbU-v1Y/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+3+stooges.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitn5c1ip_wRAyTU9bW9Cr11p2A6sP9oXcjWCoBkpMAH-2gb40jUkJNLgTamAgZGmkHocJJ81-WYfxEshUnl3cYwKUeX65MWB0FsMLq13BPGfKt1_4LxbJAgCLy0t2vhw4Z00ivnbU-v1Y/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+3+stooges.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Larry, Curly, and Moe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They spend most of their time just goofing around, "haunting" things like this chair, so that it requires kung fu to sit in it:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYihDm4JXUJsqnhcnQGNfyMvqbZyrvM2pwwMPux2QU0o7vEKEHFUFBlmzt9j6_XN9nLZUP-WW1agHcHeriw667thzsJGtmDqefdZGxDGBHfMjkN1XXG_wC5ZCBM7beVDbTOTZ-UTCDmfo/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Haunted+Chair.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYihDm4JXUJsqnhcnQGNfyMvqbZyrvM2pwwMPux2QU0o7vEKEHFUFBlmzt9j6_XN9nLZUP-WW1agHcHeriw667thzsJGtmDqefdZGxDGBHfMjkN1XXG_wC5ZCBM7beVDbTOTZ-UTCDmfo/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Haunted+Chair.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kung Fu Sitting</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Or haunting the fourth guy's pants, so he can't take them off. Serious, classy, high-brow humorous stuff like that.<br />
<br />
Oh, and the ghosts go around singing the movie's theme song from time to time too:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvvfSlGdBASEuOcfq0wnBLIA1qp-UTk50Pj_LsTvZBjneMQ3-L-DdN-scMvQTHJiylCVbfHax2QZFmMPSutBu5AGo2yVcMJHptmv9OizwlabfnLMWUYt1PPQBQodCW2H9TtL7KF-ZhGQo/s1600/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Theme+Song+Ghosts.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvvfSlGdBASEuOcfq0wnBLIA1qp-UTk50Pj_LsTvZBjneMQ3-L-DdN-scMvQTHJiylCVbfHax2QZFmMPSutBu5AGo2yVcMJHptmv9OizwlabfnLMWUYt1PPQBQodCW2H9TtL7KF-ZhGQo/s320/Till+Death+Do+Us+Scare+Theme+Song+Ghosts.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Really?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> OK, if I'm going to be honest, this is a terrible film. It's bad no matter which way you look at it. But, <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html">from the Gweilo's perspective</a>, there's a really playful freshness and originality to it that you'll never see in a Hollywood movie. So, in spite of its obvious flaws, recommended.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-29588222734011259082011-10-05T16:42:00.000-07:002018-02-28T18:52:53.640-08:00Movie Review: Too Many Ways to Be No. 1<i>Too Many Ways to be No. 1</i> is possibly the most violent comedy I have ever seen. At least, I have to assume this Chinese movie is intended to be a comedy. There is way too much situational humor, way too many unlikely coincidences, way too much goofiness in the directing and cinematography for this to even possibly be intended as a serious drama.
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<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Too Many Ways to be No. 1</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.6 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Too Many Ways to be No. 1</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2ZVN8s95jUjCexq0TTDdwaOAeueWuzTKOJzv1SRWEV_TGLoC6DWMj6l71G-B6nBkEzhfaSmb2mhZQ1ue7eo7Ba60uZlfxMDi4juwtdJ_3s_8Yv0dfbbbge_6vdaHwVaki28wULcjZbw/s1600/too+many+ways+to+be+no+1+cover+scan+smalljpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgy2ZVN8s95jUjCexq0TTDdwaOAeueWuzTKOJzv1SRWEV_TGLoC6DWMj6l71G-B6nBkEzhfaSmb2mhZQ1ue7eo7Ba60uZlfxMDi4juwtdJ_3s_8Yv0dfbbbge_6vdaHwVaki28wULcjZbw/s200/too+many+ways+to+be+no+1+cover+scan+smalljpg.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Wai Ka Fi</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Lau Ching Wan, Carman Lee, Frances Ng</td>
</tr>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1997</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">DVD (City Laser & Video Company Limited NDVD 129) <span style="font-size: x-small;">Oddly, this is packaged like a VCD.</span></td>
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<br />
Imagine taking Quinten Tarantino's <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105236/" target="_blank">Reservoir Dogs</a>, mixing it in a blender with <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0130827/" target="_blank">Run Lola Run</a>, adding the silliest tricks of Hong Kong film making, then splattering it with enough blood and gore and severed fingers that you really, honestly have no idea what kind of movie you're watching. From the Gweilo's perspective...<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
...the result is weird enough to be very satisfying indeed!<br />
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<i>Too Many Ways to be No. 1</i> is the story of some Hong Kong “rascals” who want to be big Triad guys, and they variously succeed and fail (mostly fail) in this ambition. The plot is convoluted and goofy to the point of surrealism. It also doubles back on itself, so the characters can make key choices more than once, and we can see how the plot unfurls differently as a result of these choices. Note that this is the exact premise/device of the award-winning German film <i>Run Lola Run</i>. In fact, the first time I saw <i>TMWTBN1</i>, I assumed it was ripping off <i>Run Lola Run</i>. Then I realized that <i>Run Lola Run</i> came out in 1998, a year after <i>TMWTBN1</i>. Huh. How about that.<br />
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The references to Tarantino's 1994 <i>Reservoir Dogs</i> are way too deliberate to be accidental. Just like Tarantino's film, this one starts with all our gangsters conversing around a restaurant table, the camera panning around between them.<br />
<br />
This is partly an homage to Tarantino's style, which is fair enough because Tarantino borrows from Hong Kong movie aesthetics all the time. But Wai Ka Fi is also pretty clearly <i>making fun</i> of Tarantino, because his camera ends up dipping and swooping about in such a zany way that it becomes impossible to take this style seriously.<br />
<br />
Another example: There's a famously tense stand-off scene in <i>Reservoir Dogs</i> where three different characters hold guns on each other to see who will back down first:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwNOCAUmsNg06vOtCkI2zEYf33RbIOiO0U5OgwF8x8xcQnA-8Cb9oWgiBJBsK3cH_DVUIzQ3QR1aQZ9iRE6d0PDLPe5RmLIn3_dvMlVXwqtFP1nJ_I9dEd0rrPA-cwK042LIEAlKKlsRc/s1600/reservoir_dogs_standoff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwNOCAUmsNg06vOtCkI2zEYf33RbIOiO0U5OgwF8x8xcQnA-8Cb9oWgiBJBsK3cH_DVUIzQ3QR1aQZ9iRE6d0PDLPe5RmLIn3_dvMlVXwqtFP1nJ_I9dEd0rrPA-cwK042LIEAlKKlsRc/s320/reservoir_dogs_standoff.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tarantino's Stand Off Scene, 1994</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
(Interestingly, Tarantino <strike>stole</strike> I mean "borrowed" this scene from an<i> earlier</i> <i><b>Hong Kong</b></i> movie, Ringo Lam's 1987 <i>City on Fire</i>. <span style="font-size: x-small;">But that's another story</span>.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNCjMkcCp6iX3ZyLOEHGXs-cZnLtU7rhbofH2Vo53Ba18mZKGkDODI5BUKiDlfUhCoA-QIz4HvwMaTjiFdQK4DZ2AMnvFmEDd1HQb5upAfWY5MSc5r1bJWZQ-2-K1LGBXnv1GTKzMFYPc/s1600/city+on+fire+stand+off.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNCjMkcCp6iX3ZyLOEHGXs-cZnLtU7rhbofH2Vo53Ba18mZKGkDODI5BUKiDlfUhCoA-QIz4HvwMaTjiFdQK4DZ2AMnvFmEDd1HQb5upAfWY5MSc5r1bJWZQ-2-K1LGBXnv1GTKzMFYPc/s1600/city+on+fire+stand+off.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ringo Lam's Stand Off Scene, 1987</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Wai Ka Fi gives us <i>his</i> version of this stand-off in <i>Too Many Ways to be No. 1</i>, but again he exaggerates it to the point of goofiness by putting over a dozen people in the mutual stand-off:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_W4hPBPhOp8ngJ0Lu0UhIEQtTI_z3HsbkSI-Qfq4zhyphenhypheniKTtiq95_6Me9duHBzLN-ZP8bFDh3xQp_3d0WsPCm7dxxWlGGhl8zhyphenhyphenJQr62u5kLmEtj3brzBDu56URihIUGraiFooqcHHRcc/s1600/too+many+ways+to+be+no+1+superstandoff+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_W4hPBPhOp8ngJ0Lu0UhIEQtTI_z3HsbkSI-Qfq4zhyphenhypheniKTtiq95_6Me9duHBzLN-ZP8bFDh3xQp_3d0WsPCm7dxxWlGGhl8zhyphenhyphenJQr62u5kLmEtj3brzBDu56URihIUGraiFooqcHHRcc/s320/too+many+ways+to+be+no+1+superstandoff+1.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">TMWTBN1 Super-Sized Stand Off Scene, 1997</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's Tarantino way past the point of absurdity. It's dark and gritty and tense, sure. But it's so far over-the-top that it becomes something else too. What? Comedy? Dark comedy? Surrealism? Just silliness? From <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilos-guide-and-why-should.html">the Gweilo's perspective</a>, I'm not really sure. Which makes this movie unusually interesting to watch.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Very Fun Plot</span></div>
<br />
The movie's plot is really quite fun(ny), especially if you put aside all the gruesomeness and violence.<br />
<br />
