But there were no zombies. What was I thinking? Hong Kong never had many zombie movies. But they did have a whole bunch of this kind of movie.
It's a cannibalism movie! And cannibalism movies can be even more fun than zombie movies in the right hands!
The film opens as two bumbling friends with bladder control problems happen upon a remote island.
|"Weak bladder!" |
One of many pee breaks.
|Apron + Cleaver + Stupid Mask = Cannibal!|
Some cannibalism movies might raise interesting ethical, moral, and philosophical dilemmas for their characters. Not this one! This whole town just loves being cannibals. Just how comfortable are they with their cannibalism? Here's an example: If your restaurant food arrives with a mysterious, curly human hair in it, you are likely to complain and send it back. At one point in this movie though, a guy complains because his dinner doesn't have any pubic hair in it. That's how enthusiastic and untroubled these guys are about their cannibalism.
Cage of Ducks Cleverly Deployed as a Weapon!
|"Take the body and batcher it!"|
There's lots of "batchering" in this movie...
Unlike a Hollywood horror/comedy though, the silliest scenes in this movie are played entirely straight. From the Gweilo's perspective, you never actually know if it's supposed to be funny (and missed its mark), or terrifying (and missed its mark). Riding this line and trying to figure out how to respond is a large part of the fun of watching this film.
|Yay! We're extras in a Tsui Hark movie! Er, I mean, Rawrr! We're cannibals!|
|"I'm coded as agent no. 999." |
Serious Business, this guy!
|"I like forgetting toilet paper after taking a shit!" |
Um, OK. Personally, I don't like doing this, but to each their own.
Agent 999 fights off an attacking cannibal while tied up and suspended
The cinematography in We're Going to Eat You is pretty silly too. That's the best word I can think of for it. The camera jumps around a lot. Scenes are often shot from down low or over head, for no apparent reason. There are lots of close-up shots that cut quickly from here to there, and lots of cameras zooming and moving around wildly. All this don't really help the Gweilo understand what's going on.
What's more, lots of the most important fight scenes are fought in the near dark, with all this enthusiastic, silly, jumpy camera work. This might be intended to build the suspense, but it primarily builds just confusion. Which might be Tsui Hark's idea all along? If you are confused by the fight scenes, don't worry. So are the actors:
|"You killed the wrong guy!" |
The frustration of an evil priest, trying to direct a confusing fight scene.
|"Don't Kill indescrimanently!" |
I think this line was probably the assistant director's.
Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review: Rollicking!
|"If you don't eat people, they'll eat you!" |
Yeah, but only if they are also cannibals. Which, you know, is really, really unlikely.