Just how far into the closet is it possible for a movie to be? This seems to be the question that director Philip Chan set out to discover with his 1984 classic Chinese movie, The Return of Pom Pom.
The Return of Pom Pom is a classic Police Buddy Film, Hong-Kong-Chinese-movie style. The two police officers that are buddies are "Beethoven" and "Ah Chiu" (gesundheit!), played by John Shum and Richard Ng. They are really good buddies. Here they are getting married:
|Two grooms, one bride: Beethoven, Ah Chiu, and bride|
More cop buddy films should have Police Bridemobile chases!
When they get there, Beethoven gets ready to negotiate with the suicidal jumper,
|"Lend me your lipstick and make-up pencil"|
Philip Chan basically sets up the first scene of The Return of Pom Pom to proclaim that it's much better to be alive and miserable than to be any kind of gay. Think about it from the jumper's point of view: He's in suicidal despair. He doesn't care about anyone or any thing. He's ready to end it all. But then along comes Beethoven who accuses him of being gay. If I die now, he thinks, everyone will think I was gay!
|"We're doing it for the gay movement"|
|"I'm not gay, I'm not gay!"|
|Beethoven and Ah Chiu celebrate their not-gayness on the rooftop. |
Wasn't one of them supposed to be getting married?
|Um . . . ok?|
This involves serious police work like this:
"Blow Harder!" Just try to make sense of this scene! I dare you!
Their police investigation also involves dressing in outdated swim-wear and whistling the tune "Tea for Two" at various guys:
Some definitely-not-gay police work in The Return of Pom Pom.
It also involves numerous non sequiters, like this:
|"You're here? Good. Remember my turtles?" |
Out-of-nowhere lines like this make me love Hong Kong cinema even more!
|Beethoven ready for his heterosexual encounter.|
Here's how Ah Chiu tests to see if Lam Ching Ying is lying:
There's some amusing potential for paraplegic kung fu:
|If anyone can pull off a paraplegic fight scene, Lam Ching Ying can.|
Bottom Line of this Chinese Movie Review: It's silly and mildly amusing at times, but the whole "we're not gay" thing can get really tedious after a while.