You can think of the plot as a list of <b>What Happens If You Don't Think Your Criminal Plan All the Way Through</b>. For example:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>The would-be criminals escape from the scene of a crime to their hideout. They are worried that they will be found--<i>What if someone saw their getaway car?!</i> So they decide to <b><i>blow up</i></b> their getaway car on the street in front of their hideout, so as not to attract attention.</li>
<li>They brick up a dead body in a wall, so that nobody will find it. They<i> forget to remove</i> the dead body's cell phone and pager.</li>
<li>They agree to drive a fleet of stolen luxury cars to a warehouse. They go to where the cars are. And only then realize that they don't all know how to drive.</li>
<li>They decide to "follow" a more competent triad gang while <i>they</i> do a robbery, hoping to steal from the more competent criminals later. They follow so closely they end up crashing into the real criminals' car.</li>
<li>They agree to kill someone, just like professional hit men. They fly to their destination, only to realize they left the name and address of their target at home. So they <i>call their mom</i> to read the information to them. But their mom is blind.</li>
</ul>
And much more.<br />
<br />
<b>Tip:</b> Getting instructions from a homicidal narcoleptic crime boss can be a problem, especially if he promises to kill you if you ask him to repeat his instructions.<br />
<br />
Even more, the camera work in this film is much more daring and weird than you'll ever see in a Hollywood film. Some of it ends up downright beautiful.<br />
<br />
Like this, my favorite scene of the film, a gun fight that begins with the lights getting shot out so the whole scene is illuminated only by the muzzle flashes of the guns.<br />
<br />
Or this sudden, botched, impromptu robbery. The movie camera itself is apparently one of the things the robbers hastily grab, so this whole scene is shot upside down, from the perspective of one of the robber's hands.<br />
<br />
Or another gunfight scene where the camera lens gets spattered with blood, and the blood stays on the lens for the rest of the shot, the constellations of blood drops rotating with the lens as the camera focuses.<br />
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<b>Bottom Line of this Chines Movie Review:</b> It's almost certainly a comedy, but it's got all the wincing grittiness of <i>Reservoir Dogs</i>. In certain scenes, when it gets this balance just right, its like nothing you've ever seen before.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-47572933722558487562011-10-03T00:33:00.000-07:002018-02-28T18:54:13.652-08:00Movie Review: The God of Cookery<i>The God of Cookery</i> is a funny, funny movie from the Gweilo's perspective. That's partly because it is intended to be funny--it is a comedy after all--and partly because the humor translates so strangely from the Chinese context to the American. The movie is a take-off on Japan's very popular (at the time) <i>Iron Chef</i> TV program. Except this movie is what <i>Iron Chef</i> should have been like: A cooking competition with shotguns, mysterious uninvited Buddhist monks, remote-controlled bombs, magical fairies, dancing judges, and lots of kung fu.<br />
<br />
<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>The God of Cookery</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.7 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">The God of Cookery</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioPUUkje0s-oQs7eU8OCYBRmpUDHwJFZnxsD3Nkiwx6gG-Kjpu7MSGqX2KzCBGnRQ3Lv392BsGlK0n7e1DMwlUBsb7rdxsJC5wiI9llZxigG-WFmFTtWy_daXWN6-bbk-KgVC7U6JORew/s1600/coverscangodof+cookery+small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioPUUkje0s-oQs7eU8OCYBRmpUDHwJFZnxsD3Nkiwx6gG-Kjpu7MSGqX2KzCBGnRQ3Lv392BsGlK0n7e1DMwlUBsb7rdxsJC5wiI9llZxigG-WFmFTtWy_daXWN6-bbk-KgVC7U6JORew/s200/coverscangodof+cookery+small.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Stephen Chow</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Stephen Chow, Karen Mok, Ng Man-Tat, Vincent Kok</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1996</td>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Universe U333 VCD 1485)</td>
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</div>
<br />
This is cooking where the kung fu is sometimes used for fighting, but is more often applied directly to the art of cooking, such as various kung fu styles of frying. Also, the pinnacle of culinary success in the world of this film is a dish called “Exploding Pissing Beef Balls.” Yes it is. And to top it off, Stephen Chow's movie presents a remarkably engaging story in spite of all the silliness involved.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Stephen Chow is a master of straight-faced, absurd comedy: Comedy that gets its punch by setting up the most ridiculous situations and then playing them entirely seriously. He does this very well as an actor, and he does this very well as a director. In this film, he's both.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Part I -- What a Jerk!</span></b> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Stephen Chow has cast himself as "The God of Cookery," a fraudulent master chef who runs a large chain of restaurants from his corporate headquarters on the rooftop of a Hong Kong building. He's like some kind of evil cross between Donald Trump and Ronald McDonald. He's also a grade-A asshole. Do you want proof? Here's how he greets his second-in-command:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjZS1tKRb4aHduO3sEjFLYZW0d-EizbDgRERcQYij21TpQ1LTOBPuN0ExHRV5PuwFQpyGhbtz64ploA9tionUrSKDz71xH-yEXRGyMVqeCJen913OlnGIkqN_2-HESr0Wjnh8OVrv4IuE/s1600/greetinghissecondincommand.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjZS1tKRb4aHduO3sEjFLYZW0d-EizbDgRERcQYij21TpQ1LTOBPuN0ExHRV5PuwFQpyGhbtz64ploA9tionUrSKDz71xH-yEXRGyMVqeCJen913OlnGIkqN_2-HESr0Wjnh8OVrv4IuE/s320/greetinghissecondincommand.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unusual term of affection?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Here's how he greets the woman that will become his romantic interest later in the movie:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4z1oyNcHcYuhiJSEnFB5hcL9pFgAPs1ZqVLJAnjLQoPzZHnLEULSjVTxLUeMEItR7RmHE9zqNHejrazkiAxUnWg_vT6tVrUTGXz_YAiihqOgN0TxH8miG2YH2_TIfWzcnrss0tEry0DM/s1600/greetinghisladylove.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4z1oyNcHcYuhiJSEnFB5hcL9pFgAPs1ZqVLJAnjLQoPzZHnLEULSjVTxLUeMEItR7RmHE9zqNHejrazkiAxUnWg_vT6tVrUTGXz_YAiihqOgN0TxH8miG2YH2_TIfWzcnrss0tEry0DM/s320/greetinghisladylove.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ditto</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This Honk Kong movie shows us a corporate world where your chance of success is directly proportional to how big a jerk you are. And Stephen Chow is such a success that he walks around his roof-top office suite without pants on, randomly harassing and beating up his underlings. I've never personally thought of the ability to go pants-less at work as a key indicator of corporate success. But now I will.<br />
<br />
In one scene, he invites an employee to dine with him. During the meal, he occasionally does something nice for the guy, like hand him a napkin. Or he occasionally does something asshole-ish, like shove the guy's face into his plate. This random cruelty is at the crux of his managerial strategy:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq8eMAFlgkaghyphenhyphenHHcLpeXpEPMouHBZKoqBx5cFr5CtEfQG7oYA-yRnAXOVYYRZDQPOI5yoEKVqanXKT_sg_i9Dvmd9OJcKBP6s2qdKf58Uc3pTLM-ytWvvYgPF9_C7jDAD31x_lHnIx-w/s1600/doingwhateveryoulikeprovesyourpower.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq8eMAFlgkaghyphenhyphenHHcLpeXpEPMouHBZKoqBx5cFr5CtEfQG7oYA-yRnAXOVYYRZDQPOI5yoEKVqanXKT_sg_i9Dvmd9OJcKBP6s2qdKf58Uc3pTLM-ytWvvYgPF9_C7jDAD31x_lHnIx-w/s320/doingwhateveryoulikeprovesyourpower.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is THAT what's in those Management Strategy Guide books?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The only fly in the ointment of Stephen Chow's corporate dream world is ugly people and things—for some reason he really hates ugly. Like ugly God of Cookery groupie fans.<br />
<br />
