Thus, Kung Fu Hip Hop was born. And how could it miss? It's got “awesome” kung fu, “awesome” DJ-ing, “awesome” “hip hop” “dancing”, “awesome” “rap.” Wait, why all the scare quotes? Well...
It turns out there's a really big problem with this film. They overlooked something very important. Nobody involved at any stage of Kung Fu Hip Hop seemed to know enough about
- kung fu
- hip hop
- or rap music
The movie apparently had a decent budget, but they really should have spent some of that on a decent fight choreographer, a decent music consultant, and a decent dance choreographer.
If this movie had been made by Stephen Chow, I bet it would have been really, really good. It's not. But, from the Gweilo's perspective, it's still quite amusing all the same. It's just that most of the fun of watching Kung Fu Hip Hop comes from seeing what the director hopes will be “awesome”, but isn’t even close.
The hero of the film is a down-and-out drunken bum who has a lot of problems. It turns out, because he's from the streets, he's an “awesome” hip hop dancer, and an “awesome” rapper!
|"Ah, gosh!" The bum despairs at his empty bindle.|
|Hint: If you have to tell your viewers that she's awesome, then maybe she isn't!|
The drunken bum amazes with his "awesome" hip hop dance moves
A little later, DJ Tina runs into this same bum on the street, selling cheap imitations of name brand merchandise. And “rapping”. Oh yes! His “rapping” is so unbelievably “amazing” that, like Tina, we viewers are all supposed to be extremely impressed and blown away. This is what his “rapping” sounds like:
The drunken bum amazes again, this time with "awesome" rapping.
"Snop dog funcky" indeed!
Watch these clips and you will see exactly why this movie is so amusing, and why it provides such amazingly good MST3K material, from the Gweilo's perspective. By the way, the drunken bum hero's name is "Chu Dong." Yes, Chu Dong! But, you know what? I don't even have to go there. His rapping and dancing are hilarious enough all by themselves.
|If some guy named "Dong" says this to you, |
you should probably get out of the way!
After a while, Dong gets in a fight and decides he'll compete for the prize money after all. So, of course he recruits a bunch of auto mechanics as his dancing crew (does “auto mechanic” immediately spring to mind when you think “nimble dancer”?) There is also a second, evil dance crew thrown in to act the part of their rivals. And of course we get a few fight scenes between the crews, in which the director apparently decided that poor lighting could make up for the poor fight choreography:
|Can you make out what's going on in this fight?|
|Yeah, me neither.|
Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review: Not awesome. Not even slightly. But "awesome" enough to be a lot of fun. Recommended!