Movie Review: The Little Drunken Masters

It's a movie staring kids.  I think I'll pass.
But it's a Chinese movie where all the kids do Kung Fu.  It might be mildly amusing, but...

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for The Little Drunken Masters
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	2.9 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	3.6 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	1.8 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	The Little Drunken Masters
Director	Stanley Sui Wing
Actors	Carman Lee, Willie Chi, Xiong Xin Xin
Year	1995
Format Viewed	VCD Mei Ah VCD137 What is a VCD?

But it's a Chinese movie where the kids do all their own stunts, and the filmmaker has no qualms about dangling them from bridges, dropping them off tall ladders, throwing them against walls...  Oh really?
And the kids have to get really drunk to fight.  Color me intrigued!

"Give me liquor!"
How a 7-year-old starts the day right in Little Drunken Masters

Movie Review: Taoism Drunkard

"The grandmother really knows how to calculate. Therefore, I have to be roasted."
I think it's safe to say: This is not a dilemma anybody has ever faced at any time. 
Except in this movie!

Wow!  Just wow!  I don't even know how to start this Chinese movie review, except to say this is quite possibly the weirdest, strangest, most utterly bizarre film I have ever seen.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Taoism Drunkard
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	5 of 5
MST3K-Ability	5 of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3 of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Taoism Drunkard
Director	Yuen Chung Yan
Actors	Yuen Chung Yan, Yuen Yat Choh, Yuen Shun Yi
Year	1984
Format Viewed	VCD (Fortune Star JS/VCD/3104/HK) What is a VCD?

It would be easy to jest (hur, hur, hur!) that director Yuen Chung Yan, and everyone else in the cast and crew, must have been as drunk as the film's hero when Taoism Drunkard was created.  But I don't believe they were.

Movie Review: We're Going to Eat You

I looked at the cover of this Chinese movie.   I saw the title.  We're Going To Eat You!?  Finally!   A Hong Kong produced Chinese zombie movie!

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for We're Going to Eat You
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	3.8 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.5 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	2.2 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	We're Going to Eat You
Director	Tsui Hark
Actors	Norman Chu, Eddie Ko Hung, Melvin Wong, Michelle Yim
Year	1980
Format Viewed	VCD (Mei Ah VCD937) What is a VCD?

But there were no zombies.  What was I thinking?  Hong Kong never had many zombie movies.  But they did have a whole bunch of this kind of movie.

Movie Review: Spooky Family

I think I can guess how this Chinese movie got made.  Some producer thought it would be a good idea to cash in on the huge and lucrative Addams Family craze of 1990 (you'll have to stay with me here).  So director Chin Yuet Sang begin his film with a shot of the "Spooky Family" posing together in a recognizable Addams Family style, while the Addams Family theme music played (with one note different, to make it an "original" song!)

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Spooky Family
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	4.4 out of 5
MST3K-Ability	4.7 out of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3.5 out of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Spooky Family
Director	Chin Yuet Sang
Actors	Kent Cheng, Nina Li Chi, Pauline Wong, Sandra Ng, Billy Lau, Peter Chan Lung
Year	1990
Format Viewed	VCD (China Star Entertainment Group, WF50103V)

At this point, about twenty seconds into the movie, the director must have said "Screw this!  The Addams Family is not huge and lucrative, as my stupid producer thinks.  I'm going to make my own movie!"  So, after less than a minute into the film, the director tore up the script and threw out the premise.  The movie struck off entirely on its own...

Movie Review: Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame

The main focus of Gweilo's Guide is the extremely zany Hong Kong films of the 80s and 90s.  I don't review a whole lot of current Hong Kong movies.  But Detective Dee is an exception since it's directed by Tsui Hark, a veteran of the golden era and a true master of extremely silly movie-making.

The Gweilo's Movie Ratings for Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame
The Chinese movie review continues below this info box!

Category	Rating
WTF Meter	4.5 of 5
MST3K-Ability	4 of 5
OVERALL QUALITY	3.5 of 5

What do these numbers mean?

Chinese Movie	Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame
Director	Tsui Hark
Actors	Andy Lau, Li Bing Bing, Chao Deng, Carina Lau,Tony Leung Ka-Fai
Year	2010
Format Viewed	In the Theater!

Detective Dee is delightfully absurd.  The main “secret” weapon used by the bad guys in this movie is … actually, before I tell you, try to guess.  Really.  Run anything that could be an evil force's main weapon through your mind, no matter how unlikely.  I'll tell you what it actually is at the end of this review.  But you'll never guess.  In the mean time, I'll run down a few scenes and features of this film that definitely make Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame worth watching from the Gweilo's perspective.