And ugly chefs:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohhIiAv3JXK_t5Tlx5IaiePBPhu9MIW_hNrjjxWsiSlicFeuTDpehr6HOp1DJl-ln8Ag66irOpqqwQkPne-K2nUQvaCXVpKTnwrI3Oda9RWxDtoyz5f9IzACsnRAG4hSZGvTuHx5mi0s/s1600/ugly+chef.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjohhIiAv3JXK_t5Tlx5IaiePBPhu9MIW_hNrjjxWsiSlicFeuTDpehr6HOp1DJl-ln8Ag66irOpqqwQkPne-K2nUQvaCXVpKTnwrI3Oda9RWxDtoyz5f9IzACsnRAG4hSZGvTuHx5mi0s/s320/ugly+chef.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In Stephen Chow's world, it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And ugly fish:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuqsacw2YjuPbEzJVJk6UXj3ciDUTURJAh-zTsz682DfJe8W9Je2zyWTFLN34LFyqMiyI0caOQdBr90Gf9zFBviqW_utJUCvIBtVSXCEdgjiFmWk1wSrOwArJkXr-TyVAwkXe8Vybeixg/s1600/ugly+fish.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuqsacw2YjuPbEzJVJk6UXj3ciDUTURJAh-zTsz682DfJe8W9Je2zyWTFLN34LFyqMiyI0caOQdBr90Gf9zFBviqW_utJUCvIBtVSXCEdgjiFmWk1wSrOwArJkXr-TyVAwkXe8Vybeixg/s320/ugly+fish.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"ugly" is the word you're searching for.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Before long, though, one of his underlings challenges his place as “The God of Cookery”. I wish all cooking challenges involved large amounts of kung fu.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Part II -- Redemption</span></b> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Ousted from his job, Stephen Chow can only turn, in shame and humility, to the ugly, low-life characters of Temple street, characters like "Goose Head", and scar-faced, buck-toothed “Twin Dagger Turkey.” Turkey used to be beautiful, but she was in a fight where her face was cut, leaving a scar. As for her teeth, we are told she was stabbed in the spine, which, um, messed up her nervous system, which, um, made her teeth suddenly poke out. I wish I just made that up. (Later in the movie, Turkey gets shot directly in the face, which drastically improves her appearance.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXIvOeff_Do94ahH4xZMaE1p2ytm0Pdq7HZYhZiQYyaj3aLmT1frhdS46Cdp_Xm92A4YpwPVGPeEBWBR_R5Q1j98rGOMlRJ2TPY1Yoz_L5gNJbU949Z1_9krL5ltXOpbMbqa4HtsZPLso/s1600/thecureforugly.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXIvOeff_Do94ahH4xZMaE1p2ytm0Pdq7HZYhZiQYyaj3aLmT1frhdS46Cdp_Xm92A4YpwPVGPeEBWBR_R5Q1j98rGOMlRJ2TPY1Yoz_L5gNJbU949Z1_9krL5ltXOpbMbqa4HtsZPLso/s320/thecureforugly.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A radical cure for ugly.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With his new humility--and his new, ugly crew--Chow begins to form a second food empire to compete with his old corporation. The secret to his success lies in combining two of the more loathsome low-life delicacies - “<b>pissing shrimp</b>” and “<b>beef balls</b>” - into “<b>Explosive Pissing Beef Balls</b>”.<br />
<br />
As you might guess from the name, these are special meatballs that explode piss all over your face when you bite them: <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJn30RrzayU6NaScHEpzOv1MkUXogjjl9nRd7c7xeW3rOJOjwL6Y4XBfOVr07lKoRdVUeMoELpVpniezcvqKHj7KjIInrIB3u_Tn3lgRRrIE4weEPS1GvfldbLncuiDkCGKZAZsfOcuw/s1600/bitingapissingbeefball.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfJn30RrzayU6NaScHEpzOv1MkUXogjjl9nRd7c7xeW3rOJOjwL6Y4XBfOVr07lKoRdVUeMoELpVpniezcvqKHj7KjIInrIB3u_Tn3lgRRrIE4weEPS1GvfldbLncuiDkCGKZAZsfOcuw/s320/bitingapissingbeefball.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yum?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As you might <i>not</i> guess though, they are also so tough and elastic that you can play ping pong with them:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gY2h8G6_XJYJ67fTT6dKg3SBKxZTJCy4HgfGvcrmi8-F6Z462vmKapXmVPoqxArMT4dnYYb6wxuNih9PRcsWBKXAmU5LQ6JEmKskWnsSNwCvDdfaG85hox6CqC2bLk-KQOXdb_SQSbE/s1600/pingpongbeefball.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-gY2h8G6_XJYJ67fTT6dKg3SBKxZTJCy4HgfGvcrmi8-F6Z462vmKapXmVPoqxArMT4dnYYb6wxuNih9PRcsWBKXAmU5LQ6JEmKskWnsSNwCvDdfaG85hox6CqC2bLk-KQOXdb_SQSbE/s320/pingpongbeefball.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dinner, anyone?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I wouldn't have imagined that <i>either</i> of these would be major selling points for a new food, but in the world of this Chinese movie, <i>they are</i>! Hong Kong just can't seem to get enough bouncy, unstable piss balls!<br />
<br />
By the way, we learn of <i>another</i> major selling point to Exploding Pissing Beef Balls, when Chow applies for a loan at the bank for his new business:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqzNaGYZK3iskuktXXLDObwvkq-Tk92QfUNa_ty552-dk_06qI4rCGgNtBI2-V5NcNDJny4uPgaT7VbkjUNlwdkFAuLJPD8x9oi6VxDDNfXfaWVgqPZR5b7EA2L8aT7XMKt8DMEvFjxfo/s1600/othersellingpointbeefball.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqzNaGYZK3iskuktXXLDObwvkq-Tk92QfUNa_ty552-dk_06qI4rCGgNtBI2-V5NcNDJny4uPgaT7VbkjUNlwdkFAuLJPD8x9oi6VxDDNfXfaWVgqPZR5b7EA2L8aT7XMKt8DMEvFjxfo/s320/othersellingpointbeefball.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, OK then.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Warning: Do <i>not</i> try this yourself, if you are applying for a small business loan!<br />
The film then shows Chow building his second company, and training himself, all leading up to the grand finale cooking competition so he can win back his “God of Cookery” title. In the process he travels to mainland China and enrolls in what he thinks is a Chinese cooking academy, but which actually is a kung fu school. And he learns some lessons about true love, and cooking "from the heart."<br />
<br />
Oh, and his hair turns white for no reason.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> Should you see this movie? Yes, by all means yes. And show it to friends too, if you want to introduce them to the awesomeness that is Hong Kong cinema!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-20772155671698727402011-09-30T10:33:00.000-07:002018-02-28T19:00:19.505-08:00Movie Review: Never CompromiseThe back cover of this Chinese movie has a poorly translated plot summary of <i>Never Compromise</i>. It begins:<br />
<blockquote style="color: #274e13;">
Because of drug problem, 'Homicidal Mania' Bill and Shing conflict with a guy of triad society and kill seven... </blockquote>
Wait! “'Homicidal Mania' Bill”?!<br />
<br />
<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Never Compromise</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span> </div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td></tr>
<tr><td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td><td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.5 out of 5</b></td></tr>
<tr><td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td><td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4 out of 5</b></td></tr>
<tr><td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td><td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2 out of 5</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td><td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Never Compromise</td><td rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkkn-JY5wn7BNwfu3Sa4cEt6cOZ-EWtp-RdD8riDAvF0MNlFIRzkXuijzQKX0gSnszgkkrZFfECFaJg4XriOAKaRwZ_uhOb9wsebe4aypNkNm_sIHAZ7gbz_bPQus4v46CIWIDI1XvC0/s1600/Never+Compromise+Cover+Small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkkn-JY5wn7BNwfu3Sa4cEt6cOZ-EWtp-RdD8riDAvF0MNlFIRzkXuijzQKX0gSnszgkkrZFfECFaJg4XriOAKaRwZ_uhOb9wsebe4aypNkNm_sIHAZ7gbz_bPQus4v46CIWIDI1XvC0/s200/Never+Compromise+Cover+Small.jpg" width="175" /></a></div>
<br /></td></tr>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td><td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Bosco Lam</td></tr>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td><td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Frances Ng, Simon Lui, Yu Rong-Guang</td></tr>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td><td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">2000</td></tr>
<tr><td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td><td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Universe U333 VCD 2252)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<br />
Right there, I knew I would have to see this movie. Seriously, how can a movie be bad if the main character is called <b>"Homicidal Mania" Bill</b>? <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
It turns out there are lots of ways a movie like <i>Never Compromise</i> can be bad, even if the main character has <i>so much awesomeness</i> in his name. For example: <br />
<ul>
<li>The movie can have a plot that makes no sense, and sub-plots we just don't care about. </li>
<li>It can have oddly spastic attempts at character development that don't actually develop any of the characters, major or minor. </li>
<li>It can <i>turn out</i> that the movie jumps around in time, with lots of flashbacks and so forth. But the viewer doesn't even notice or care that it's jumping around until near the end. <i>But it doesn't matter because the characters haven't developed at all!</i></li>
</ul>
Those are just a few of the ways a movie like <i>Never Compromise</i> can be bad. Just a few of the many, many ways.<br />
<br />
But then, there's “Homicidal Mania” Bill, and the goofy, weird over-acting of Frances Ng just about makes up for the rest of the movie's shortcomings.<br />
<br />
"Homicidal Mania" Bill is exactly that, extremely homicidal, and extremely maniacal. And he's really, really weird, but not like Hollywood “weird”--he's really fucking out there. For example, the movie opens with Bill mercilessly killing a family of seven. OK, fine; that's what any normal homicidal maniac would do. But then he does this with his face, for a really long time:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEqT8JmHYoBMYOeGzrh4ctCdj-Qh5cAWhtpH4dydZk3ZWE2sPL0pQY6Nc-2G8KLGeanoXFSU8ui1MIk_U6hdqufJwmhaP6hbiyic-kvkxYuaCdf2EevwK2wjtFvOEUNDa3GIifEM-wcA/s1600/vlcsnap-2018-02-28-18h57m39s119.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Crazy "Homicidal Mania" Bill post-murder face" border="0" data-original-height="288" data-original-width="384" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJEqT8JmHYoBMYOeGzrh4ctCdj-Qh5cAWhtpH4dydZk3ZWE2sPL0pQY6Nc-2G8KLGeanoXFSU8ui1MIk_U6hdqufJwmhaP6hbiyic-kvkxYuaCdf2EevwK2wjtFvOEUNDa3GIifEM-wcA/s320/vlcsnap-2018-02-28-18h57m39s119.png" title="Homicidal Mania Bill Face" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
What the hell is that? And why does the filmmaker think we want to see it for so long?<br />
<br />
Bill then goes into hiding (in an open boat along a public waterway), and his brother Shing brings him some carryout food. Bill <b><i>spits out the food</i>, triggering a long series of flashbacks.</b> Apparently he's not only “Homicidal Mania” Bill. He's also “Really Fussy Eater” Bill, so there's lots of different memories in store. <br />
<br />
Usually a movie's flashback scenes are triggered by something a little more significant and meaningful than <i>spitting out food</i>, but whatever. This is “Homicidal Mania” Bill we're talking about. He can trigger his memories however he wants! <br />
<br />
In one memory, Bill and his buddies are playing a remarkable poker game. The first player has a straight, the second has a “full house of ace”, the third has four kings, but the next guy wins with a two of spades. It's these little details that make Hong Kong cinema so enjoyable for me.<br />
<br />
“Homicidal Mania” Bill and his friends get fired for playing cards on the job (they <i>ought</i> to get fired for playing cards <i>so poorly</i> on the job!). After a brief misunderstanding in which “Homicidal Mania” Bill almost kills his circle of friends, they all decide to embark on a life of crime.<br />
<br />
And that brings up a huge problem: Why the hell does this circle of friends stay with “Homicidal Mania” Bill at all, let alone trust him with a gun? He's clearly an utter lunatic and extremely dangerous! His first name is “Homicidal Mania” for chrissake! Of course Bill immediately screws up their first heist by being overly homicidal and maniacal. And overly hungry.<br />
<br />
Yes, he screws up this heist by needlessly blowing up police officers with homemade bombs, and then insisting that they stop in the middle of their getaway so that he can get a snack in a restaurant. Even better, his retarded circle of friends don't see anything wrong with this change of plans! The whole criminal team waits outside impatiently in their getaway van, engine running, pantyhose still half pulled down over their faces from the robbery, while Bill eats and drinks (in a maniacal way of course). Naturally the police catch them, and throw them all in jail.<br />
<br />
I should mention that there's a bunch of side stories going on about a big drug deal and a big illegal weapons deal and a triad from Macau and the police investigation and probably a few other things. Honestly, this stuff is boring and confusing and extremely disjointed. The only real fun in <i>Never Compromise</i> is “Homicidal Mania” Bill himself. <br />
<br />
For instance, at one point he attacks his own birthday cake. At other times, he beats up rats (yes, the rodents). He also tries making meth in a wok and selling it to a drug cartel. <i>Whatever will he think of next?</i><br />
<br />
In a “big scene”, brother Shing tries to talk Bill out of his homicidal and maniacal ways. “Fists are not the answer” he tells Bill earnestly, and Bill bobbles his head around in maniacal thought about this new concept. “You have to stop attacking people,” Shing says. The music swells, and there's a poignant pause. Shing looks his brother in the eye.<br />
<br />
“Bill, if you have to hit someone, hit me instead.” <br />
<br />
And without a split second of hesitation, Bill leaps up and gleefully starts beating the living crap out of Shing.<br />
<br />
And <i>that's</i> how we know we are far, far from Hollywood with it's boring old conventions of emotionally satisfying character development and growth. From the Gweilo's perspective, a scene like that is pure gold.<br />
<br />
After a while, Bill starts getting bored beating up his brother. So he screams at Shing to think of something they can do after the beating's over. What does Shing want? <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbUdwjEHLomOVgG2wgQn-CHw5ykzITPMwCt6jzn2yJZN8WkG6BclJccaentgBEFvjyTmRScKDXXP_PWN-_2Ywcq01-No5YAU2vh_otTxH-ZdfZlB5CtXiazAFT6q_TY4F77VeRC5K9UCY/s1600/Shing+Really+Wants+Karaoke.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbUdwjEHLomOVgG2wgQn-CHw5ykzITPMwCt6jzn2yJZN8WkG6BclJccaentgBEFvjyTmRScKDXXP_PWN-_2Ywcq01-No5YAU2vh_otTxH-ZdfZlB5CtXiazAFT6q_TY4F77VeRC5K9UCY/s320/Shing+Really+Wants+Karaoke.png" width="320" /></a></div>
Well, of course.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> As you can see, it's not really a very good movie. But it works as a mildly amusing WTF laden distraction for an otherwise slow night.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-50070064550377466052011-09-28T20:43:00.000-07:002018-02-28T19:01:18.710-08:00Movie Review: Devil Fetus<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Hong Kong cinema is nothing if not inventive! Sometimes a low
budget, a tight schedule, or other restrictions can lead to some really
creative movie making in Chinese movies. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
For example, a lot of quickly
produced low-budget kung fu movies from the '70s had skilled martial
artists but little money for props, special effects, or
convincing-looking weapons. A unique film aesthetic developed from this
that I like to call the <i>make-anything-a-weapon film technique</i>.
Two combatants would be fighting on the mostly empty movie set. The
first would pick up whatever is at hand, let's say a chair, and suddenly
he's wielding the chair like a pro, whirling it around his head and
using it to “chair” his opponent violently through the window. The
opponent lands hard, right next to a garden hose, which he picks up and
whips around like he's been training with hoses all his life. His enemy
gets “hosed” with extreme prejudice until he crashes into a passing
badger, which he picks up . . . well, you get the picture. <b><i>Whatever will they use next as a weapon?</i></b> becomes a big part of the fun of watching this kind of thing.</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Devil Fetus</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.7 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>2.5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Devil Fetus</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFbO8jYNLKtRwdzd2ezX9DffxdlOeJcnT2jMkBMlCDbnboeJMtm-JevYFb3Ms6qmJ8UOSzjlNZbtZhKnyVV3RYpiG3Q0ypCQFnvQTufCiznveo5wGrAvuqQh_g3w6E4zlU4okY9zhKrk/s1600/devil+fetus+small+cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFbO8jYNLKtRwdzd2ezX9DffxdlOeJcnT2jMkBMlCDbnboeJMtm-JevYFb3Ms6qmJ8UOSzjlNZbtZhKnyVV3RYpiG3Q0ypCQFnvQTufCiznveo5wGrAvuqQh_g3w6E4zlU4okY9zhKrk/s200/devil+fetus+small+cover.jpg" width="173" /></a></div>
<br /></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Liu Hung Chuen</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Shirley Lui, Ngaai Dik, Lo Pooi Pooi, Lau Dan, Ho Pak-Kwong</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">1983</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Deltamac / Fortunestar VCD 7082)</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
</div>
<br />
What does this have to do with <i>Devil Fetus</i>? This film brilliantly takes the <i>make-anything-a-weapon film technique</i> of a low-budget kung fu movie, but adapts it for the horror movie genre, inventing its own <i>make-anything-be-"haunted" technique</i>. From <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilo.html#perspective" target="_blank">the Gweilo's perspective</a>, this makes for enormous fun! You will spend most of the movie wondering <b><i>Whatever will turn out to be “haunted” next?</i></b> A haunted car? Check. A haunted dog? Check. A haunted fetus? Well, obviously! A haunted steam room with moving walls? OK, sure. A haunted bedroom set? Now that's just silly! A haunted dog-entrail-eating cousin-raping teenage boy? Wait, WTF kind of movie am I watching?!<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<i>Devil Fetus</i> begins when a woman, <b><i>for no reason at all</i></b>, buys a jade vase for $2500 at an open air auction that she just happens to be passing. (Yes, the jade vase turns out to be haunted. Most of the objects in this movie eventually do.) Notice my emphasis on “for no reason at all.” That's basically this whole movie's go-to character motivation. That evening, she takes the vase to bed with her. Why? <i>For no reason at all!</i> And then the vase turns into the creature from the black lagoon and rapes her. Why? <i>Because it's haunted!</i> “Because it's haunted” is the movie's second (and only) other explanation for why stuff happens. Getting raped by the creature from the black lagoon makes the woman fall in love with the vase. <i>For no reason at all!</i><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>It's fun to imagine the film's director, Liu Hung Chuen, walking around the set of <i>Devil Fetus</i> with a special coin, one side reading “For no reason at all!” and the other “Because it's haunted!”</b> When anyone asked him about any of the plot holes, motivation gaps, or other things that make no sense in this movie, he'd flip the coin and angrily shout his answer. It probably didn't really happen this way, but I'd like to believe it did.<br />
<br />
The woman's husband gets very jealous of his wife's affair with the haunted vase, so he smashes it, which turns out to be very bad for his complexion.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
And why exactly does smashing a jade vase give you a sudden outbreak of worm-infested acne in <i>Devil Fetus</i>? Flip the coin. Either answer will do.<br />
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In desperation, or because he's haunted (or probably because his face is now super ugly and worm infested) the husband leaps to his death. The wife is now in mourning, but she's also pregnant with the jade vase's haunted fetus, the devil fetus of the movie's title. But then <i>she also jumps to her death</i> when a haunted cat (!?) spooks her. You might imagine that this would be the end of the movie. The haunted vase is gone, the main characters are dead, and the “devil fetus” is presumably dead as well. But no! The haunted fetus breaks out of his dead mother's womb at the funeral. And<i> for no reason at all</i>, <b>nobody at the funeral freaks out about this.</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<i>For no reason at all</i>, the devil fetus keeps a low profile until 10 years later. Then the fetus starts haunting everything in sight. Including cake. Mmmm, haunted cake! OK, truth be told, the movie gets very, very silly at this point. Here's a haunted car:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGvLdhGBQUrx2r3hooTuJROXEo4r2HhkQS_If99w7KaoieBZTJGS7SWRBCPJTQEEdSoT_FswA8FDKdQgef6MqUNMZXUw6HOXjuF7aKO1bdg2qt5kLTTxJRteWz1nvmzrNaKBFoNNs-8qM/s1600/Haunted+Car+Devil+Fetus.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGvLdhGBQUrx2r3hooTuJROXEo4r2HhkQS_If99w7KaoieBZTJGS7SWRBCPJTQEEdSoT_FswA8FDKdQgef6MqUNMZXUw6HOXjuF7aKO1bdg2qt5kLTTxJRteWz1nvmzrNaKBFoNNs-8qM/s400/Haunted+Car+Devil+Fetus.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You can tell it's haunted because of the "ghost" on it!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And a haunted rug:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Bd7M6A-BFvLYMMkjoJjoaDa9467f2OdirfVMZoQVziHo2a-ue95s-uFldXr6j-uIXyMccmQR9eIUmHAO4vq8KwEbYXy9_pqweRiT8TWMA8T2sqxeGl4TOs6oWLNzyKHezXPfLJYAUZc/s1600/Haunted+Rug+Devil+Fetus.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Bd7M6A-BFvLYMMkjoJjoaDa9467f2OdirfVMZoQVziHo2a-ue95s-uFldXr6j-uIXyMccmQR9eIUmHAO4vq8KwEbYXy9_pqweRiT8TWMA8T2sqxeGl4TOs6oWLNzyKHezXPfLJYAUZc/s400/Haunted+Rug+Devil+Fetus.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's right, a haunted rug!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Eventually, a Taoist priest gets involved to fight the various haunted things, and we are treated to a magical fight scene that is particularly bizarre and spectacular even by Hong Kong's standards, complete with cheesy CGI special effects that look like they were created on a Pong game.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZno6dErK36swlK-5TiSBlj7qyHmauQbdHA8g7I2R8AGtGXcdInKyj8ciHSbII_f2tEsiVZwrHqR_q-7CjEiUJQIAOuXEp7kPCgMVOV7H4N1IVhn2qznhSU4R4WnwUU1A9T6s_AUshewY/s1600/Taoist+Priest+Devil+Fetus.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZno6dErK36swlK-5TiSBlj7qyHmauQbdHA8g7I2R8AGtGXcdInKyj8ciHSbII_f2tEsiVZwrHqR_q-7CjEiUJQIAOuXEp7kPCgMVOV7H4N1IVhn2qznhSU4R4WnwUU1A9T6s_AUshewY/s400/Taoist+Priest+Devil+Fetus.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting ready to bring on the silly</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The movie concludes with a haunted monster. Who gets beheaded. Then gets beheaded. Then gets beheaded. Then gets beheaded. Then gets beheaded.<br />
<br />
<br />
Why does it need to get beheaded <i>five times in a row</i>? Flip the coin. Flip the coin.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> The high <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html#mst3k">MST3K factor</a> of this movie makes it a definite must-see. Recommended!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-19544971543336168282011-09-25T21:24:00.000-07:002018-02-28T19:01:50.750-08:00Movie Review: 9th SeptemberAt Gweilo's Guide, we celebrate what makes Chinese movies weird and fresh and unusual from the gweilo's perspective. Random, nonsensical film-making strategies are a big part of the fun here. That's the whole point of the WTF meter. <br />
<div style="-moz-border-radius: 15px 15px 15px 15px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(240, 240, 122); border: 4px solid rgb(153, 17, 68); padding: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>9th September</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left; width: 80%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>1.5 out of 5</b></td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
<table border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" style="text-align: left; width: 100%;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">9th September</td>
<td colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9VNaOoFZ72lZulmJg4UNz5yGSV0XpgAdluc2frPjEDhwtRH2omGvnuM7zX3wzJySRMS77ShSs_3kXsJQlmB7cnwUwn6kixH_puT_Q23eE49Z0p1luKWbNzCXN4ngLp4Z2jocFBRkNQkg/s1600/9thseptembercoverscansmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9VNaOoFZ72lZulmJg4UNz5yGSV0XpgAdluc2frPjEDhwtRH2omGvnuM7zX3wzJySRMS77ShSs_3kXsJQlmB7cnwUwn6kixH_puT_Q23eE49Z0p1luKWbNzCXN4ngLp4Z2jocFBRkNQkg/s200/9thseptembercoverscansmall.jpg" width="177" /></a></div>
<br /></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Lam Chin Wai</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Michael Chow Man-Kin, Simon Loui Yu-Yeung, Anita Lee Yuen-Wa</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">2000
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">VCD (Universe VCD 2259)</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</div>
<br />
However, as any B-movie fan will tell you, the weirdness can pile up to a point where it stops being amusingly weird, and it starts being just weird weird, in a bad way. A movie can get random to the point where it’s difficult to make any sense of it at all. <i>9th September</i> boldly pushes past this boundary within the first few minutes of the film without even breaking a sweat. In fact, <i>9th September</i> sets out to discover if there's an even farther boundary, where the accumulated weirdness hits a kind of critical mass, and turns good again. <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
I'll give you a rundown of the first five minutes of the movie so you can understand what I'm talking about. A baby is born in a kind of tense panic (the woman's water breaks while she's on the way to the hospital). It doesn't matter, though, because we never see these people again! Instead, a narrator tells us that it's certainly very weird and unlucky to be born on September 9th. (If that's your birthday, sorry!) While the narrator's talking, we see a hiker named Ken Chow climbing a mountain, then screaming loudly for no apparent reason at all (<i>Joie de vivre</i>?) with a big, goofy smile on his face. While he happily screams like an idiot, the scene cuts to some partially mummified corpses. So was it supposed to be a scream of horror? Apparently not, because the hiker, who was so full of life and screams, is now apparently just as full of urine. He starts peeing vigorously from his mountain ledge, causing two other hikers on the trail below him to remark that it's started raining, then getting <i>pissed off</i> (sorry) when they realize the truth. <br />
<br />
Peeing on those hikers sets in motion a rapid-fire sequence of events that results in Ken falling hundreds of feet down a cliff in an avalanche (which he survives!), and grabbing a skull. Grabbing the skull <i>somehow</i> causes the nearby stone pillars to <i>explode</i>, releasing two 1980's style disco demons from a rock (they look like extras from a Cindi Lauper music video). The 1980's disco demons start to dance, fly about, and <i>pose</i>. While this would have made very little sense in the 1980's, it makes even less sense in 2000, which is when <i>9th September</i> was made. This posturing is followed by a sudden stampede of dozens of people through this remote, empty landscape who weren't there a moment before, then some very improbable kung fu, a foursome of "ghostly" children chanting nursery rhymes, and so on.<br />
<br />
<br />
OK, that's the first 5 minutes. One of the "ghostly" children hangs around and sums up the opening scene of the movie this way:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Ezj4eTB3gulOTArsLFhZ99GEcxepyxJ_S3qpwVKWjYAntAGZ9NCyOY-Mqg16v-bNFa-M93ZyiWdD0bE1PaUvCMIrbgAy8osyMrNmlZTE1NbxYNYpMHRSxGDFl30sSaltWndr1VlJlxw/s1600/Ken+Chow+has+weird+exeperience.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Ezj4eTB3gulOTArsLFhZ99GEcxepyxJ_S3qpwVKWjYAntAGZ9NCyOY-Mqg16v-bNFa-M93ZyiWdD0bE1PaUvCMIrbgAy8osyMrNmlZTE1NbxYNYpMHRSxGDFl30sSaltWndr1VlJlxw/s320/Ken+Chow+has+weird+exeperience.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't agree more!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
But this movie is only warming up. As it unfolds, we are introduced to Michael, a celebrity, superstar bartender. Yes, dear viewer, the world of <i>9th September</i> apparently has famous, celebrity, superstar bartenders. This one is extremely famous for his excellent method of “shaking wine.” He's also the same guy as Ken Chow, but never mind that. More interestingly, he has the ability to travel into the future and back again(!) But for some reason this special ability only confuses him, and when he uses his special ability, he uses it really, really stupidly. <br />
<br />
For example, at one point he learns the next day’s winning lottery numbers. But he doesn't do what you or I would do with this information. Instead of buying a lottery ticket he tells the winning number to a friend. Of course the friend neglects to buy a ticket. OK. Meanwhile there's dance scenes, scenes of acrobatic acts, and some weird scene of a guy looking at knives, all of them spliced haphazardly into the movie. Along with this comes a generous helping of mafioso gangsters, night club owners, car crashes, a machete wielding lunatic concubine, a mysterious vaudeville performer/Taoist priest, a violently sexy (sexily violent?) female ghost, and so much more.<br />
<br />
That's already enough to ping the WTF meter. In fact, it might be too much. There's so much weird in this movie, coming at you so fast, that it becomes something of a challenge to appreciate all of it (or appreciate it at all). What brings this to the next level though, is the extremely sloppy (or brilliant?) editing.<br />
<br />
The strange editing only gets stranger as this Chinese movie progresses. For example, in the middle of a fight scene, they suddenly cut to a stage and introduce someone’s acrobat act, which we see for a bit before going back to the fight. What's more, if you keep a sharp eye out, eventually you start to recognize duplicate clips from other parts of the movie, interspersed where they don’t belong. You might be thinking “Wow, that sounds like some really sloppy film editing!” and you'd probably be right. However, I choose to believe that this was intentional, that director Lam Chin Wai was going for some kind of Avant-garde confusing-time-travel-aesthetic in the editing and presentation of <i>9th September</i>. Think about it: It's a movie where the protagonist starts traveling in time, and is very confused by what's happening. How better to make your audience live that experience than to randomly splice the film itself together!<br />
<br />
Yeah, that's probably a stretch.<br />
<br />
<b>Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review:</b> For most people, <i>9th September</i> will only suck. From the Gweilo's perspective, however, it's well worth the experiment.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-18159669251113461982011-09-24T23:00:00.000-07:002011-11-26T23:40:50.993-08:00Movie Review: Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom FlameThe main focus of Gweilo's Guide is the extremely zany Hong Kong films of the 80s and 90s. I don't review a whole lot of current Hong Kong movies. But <i>Detective Dee</i> is an exception since it's directed by Tsui Hark, a veteran of the golden era and a true master of extremely silly movie-making. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for <i>Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!</span>
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<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Category</b></td>
<td style="background-color: #991144; color: white; text-align: center; vertical-align: top;"><b>Rating</b></td>
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<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></td>
<td style="color: purple; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4.5 of 5</b></td>
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<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></td>
<td style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>4 of 5</b></td>
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<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></td>
<td style="color: red; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;"><b>3.5 of 5</b></td>
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</tbody>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">What do these numbers mean?</a> </span></div>
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<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Chinese Movie</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame</td>
<td ;="" colspan="1" rowspan="5" style="text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR_YDU60DMLWx6_WNfEA_iEJhanPK79CN4-G0u_Kw1TiOfpIERBVczMWwianzLgIIcr4SRcxQAw7yHi1npJc-rTI2XBiHNpE2fmOBYKKek1rL4p4_SW18qA28KTu7JBBGE58GnfMMSJaU/s1600/detectivedee.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR_YDU60DMLWx6_WNfEA_iEJhanPK79CN4-G0u_Kw1TiOfpIERBVczMWwianzLgIIcr4SRcxQAw7yHi1npJc-rTI2XBiHNpE2fmOBYKKek1rL4p4_SW18qA28KTu7JBBGE58GnfMMSJaU/s200/detectivedee.jpeg" width="145" /></a></div>
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<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Director</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Tsui Hark</td>
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<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Actors</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">Andy Lau, Li Bing Bing, Chao Deng, Carina Lau,Tony Leung Ka-Fai</td>
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<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Year</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">2010</td>
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<td ;="" style="background-color: #991144; color: white; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; vertical-align: middle;" width="20%">Format Viewed</td>
<td ;="" style="background-color: #dddddd; vertical-align: middle;" width="60%">In the Theater!
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<br />
<i>Detective Dee</i> is delightfully absurd. The main “secret” weapon used by the bad guys in this movie is … actually, before I tell you, try to guess. Really. Run <i>anything</i> that could be an evil force's main weapon through your mind, no matter how unlikely. I'll tell you what it actually is at the end of this review. But you'll never guess. In the mean time, I'll run down a few scenes and features of this film that definitely make <i>Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame</i> worth watching from the Gweilo's perspective. <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Perhaps the script, in its entirety, made sense to Tsui Hark while he was making <i>Detective Dee</i>. If so, he may be unique. The plot is convoluted and complicated, involving lots of crossing and double-crossing and triple-crossing. Also, there's a “technique” that seemed to be all the rage in 689 A.D. which allowed one to entirely transform one's appearance by sticking two acupuncture pins behind the ears. For the viewer, this means that people you think are separate characters might actually turn out to be the same person. If you are paying careful attention to all the crossing and double-crossing, which is admittedly hard to do, you might find that one of the (double) characters <i>actually double-crosses themselves</i>.<br />
<br />
Which is awesome, because it's definitely one of the most creative plot holes you are likely to encounter.<br />
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The sheer audacity of the plot's density and confusion is one of the funnest things about this film. It gives you a lot to wonder about. For example, it makes you wonder who Tsui Hark thought would be watching this movie. If someone on set said “Hey, Hark, this plot seems really confusing,” did he say “My audience are geniuses; they'll figure it out!” or did he say “My audience are morons; they'll never notice because everything is confusing to them!”<br />
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<i>Detective Dee</i> concerns the rise and coronation of Wu Zetian in 689 A.D., the Tang dynasty's first and only female emperor. This is a potentially serious subject, but don't worry; Tsui Hark is on the job.<br />
<br />
By the way, it's interesting that the Chinese continually announce the year using “A.D.” in the imperial court at a time when China had its own perfectly good calendar, and <i>before the whole “A.D.” thing was widely known in Europe,</i> let alone China. <br />
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But don't worry too much about the plot, or details like this, because there's tons of very improbable fight scenes to keep you distracted. For example, while traipsing through a kind of underground sewer system chasing after a wise physician known as “Dr. Donkey Wang”, everyone is suddenly attacked by big telephone poles that fly out of the sewer water. Their attacker turns out to be the main spiritual leader of the empire who dresses (unexpectedly!) like he's in the Spanish Inquisition. This spiritual leader is no Pope or Dalai Lama though. No, <i>this</i> guy likes to hang out deep underwater in sewers, and has the ability to hurl telephone poles up out of the depths, a dozen at a time, with enough force to capsize a boat. Try to do that, Benedict XVI!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdZMbRQX09HdDKPk3hABz3g-T0c2wh3L-hBW7I5_Q1G0HK9vndzCuR6wngHtouFGInDKdytoLY5Ed-C2VKuUGTkgu22KK07NXEoT0P5NZh-RJbx10pa1rGLgI3DMPACPU01Vqpz3FASew/s1600/spanishinquisitionfight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdZMbRQX09HdDKPk3hABz3g-T0c2wh3L-hBW7I5_Q1G0HK9vndzCuR6wngHtouFGInDKdytoLY5Ed-C2VKuUGTkgu22KK07NXEoT0P5NZh-RJbx10pa1rGLgI3DMPACPU01Vqpz3FASew/s400/spanishinquisitionfight.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition (to launch telephone poles at you in a sewer)!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The same fight scene with the improbable telephone-pole-hurling Spanish inquisitor also includes a fight against robots. Yes, robots. Except these robots look like a combination between the <i>Terminator</i> robot and the French cartoon character Astrix. They've got swords and shields and funny little viking hats and lots of gears. <i>But wait!</i> you say. <i>This movie is set in 689 A.D. There wouldn't be any robots back then!</i><br />
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Don't worry, dear viewer, Tsui Hark is right with you on this! The main character, after fighting the robots for a while, suddenly gets a really confused (but thoughtful) look on his face. You can almost read his mind: <i>But wait!</i> he's thinking. <i>This movie is set in 689 A.D. There wouldn't be any robots back then, er, I mean, right now!</i> So he looks up, craftily, <i>above</i> the robots, and he discovers a ledge where some dark-clad figures are busy jerking around dozens of strands of fishing line. These aren't robots he's fighting! They are <b>marionettes</b>! Armed with this knowledge, he applies it right away. He cuts the wires to end the “robot” menace, as the puppeteers conveniently leap to their deaths from the ledge in frustrated suicidal dedication to their craft.<br />
<br />
In case you were wondering, Tsui Hark never does get around to explaining why any able-bodied person would choose to fight someone <i>via marionette</i> in the first place. All your strength and dexterity would be spent in lifting up the heavy, metallic puppet on its wires, and making it move convincingly. If you insist on dangling stuff from strings as a fighting strategy, why not dangle just the marionette's sword? Or a heavy iron ball with spikes sticking out of it? Or a hand grenade? (Yeah, Detective Dee has a holy hand grenade at one point!) Or, if you're so well concealed above your foe, why don't you just shoot him with an arrow or drop the sword on his head instead of <i>dangling stuff at him!</i>? <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjMVpsQJvZYTZ_WpPCMmU7HicaBGeNnrYMwV9rY9SA_x0QqgskUsXt4lEXHajqZihsXzV6diRWttnlM-bPVtgz1Cml5jhoJrVKFr_f9u13d-WNPUP6EzFWlGDvbOr_0gj4a-rCDlEo3jY/s1600/samplecomicbookfacepunch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjMVpsQJvZYTZ_WpPCMmU7HicaBGeNnrYMwV9rY9SA_x0QqgskUsXt4lEXHajqZihsXzV6diRWttnlM-bPVtgz1Cml5jhoJrVKFr_f9u13d-WNPUP6EzFWlGDvbOr_0gj4a-rCDlEo3jY/s320/samplecomicbookfacepunch.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Comic Book Punch</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>More weirdness:</b> There is a <i>talking deer</i> who advises the empress, his mouth sounding out the words with corny CGI. Anton Chekov famously said that if you show a gun in the first act of a play, you'd better have it go off in the second or third act. Tsui Hark apparently took this to heart, <i>but with the deer</i>. We see the deer <i>talking</i> in the early part of the movie, sure, but by the third act we get the deer (and his herd posse) <i>doing kung fu</i>. Detective Dee wins this fight by punching the deer right in the face. This is definitely a highlight of the film! There's something inherently funny about the classic, comic book punch in the face, the big wind-up round-house punch right to the jaw that sends the punchee flying over backwards. It's a staple of action comics and corny action movies. But I bet you've never seen it happen to Bambi's mom!<br />
<br />
The movie also features a gigantic statue of the Buddha towering over the Imperial city. It is described as “66 yards high”. Apparently in 689 A.D. “66 yards” was some kind of well-known code for “at least a mile.” In fact, the statue is so improbably large compared to the city it's in, you will wonder if the height wasn't the result of some kind of dare at the CGI firm. I mean, this statue completely dwarfs all the 19th-century clipper ships that fill the harbor of this 7th-century city!<br />
<br />
Are you ready to learn the main weapon of the bad guys? It's <i>spontaneous combustion</i>. I bet you didn't guess that.<br />
<br />
Oh, and the mile-high Buddha statue is another secret weapon, but I bet you saw that one coming.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-84764138694963698742011-09-22T15:25:00.000-07:002011-11-25T12:48:35.124-08:00What Do the Ratings Mean?<span style="font-size: large;">Gweilo's Guide uses 3 different categories to rate individual movies:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="color: purple;">
<a name="wtf"><span style="font-size: large;">WTF Meter</span></div></a>
The <b>WTF Meter</b> is the overall level of weirdness, surprise, and delightful confusion, from the gweilo's perspective. If you are a gweilo, it a measure of how often you will say "What The F#ck?!" while watching this film, usually in shocked amazement and wonder. Weird plot twists that make no sense, seemingly crazy film editing decisions, dialog (poorly translated or not) that would be bizarre in any context: All these things can contribute to the overall WTF level.<br />
<br />
I'm talking about moments when you wonder <i>How in the world did this movie ever get made in the first place?,</i> but you're really, really happy that it did, because they make the film so refreshingly <i>different</i>.<br />
<br />
Please note, from the <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilo.html#perspective">gweilo's perspective</a>, a high score on the WTF Meter is a <b>Very Good Thing </b>indeed! If you grew up with Hollywood, then a formulaic Hollywood movie would only ever score a zero or one on this scale. If there <i>are</i> formulas that produced some of the wilder examples of WTF on this website, I don't want to know them! I'd rather just be delighted with the result!<br />
<br />
<a name="mst3k"><span style="color: #783f04; font-size: large;">MST3K-Ability</span></a>
Fans of B-Movies know exactly what this one is about. Based on the venerable and masterful <a href="http://www.mst3kinfo.com/mstfaq/basics.html" target="_blank">Mystery Science Theater 3000</a>, the <b>MST3K-Ability</b> number is a gauge of how easily you can watch this movie with friends and amuse yourselves by talking back to the movie, creating a running commentary by wondering aloud what they were thinking, basically riffing off what you see on the screen. If this makes no sense to you, track down any single episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and you'll get it right away.<br />
<br />
Sometimes a movie is the perfect straight man. It sets up such weird, zany, leaden, or awkward moments on the screen that the jokes just write themselves. A movie that scores high on MST3K-Ability will turn even the dimmest, dullest <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilo.html">gweilo viewer</a> into a witty, riffing genius. Such a film is perfect to watch together with friends for your mutual delight, or by yourself (if you like to hear yourself talk and you laugh at your own jokes).<br />
<br />
You might think that the <span style="color: #783f04;">MST3K-Ability</span> score and the <span style="color: purple;">WTF Meter</span> score would be pretty similar, but this isn't the case. Sometimes a film is so WTF weird that your jaw just hangs open in amazement, and there's really nothing to say. Sometimes a film's unique qualities aren't over the top in the WTF sense, but still provide perfect fodder for delightful contemplation and conversation.<br />
<br />
<div style="color: red;">
<a name="overall"><span style="font-size: large;">OVERALL QUALITY</span></a> </div>
This is a rating of how good the film is by "conventional" standards. Things like good acting, good directing, good cinematography, and having a good script all play into this. It's the closest thing to a normal rating that this site has to offer, but it's also the least interesting of the three in my opinion. Remember that this site is more about appreciating how <i>different</i> these films can be from the normal standards of Hollywood.<br />
<br />
But if you've never seen a Hong Kong movie before, and you want to start with one that's "good" in the conventional sense, this number is for you.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-346311149209241992011-09-21T14:12:00.000-07:002011-10-31T11:17:08.865-07:00What is Gweilo's Guide?<style type="text/css">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Are movies sometimes boring and predictable to you?</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp5Hu9SZOBQvvR_k4kMTnyFF2onKAysZI-PXPhbnLdVzNXNhYHZK0cj_V5yq3m1_yWVuz_z-h_-HvhTsfLHF694GeA-qDCFUH7WbkQS34xLXQ8SGEML63dQRqE9mY52Qbur7r-HVExu04/s1600/sleepingaudience.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp5Hu9SZOBQvvR_k4kMTnyFF2onKAysZI-PXPhbnLdVzNXNhYHZK0cj_V5yq3m1_yWVuz_z-h_-HvhTsfLHF694GeA-qDCFUH7WbkQS34xLXQ8SGEML63dQRqE9mY52Qbur7r-HVExu04/s200/sleepingaudience.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching yet another Hollywood Movie</td></tr>
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<br />
I like movies. But I also get bored with movies pretty
easily. This can be a problem, because once you've seen a few
Hollywood romantic comedies, or road movies, or action movies, or
horror movies, or <i>whatever</i>, you start to feel
like you've seen them all.
<br />
<br />
Hollywood has a certain number of film genres that they
do. Sometimes they do them well. Sometimes they do them
poorly. But after watching your dozenth Hollywood flick in your
favorite genre, you might start to wonder . . . Is that all there
is? Will I ever see anything surprising, or unusual, or fresh
and new in a movie ever again?
<br />
<br />
That's where I was. And then I discovered Hong Kong cinema.
It was love at first sight.<br />
<br />
This is because, from the <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-is-gweilo.html">Gweilo's perspective</a>, Hong Kong films
are much weirder, cooler, fresher, more daring, and more interesting
than Hollywood tripe.<br />
<br />
This is also because <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/hong-kong-vs-hollywood.html">Hong Kong totally kicks Hollywood's ass</a>.<br />
<br />
Gweilo's Guide provides lengthy, in-depth <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/p/review-list-sorted-by-title.html">reviews</a> of Hong Kong movies. In addition to evaluating the individual films, the reviews aim to get the average, Hollywood-fed movie fan excited about this cool cinematic world.<br />
<br />
Each film that is reviewed is given an <b>Overall</b> score, an <b>MST3K-ability</b> score, and a score on the <b>WTF Meter</b>. Click <a href="http://www.gweilosguide.com/2011/09/what-do-ratings-mean.html">here</a> to find out more about what the ratings mean.<br />
<br />
Enjoy a whole new world of movies!Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-44178536871079033062011-09-21T14:10:00.000-07:002011-10-31T11:15:29.118-07:00Hong Kong vs. Hollywood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="Hong Kong Vs. Hollywood" border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQ8iz2d8pIZIdt_XYmqtEoxxwghWue_iSnjB2w2ie1oDu4CxNdeNvyUybM9K6JSokPzy5pHekYlm-v0eaKRWOzhmoSsepG7hvt0evkISS2Nimj14aiRYDl-BAw9C26th7b_9AsoUE_NoM/s320/Hong_Kong_Vs_Hollywood.jpg" width="320" /></div>
Just like Hollywood in the US (and Bombay in India), <b>Hong Kong is a huge, international center of film production</b>. At its height in the 1980's and 90's, Hong Kong became the third largest film production city in the world.<br />
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Round 1: Genre Salad</h3>
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUQ-J4utq56ljZSNObLynxCkOWhdzjr4ZlpReeAXi9XNhWiIqECyRSuKPA5TYj2hC4nhP7c9QqegXZRLRiUKXtywK1sVvkuPqVn0igU5b3XtS3_X8lptf0Dwki7IQCnGwlcwHKTxEtjU/s1600/round+1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" />But <b>Hong Kong isn't Hollywood</b>, and that's the first thing that makes these movies so awesome from the perspective of an average American guy who grew up with Hollywood's formulas.<br />
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You'll find movies that will seem at first like horror movies, or romantic comedies, but don't worry! They quickly turn into a lovely and confusing bastard hybrid of genres that is much, much stranger, and more wonderful. Where else can you find a serious, sappy, sentimental, violent, action, buddy film, with what-the-fuck cinematography, stylized gun-play, and unlikely kung fu? Where else can you find a horror, comedy, romantic, new year's, suspense drama with well-choreographed fight scenes? And musical numbers?!!<br />
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There are good reasons for this genre salad: Chinese culture has its own deep and rich cultural history with very different kinds of stories than you find in Western culture. Hong Kong film makers are steeped in this culture, and draw heavily from this culture, but they also attempt to position their films for an international audience that was mostly familiar with Hollywood. Add in Hong Kong's liminal status as a British colony during its film heyday, and you have a recipe for amazing cultural hybrids.<br />
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But the bottom line here for the Western movie fan: <b>Prepare to be amazed at what film genres can do when they leave the safe confines of Hollywood!</b><br />
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Round 2: Weirder Established Genres</h3>
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOmvk7rFMolc_-cA0vQN3o7qUC-fUhRj1vd0GXkAK3lUtw34Edzb2MWqYkCMS1BdCbqWx3z4Mta1lCxYJRNcIHLHRN2EQKn1Sm_uf6Km0Q308YfyfLpK0fon0GjJaC9sry-11PXsqR098/s1600/round+2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" />What emerged are a set of <b>genres that are distinctly Hong Kong</b>. But they are <i>much weirder</i> than boring old Hollywood genres, and therefore much more <i>interesting</i> and <i>refreshing</i>.<br />
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For example, Hong Kong cinema has established genres like <i>Hopping Vampire movies</i>. Try to find “Hopping Vampire” on Netflix's genre list, or on a shelf sign in your local video shop.<br />
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And it gets better. Just like in Hollywood, these genres have sub-genres. Except in Hong Kong, the sub-genres are things like <i>Baby Hopping Vampire</i> movies, <i>Musical Hopping Vampire</i> movies, and <i>Exploding Hopping Vampire</i> movies. Seriously. <br />
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Round 3: Hong Kong Filmmakers Kick Ass</h3>
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPr_WKLknYrXe1M5sjk9sk6FuOz8Lb8oFcDW9MwquPcckcQXXTtrueVUYHWFJHmZSa4xQfEFDzYmYVO7-lTIWANtyFcW9LWET_LL2hiFNqVSxRRZjIBKJKHaVwSHbE5dpzwP8GjiDe-k/s1600/round+3.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" />The most important thing that makes these movies so cool is that Hong Kong totally kicks Hollywood's ass!<br />
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Especially in its heyday in the '80s and '90s, Hong Kong film makers were <b>far more adventurous</b>, far <b>less restrained</b> by convention, and <b>much more willing to take risks</b> than their Hollywood counterparts.Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2415919454876006658.post-76377457463266379842011-09-21T13:35:00.000-07:002011-10-31T11:09:29.962-07:00What is a Gweilo?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUk-wmzCyNwsL3AyVzlfKjaQZvCFgVljhUoM1j7xgCVIq_Vs-OIvBDQTHErr3rrLSD1IeAd2sqzzc_kpvKL7k3QQHvpO5FGi7zotGo3EnYkeS2cbQbB-BdUWVlgt661aXjjWiKCXsuLEo/s1600/gweilocharacters.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="85" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUk-wmzCyNwsL3AyVzlfKjaQZvCFgVljhUoM1j7xgCVIq_Vs-OIvBDQTHErr3rrLSD1IeAd2sqzzc_kpvKL7k3QQHvpO5FGi7zotGo3EnYkeS2cbQbB-BdUWVlgt661aXjjWiKCXsuLEo/s320/gweilocharacters.gif" width="168" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ghost Man"</td></tr>
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"Gweilo" is a Cantonese term that translates literally as "Ghost Man," although it's sometimes translated as "foreign devil."<br />
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It's a word for "foreigner" (much like "gringo" in Spanish or "gaijin" in Japanese). The "ghost" part refers to the weird, death-like, unearthly paleness of Europeans. Its origins are somewhat derogatory, but it's not particularly bad any more.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidRAEvQ8uJnikBdg8_7Om0P_jnrIhJI2ZU9BeMrig_G4v1fvRSxPYns8EGrXdKtTrWdROIocQSU-rFMyu-x9YeuS8QRNOCdnwTE142FfqkiKjiUP0fNso2lOI3QJ46sBbWSXgxr0rwhqo/s1600/gweilofootprints.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="61" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidRAEvQ8uJnikBdg8_7Om0P_jnrIhJI2ZU9BeMrig_G4v1fvRSxPYns8EGrXdKtTrWdROIocQSU-rFMyu-x9YeuS8QRNOCdnwTE142FfqkiKjiUP0fNso2lOI3QJ46sBbWSXgxr0rwhqo/s400/gweilofootprints.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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I am a gweilo. Definitely. As a random pale-skinned American dude who is a fan of Hong Kong cinema, I'm a gweilo in every sense of the word.<br />
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<a name="perspective">And that totally defines my perspective on these movies.</a> I love, respect, and appreciate Hong Kong cinema because, from my gweilo's perspective, it is so much weirder and refreshing and <i>different from</i> the Hollywood stuff what I grew up with.<br />
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There are some excellent resources out there on the web for looking at Hong Kong movies. Many of these resources are created by Hong Kong natives, or Chinese people, or Chinese/Americans, Chinese/Europeans, Chinese/etc. From that perspective, Hong Kong films are just films, Hong Kong cinema is just cinema.<br />
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From the gweilo's perspective though, Hong Kong movies are seriously off-the-charts WTF weird, in the most wonderful and refreshing way possible.<br />
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I'm here to share that perspective, to capture the freshness of seeing these films from the outsider's perspective.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-size: large;">Fun Fact:</span><br />
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Any Western (non-Chinese) actor who had a role in a Hong Kong movie was always referred to on set as a Gweilo as well.<br />
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They almost always played evil, bumbling bad guys. For example, this evil gweilo about to shoot a baby in <i>Aces Go Places IV</i>:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTWh8zv5luyUSEZqjqtklbYBwwgeQ6ftVnqeSnqRf_q03XNaJFHc67EffUX9GPW5oira_wmi9Kx1TiAi7EZalTNF0ed-UWVthXRAfGl4bYrN3sm-c3GZT1DBJALUn6ucemowgy6OyuDHI/s1600/vlcsnap-2011-09-24-00h18m57s6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTWh8zv5luyUSEZqjqtklbYBwwgeQ6ftVnqeSnqRf_q03XNaJFHc67EffUX9GPW5oira_wmi9Kx1TiAi7EZalTNF0ed-UWVthXRAfGl4bYrN3sm-c3GZT1DBJALUn6ucemowgy6OyuDHI/s320/vlcsnap-2011-09-24-00h18m57s6.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bwa ha ha ha! I shoot babies!</td></tr>
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Because they are bumbling as well as evil, they pretty much always get their asses handed to them. <br />
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Here's a Gweilo in a remarkably bad wig getting kicked in the nuts by Jackie Chan in <i>Armour of God</i>:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin2qtfu6WDoMN3ng-2BqgBrXns-HipeLJpTRdRZC6nheXy307nXhTDR1l7imu5YC-SkWGlo2iMnRUF0js_0X5gPW19FtUGEXCqgYASCOE58FLUqrikDQY9A8XIFYVO4vnOTFj3Sga9jdU/s1600/gweilovsjackiechannutkick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin2qtfu6WDoMN3ng-2BqgBrXns-HipeLJpTRdRZC6nheXy307nXhTDR1l7imu5YC-SkWGlo2iMnRUF0js_0X5gPW19FtUGEXCqgYASCOE58FLUqrikDQY9A8XIFYVO4vnOTFj3Sga9jdU/s320/gweilovsjackiechannutkick.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ouch!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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And here's legendary Gweilo John Ladalski, about to get his ass kicked:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSNUIwFHqYRAQs9o20xyxWltMs8UUtahq38l2TXIqGjU_fXH65Wabjo2XkzCPBQjqwgOyQbNjdxKT4kazvZMeJ5hBRngyTIcU3KZeVnQjdhWK7E1t4COsag5hyeUETCdYHmb3CwAKzNAY/s1600/johnladalski.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSNUIwFHqYRAQs9o20xyxWltMs8UUtahq38l2TXIqGjU_fXH65Wabjo2XkzCPBQjqwgOyQbNjdxKT4kazvZMeJ5hBRngyTIcU3KZeVnQjdhWK7E1t4COsag5hyeUETCdYHmb3CwAKzNAY/s320/johnladalski.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uh oh!</td></tr>
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<br />Eric S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02411752255093238940noreply@blogger.com0